Quality Start!

Welcome to Quality Start. I’ll be your fearless leader reviewing the highlights of last night’s fantabulous baseball action. Let’s get right to it.

Cards 8, Cubs 3: Two things: A) The Cubs and their ginormous payroll are now sitting fifth in the NL Central. That makes me smile. 2) Albert Poopholes is gearing up for one of the best offensive seasons ever. He jacked #32 last night, and he’s hitting .336 on the season. Crazy.

Reds 3, Mets 0: By taking game 1 of three game set, the Reds proved once again that they are the superior franchise. Roman, when you asked if I wanted to go to a Mets game today, I didn’t put two and two together and realize they were playing the Reds. Take your daughter instead. She’ll enjoy watching a real team play, love the uniforms, and no doubt become a life long fan. Joey Votto and Laynce Nix hit bombs in the victory. Also, the Mets traded for Jeff Francouer yesterday. He’s one of the worst everyday players in professional baseball. He doesn’t get on base, can’t field particularly well, and no longer has much power. The player he was traded for, Ryan Church, is an okay hitter and above average fielder. This is one of the dumbest deals I’ve seen in recent memory. Sorry again Roman.

Dodgers 12, Brewers 8: The Dodgers did the Reds a solid last night by beating the Brewers in the extra innings. Seven homers were hit in the game, including one by Russell Martin. It was only his second homer of the year. I was becoming increasingly convinced Martin turned into a woman in the offseason. How else to explain his meager .319 slugging percentage?

Rangers 6, Mariners 4: Hank Blalock, Michael Young, and Nelson Cruz went yard last night to lead Texas to the win, maintaining their 0.5 game lead in the AL West. Also yesterday, the Mariners traded their shortstop, Yuni Betancourt, to the Royals for a couple of fringy arms. Yuni Betancourt was probably the worst starting shortstop in MLB, and he is owed a lot of money the next three years. Apparently, Royals GM Dayton Moore is in love with low OBP, poor fielding position players. Maybe he thinks he’s found a new market inefficiency!

Red Sox 1, Royals 0: Tough loss for saber-fave Brian Bannister. He went 7.2 innings, striking out 7 and giving up the lone run on a Dustin Pedroia double. Jon “Cancer Survivor” Lester went 8 scoreless innings to pick up the win for Boston.

That’s it for me. Enjoy your Saturday, y’all.