Well…It’s Almost College Football Season

Ah yes…what a wonderful time of year.  My baseball team is the baseball version of a smoldering wasteland and I’m neck deep in golfy goodness but there’s still something missing.  And that something is college football madness, the kind of madness that instinctively pops up once the calendar turns to Smarch July.

This year, I’m not crazy excited, just regular excited.  I know my Buckeyes will roll through the Big Ten because the only other team worth a shit, Penn State, couldn’t be fraudier if they tried.  Look at the history of teams replacing their entire OL, secondary, WR corps and two best pass rushers…actually, don’t.  I’ll save you the time…it’s not good, not at all.  Oh, but they have Evan Royster and Daryll Clark!!!  So what?  But Sean Lee is coming back and they have Navarrow Bowman!!!  Ok, that, I’m willing to accept.  But they’ll still blow.

What was my point again?  Oh yea…don’t worry, this isn’t a Buckeye crazy post.  They’ll get to a BCS game like usual, but they’re not in the NC picture this year.

And unfortunately for good, hardworking, land tilling Midwestern folk, this year is a 4.5 horse race with none of those horses residing outside of the South and Califnornia.  After the jump, we’ll take a look at each of the contenders, not as in depth as later, but we’ll look nonetheless.

Florida: While I mentioned this could be a 4.5 horse race, it could just as accurately be a one horse race as well.  Florida isn’t just stacked, they’re historically loaded on a level few programs ever have a chance at reaching.  For all the accolades that the 2005 USC team got by ESPN, being called the GOAT and all that bullshit, this Florida team is better on both sides of the ball, and plays in a conference that isn’t as creamy as the Pac-10.

Offense?  Please, you know Tebow and his crew of light-speed fast smurf Quarkbacks are going to put up pinball numbers and when almost the entire OL comes back intact, along with a cadre of non-smurf WR/TE hybrids and capable, real, live RB’s, the offense goes from a one-trick pony to a versatile machine of touchdown socring evil.

Oh and the defense is loaded with pretty much every single 5-star DB recruit, a crew of LB’s and DE’s who are so fucking nasty and fast that you would only feel comfortable around them with numerous sober witnesses and a scheme that can simply be described as “kill mode.”  There are two guys you should know of…Brandon Spikes, the terror at MLB (see below for visual evidence) and this freak DE/DT hybrid Carlos Dunlap, a 6′6″ 290 lb dude who looks like Julius Peppers with a mean streak.  He’s fucking scary and they’re moving him all over the line.  The offense will get all the ink, the defense will be the better unit.

Texas: Pretty much every meaningful starter outside of Quan Cosby and Brian Orakpo returns to a dangerously good team.  Really, what else can you say about Texas other than the fact that their OL is about as solid as it gets for their scheme, they have a running back named FOSTWHITT (which, alone, should bump them up at least 2 spots in the rankings, even if they’re 2nd, which would make them ranked 0 because that’s how awesome that name is), they have all sorts of annoying, gnat-ish WR’s who can get open no matter what and, oh yea, Colt McCoy, who may be the best all-around QB in the country.

The defense should actually be decent, even by non-Big XII standards in the 2nd year of guru Will Muschamp.  Sergio Kindle, or should I say Toonces, the cat who can drive a car, will be driving his car into OL’s and RB’s and wreaking havoc like the manchild he was last year.  He had double digit sacks from a LB position last year, and this season, they’re moving him all over the place.  There will be rape.

Oklahoma: Sure they lost their entire starting OL, but this is Oklahoma, which means they know how to recruit (unlike Penn State…fuck Penn State).  I’m not THAT worried about that unit especially considering they’ll be going up against 6-man fronts because who in their right mind would have anything less than three DB’s in against THAT passing attack?  Jermaine Gresham is the freakiest TE since Kellen Winslow’s heydays at Da U, a 6′7″ threat that is fast as fuck and has hands like glue.  The WR corps is stacked.  There are a million RB’s who were stolen from the state of Texas.  There’s Sam fucking Bradford, your reigning Heisman winner and a dude who can put a ball in a bucket from 50 yards away.

The defense will be meh tho, like always.  Oh, the DL will be sick, freak nasty as always, as OU goes 8-deep in that unit, but it’s the back 7 that scares me.  Frankly, for all the good Stoops has done, he hasn’t taught his fucking LB’s and DB’s the fine art of TACKLING.  And for all the flak Ohio State gets for not having the athletes to keep up on D, where is that criticism for the Sooners?  The back seven for OU is atrociously underwhelming athletically.

Yet I still call them a title contender?  Fuck and yes.  When you can put up 60 on the regular, who gives a shit how much you give up?  And remember, this is CONTENDER, not favorite.  Oklahoma has the ability to GET THE OPPORTUNITY to play for an NC, but they’re not winning it, not with THAT D*.

*barring a day of complete and utter domination by their DL which IS impressive as hell

USC: I really don’t know what to make of them, but I’d be a moron to not include them here.  They still have Everson Griffen and Taylor Mays.  They still have 10 5-star recruits at RB and WR.  They have the best OL in the country by miles.

And if their history of recruiting has told us anything, just because these guys haven’t played yet doesn’t mean they’re not fucking outstanding.  What’s a question mark with other schools is an afterthought here.  USC is GOING to be great because that’s what they do.  Yes, I’m fucking sick to death of seeing their gay ass shit plastered all over ESPN’s college football coverage, but what can you do?  It’s not like they’re not deserving.

The only two questions remaining are who’s going to start at QB and will they win in Columbus.  The first answer is Matt Barkley and the second answer is probably.

Alabama: This is the .5 team.

Their defense is every bit as good as Florida’s, and might even be a bit better against the run.  They have an all-NFL secondary coached by a guy who knows everything there is to know about DB’s.  Terrence Cody is NFL ready right now as a NT and I haven’t seen anyone better coming out of college.  3-4 NT’s simply don’t exist in college football, yet here we have one, and one who’s so fucking unbelievable that every team who runs a 3-4 in the NFL is drooling in anticipation.  Mark my words…in next year’s NFL draft, the team that runs a 3-4 that has the earliest pick will pick Cody.

The offense is a major question mark, but this is a Nick Saban team.  If Saban and Jim Tressel have taught us anything it’s that controlling the ball for a long ass time and not letting your opponent score is one fantastic recipe for winning football games.  It’s what Saban does, and he does it damn well, and I really doubt that many teams are going to reach double digits on that defense.  It’s THAT good.

Anyways…there’s your early summer contenders.  Football season can’t get here soon enough.