Listen up, Bud.

I have to admit, I don’t watch Baseball Tonight. In fact, the only time I watch ESPN is for the games. I watch zero of pre and post game shows, Sportscenter, or any other garbage on that network. There’s just too much personality and not enough sports. But Sunday night, I decided to check in the late hours to catch their take on Eric Bruntlett’s beard getting 3 hits and mind boggling unassisted triple play to end the game.

So the show is on in the background while I check out some Tube8 action, when Steve Berthiaume and Buck Showalter are standing next to a white board. Steve mentions how is a travesty how the Pirates and Reds will face each other 10 more times this season.Just because you don’t want to watch the shitty Pirates and Reds play the rest of the season, You want to screw over the fans as well? (Do the fans of these teams hate each other?)  

He also seems sick of all the games the Yankees and Red Sox play by belting out, “Yankees. Red Sox. I can’t take it anymore!!!!” (I shit you not). Hey buddy, I got news for you. The country LOVES this series every time it comes around. But it’s your cot damn network that overhypes the shit out of it that we become nauseous. No extra coverage is needed. And it’s kinda cute that Peter Gammons tries to act like he doesn’t root for the Sawx.

Anywho, written on this white board are changes that Buck would make that can “save” baseball. Quite frankly, I didn’t know baseball needed saving (What really needs saving is the rabbit fur that he calls hair. HEYO!). The sport is at its apex right now. Billions of dollars are being made and attendance has never been higher. Let’s take a look at how Buck can save baseball…

  • DH or no DH all around – I can’t make up my mind on this. I love watching pitchers bat. It kind of takes the arcade out of the game. But then again, the AL ALWAYS has the advantage when it comes to the World Series. Their teams are built to have that extra hitter in the line up; whereas the NL uses that spot for a defensive or pinch hit specialist. And these guys are usually not good enough to start on any team.
  • 4 divisions, 7 teams each, contract 2 (I missed which he would contract, although not a fan of contraction) – Four divisions is brilliant.   The fact that one division winner in each league does not get home field advantage in the first round is a travesty. Each league should have 2 division winners and 2 wild cards. (Although, with just about every team having a new stadium or one on the way, no team is getting dropped. The only teams that could possibly be contracted would be KC and Oakland, because they are the only teams that have stadiums more than 20 years old and play in a shitty market. But that ain’t gonna happen considering each just spent millions upgrading where they play.)
  • Regional Divisions – Basically, it comes out to the Northeast, South, Midwest and West. The Northeast would have NYY, NYM, Philly, Boston, Toronto, DC, and Baltimore (The rest of the divisions are irrelevant to my point. Okay, I didn’t write it down. Screw you, hippie). I don’t like the fact that he wants to intertwine the NL and AL teams into the same divisions. I enjoy the fact that both NY teams (or LA teams, or Chicago teams) can face each other in the World Series. The leagues are set up to where fan bases of the AL and NL would hate each other come the World Series. If you mix them up, it removes the hatred.  It’s worked perfectly for the past 100+ years. And how can you have rivalries if you are going to change the schedule to…
  • Have every team in the league play each other 6 times; 3 at home and 3 on the road – This is so friggin’ ridiculous, that it ruined the rest of my porn viewing. So I get to see my Phillies take on my division rivals six times each? By the time a 3 game set is over, there’s no build up if I am only going to face them one more time. I enjoy the fact that my team has to beat up on their own division in order to win it, and not rely on 25 other teams to beat up on the Mets, Marlins and Braves. I’ve been trained to dislike teams in the NL East because I get to see them 18 times a year, and to have a passing hatred for the rest of the NL. Plus, every team in the league banks on rivals coming to their stadium for revenue. Which is sure to go down if the Cubs travel to Milwaukee only once per season because they have to make room for KC, Texas and Oakland.
Just go ahead and take the central divisions of each league and divvy them up to the AL/NL East and West. That makes 16 teams in the NL and 14 in the AL (Same as it is now). Fifteen games against each team in your division for the NL, 18 for the AL; 6 games each against the other division in your league.  Then divvy up the remaining games to interleague play.

/end rant

//Gonzo for Commissioner

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