Vick to the Browns? MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!

As regular readers know, I’m a big Mike Vick fan.  Yes, the dog shit disturbs the bejesus out of me, but you know what?  The dude can play FOOTBAW!!!  And that’s all that matters to, one, spencer096.

So after stumbling upon an older post on Midwest Sports Fan, it became clear to me that, not only is this a sound football decision, but it’s also a sound PR decision.  I want this to happen.  Not now, not tomorrow, YESTERDAY, DAMNIT!!!

See, there are few things in life that mean as much to me as the Browns do.  Sure, that’s sad and pathetic, but it’s also the end result of two and a half decades of being born into a family where my grandfather has been a season ticket holder since the 1950’s.  Yes, I’ve said I’d quit the Browns on a number of occassions, but I can never pull the trigger because I love them too much.  And if they added a guy like Vick, I might just tattoo my entire body in brown and orange in absolute, unfettered glee.

So why this be a good move?  A few reasons after the jump.

The Browns need some fucking buzz: This is a moribund organization with TERRIBLE ownership in a depressed city in both a financial and emotional sense.  The Browns legacy isn’t written in wins (at least not since ‘nam) it’s written in the 78,000 diehard fans that pack the stadium each and every week to watch a 4-12 team get pummelled.  It’s written in the tenacity in which the fans DEMANDED their team back after it was stolen by the most heartless man in the history of the universe.  Basically, it’s not written by the team.

There isn’t news about the Browns.  As a franchise, they’re a step above Oakland,  Buffalo, Jacksonville, Detroit and Cincinnati when it comes to being the NFL’s Siberia, but while the team has some major players in the football sense (Joe Thomas, Shaun Rogers, D’Qwell Jackson), nobody knows a fucking thing about these guys.  The best way to get some attention shone on the shores of Lake Erie?  Sign Vick.

Because, like they say, no publicity is bad publicity.

Dog Fighter jumping into the Dawg Pound?: This is a story that would write itself.  What better way for Vick to show that he loves dogs by embracing the Dawg Pound after every TD?  Think of all the PR things for charity Vick could be undertaking…the cliché bullshit would kick all sorts of ass and make it appear that Vick is truly repentant for his sins against the canine world.  From a PR standpoint, there’s NO better place for Vick to land.

Have you SEEN the Browns’ QB’s?: My one day of Brady Quinn lust aside, I realize that the Browns’ QB battle should be called Cripple Fight 2009.  Quinn is a checkdown master who’s not accurate and about as charismatic as the school jock whom everyone hates.  Any pass attempt longer than 10 yards is simply out of the question for Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.  Derek Anderson, blessed with a cannon arm and the size that scouts covet has the football acumen of a newborn Jim Druckenmiller.  He can’t read defenses, he can’t put touch on intermediate passes, and he’ll alternate plays where he drills a pass in between three defenders 30 yards downfield with a swing pass that sails 10 feet above the WR’s head.

From the Midwest Sports Fan article…

The biggest knock on Michael Vick throughout his NFL career has been his accuracy as a passer. For his career Michael Vick is a 53.8% passer. By comparison, Derek Anderson’s completion percentage this season is 49.0%. Brady Quinn’s is 50.6%. So, essentially, the only negative about Vick the QB would actually lead to an improvement over what the Browns have now.

Sounds like an upgrade to me.

Small market: Want to avoid the hassel of the cameras in possible landing spots like Dallas, San Francisco, Miami or New England?  Easy, come to Cleveland!  Reporters don’t want to come here, ‘merica doesn’t want to hear about shit coming from here, and Rachel Nicols would last all of 20 minutes before I find her in Cleveland and cut her vocal cords making sure she never appears on television again as a “journalist.”

Time to focus on football, Vickster.  No better place to do it than the media’s Bermuda Triangle.

There’s some decent talent here to work with: Braylon Edwards is a top-5 WR blessed with the hands of construction worker, but nonetheless, he’s a fantastic target that many teams would love to have.  The RB’s are solid, from a smashmouth, albeit aging, Jamal Lewis to underused home run hitter Jerome Harrison.  But the best thing that Vick would be blessed with is an OL that’s perfectly suited to take advantage of his strong traits and allow him to do his thing without having to worry about getting raped.

And as the Mangini staff has shown in New York, they’re willing to tailor their scheme around a singular player, like they did with Favre last year.  They’re creative enough to make some cool shit happen and aren’t afraid to go a little batshit if the time calls for it.

So why not, Vick?  You have to sign somewhere, and you want a shot at being the top QB, so why not come to Cleveland and win the job?

Make it happen ManKok.