Quality Start

Today’s start is extremely quality.

Yesterday, after 12 hours of glorious, uninterrupted sleep, I decided to go golfing. I was sucking tits and had this ridiculous headache and it dawned on me I had yet to ingest any caffeine yet in the day so at 5 pm, I chugged a couple of Red Bulls (cost…$9, because I’m a fucking retard). Then I eat dinner with my family at my gmas, drink a coke or two, come home, drink some more, and next thing you know, it’s 5am and I’m staring at my ceiling and I haven’t slept a single fucking wink.

So why is this a quality start? Well, MWF I wake up at 5:30 so I got an early start, that’s why. Oh, and if I completely pass out and miss UTL, well, there’s my excuse.

Onto yesterday’s goodiness!!!

Indians 1, Detroit 10: The Cleveland Indians are the worst team in all of professional baseball at any level. I guarantee there are AAA teams that could beat the Tribe senseless, and the fact that I consider myself a fan makes me sick to my stomach.

Cardinals 3, Cubs 7: The Fightin’ Poo-holes couldn’t overcome Big Z’s (MLB edition) offense and pitching as the Cubs close ground on the Cards for the NL Central lead. Ryan Theriot is an extremely homosexual individual which is fitting considering he gets rooted on by a fanbase that consists of nothing more than extremely homosexual individuals.

I believe our Cub hate quota has been filled for this morning. But wait! There’s more!

Cardinals 4, Cubs 2: As fast as that bunch of peckerwoods gains ground they give it right back. But the bigger question is this…can someone tell me what the fuck this is?

Royals 0, KKK Red Sox 6: Pardon the typo in the score just now…I was confused for a second and thought the Red Sox were a group of white nationalists. You can see how I’d be confused, right? Grand Wizard Josh Beckett was lights out.

The Vagisil™ West Coast Game of the Night that 2/3 of the Country Didn’t See Because the West Coast is Gay as Fuck and Who Cares About Shitty Teams that won’t Finish Until 2 am Anyways? Padres 10, Giants 4: Zito got shelled.

Yankees 4, Angels 5: The Angels have beaten the still-hateable-but-not-as-hateable-as-the-Red Sox, Yankees 17 of the past 22 times the Yanks have visited the ThunderStix Dome. Seeing as the Yankees are now 0-8 against the Red Sox and 2-4 against the Angels, I guess we can safely say that the Yankees are the MLB version of the Cavs and are hackfraud supremes, right clown?

Golf: Steve Stricker won the PGA event in Iowa but I didn’t watch. The LPGA women’s US Open was on too…and if televised golf bores you, then watching a bunch of Korean chicks play robo golf on a course that was WAYYY too hard for women with Johnny Miller announcing might be nightmare fuel. I’m betting if you went to hell for the weekend, that broadcast would be the only thing on tv.