bigben

Oh, there’s a fuckton of guys who could be on here, but only the truly worthy few will find their way onto this, the most coveted of lists.  See, the QB position in itself is overrated…until you find yourself rooting for a team led by Ken Dorsey or Bruce Gradkowski that scores all of ZERO fucking offensive TD’s in the last SIX fucking games of the year…not that that has happened to me or anything.

There are a select few teams that are blessed with truly great QB’s.  The only TRULY great QB’s in the NFL anymore are Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and Drew Brees, but even then, those guys are simply the figureheads for an overall unit that’s responsible for their success.  If the QB position itself wasn’t overrated, then why would Drew Brees, who put up one of the most absurd years in NFL history last year, miss the playoffs?  Why would Brady go down and the Patriots still manage to go 11-5?

The bottom line is football is the ultimate team game and ANY mention of team statistics when evaluating a QB’s worth is simply foolhardy, something we’ll touch on a few times throughout the course of this diatribe.  But before we get to the meat, lets see who missed the cut.

  • Joe Flacco, BAL: A rookie who got a lot of praise for his “poise” and “coolness in the pocket” all while exhibiting the ACTUAL skill set of a retarded goat.  Accumulating the bulk of his stats against porous defenses like the Browns, Bengals and Jags, Flacco’s every flaw was exposed in the AFC Championship Game against the Steelers in a glorious display of single-browed goodness.
  • Eli Manning, NYFF: Lets put it this way…he PLAYS like Peyton Manning’s little brother.  Yes, he has a ring, but lets not pretend that he was some great catalyst for that team or anything.  One of these days it has to click, but…I’m not holding my breath.
  • Kerry Collins, TEN: Can someone explain how this performance gets you into the Pro Bowl?

More after the jump.

5. David Garrard, JAX: This guy got a huge contract as a reward for throwing a bunch of dumpoff passes and having the lowest Yards Per Attempt of any starter in the league in 2007.  Because he didn’t attempt more than a handful of passes more than 10 yards downfield, his QB rating was extremely high and he threw almost no INT’s, leading people to believe he was some super accurate game manager who could read a defense like a book.  In reality?  He was a mildly accurate QB with no balls who threw a collection of slants, screens and hooks and got a bunch of YAC’s thanks to his WR’s.  This was proven true last year and, yet the Jags aren’t persuing Mike Vick even though Vick is more accurate, mobile and dangerous.

4. Carson Palmer, CIN: He’s supposedly an elite QB who…never plays because he’s got a vagina.  Palmer has all the tools to be a top-flight QB.  Great arm, great touch and accuracy and can read a defense, but the only time those things are truly positives IS WHEN YOU’RE ON THE FUCKING FIELD.  And even then, there were times he looked disinterested and bored on the field.

Now?  He’s coming off an injury to his throwing arm that he chose not to get surgery on in the offseason, yet still missed 75% of the 2008 season.  Wait…WHAT!??!?!?!  Let’s just hope Palmer is as accurate as advertised because if he’s not, he’s going to be nothing more than a sitting duck behind a shitty line throwing floaters  over the middle.

3. Donovan McNabb, PHI: Two reasons…one, nothing is as good as accumulating shitty stats against bad defenses while throwing eleventy billion times per game.  There were three QB’s who attempted more drop backs (passes, sacks and bad snaps are included) than McNabb…Brees (4,962 yards), Kurt Warner (4,476) and Jay Cutler (4,530).  McNabb’s total?  3,816 yards…how the hell does a guy who throws the ball almost 600 times get that few yards?

The other reason?  While I’m a man who loves him some objective information when evaluating players, McNabb also fails the eyeball test.  How many times have we seen him fuck up in big spots?  Remember his little puking episode in the Super Bowl?  Yea me too…and his reaction?  Fucking priceless.  Instead of owning up to his fuckery by admitting he was nervous, he instead runs his best target out of town, fucking his team over in the process all while continuing to be injury prone and gaining weight.  Yea…model QB, that McNabb.

2. Tony Romo, Dallas: This one is easy as fuck.  Surrounded by the best roster money can buy, given total control and celebrity status while not actually accomplishing anything, Romo has been about as mediocre as possible.  Actually, instead of ripping on Romo, I’ll just throw up a video that pretty much sums up Romo’s career in a nutshell.

1. Ben Roethlisberger, PIT: This shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that actually watches football.  According to the brilliant minds at Football Outsiders (a few of whom are Steeler fans themselves, so you know they’re objective), Big Ben was the 23rd best QB in the NFL last season. Looking at his stats, they look nice enough until you realize that he had a really low YPA and didn’t throw for many yards meaning he didn’t give his WR’s an opportunity to make plays after the catch.  He didn’t throw for a lot of TD’s either, meaning what exactly, did he do?

Now, I will admit that his Super Bowl winning drive was an impressive collection of great plays, but at the same time, where was that great play earlier in the game?  Why is it THAT much more impressive when, if he pulled his head out of his ass in the first part of the game, they wouldn’t NEED a late drive to put away a big underdog?  This is the problem I have with Big Ben…he simply doesn’t produce points like other QB’s, and if he were paired with a defense EVEN MARGINALLY less stingy, his inability to get his team yards and points would be exposed.

Steeler fans will no doubt say that the crappy OL has something to do with his lack of production, but I say, “does it really?”  Peyton Manning’s OL last year was patchwork at best…he had injuries all across the line, and his backside was being protected by a guy who started the year as a backup GUARD…yet he still put in an MVP season because he’s a GREAT QB.  Ben?  Ben, behind an OL Manning would’ve killed for, decided to hang onto the ball for what seemed like decades, making his shitty OL have to do that much more, and then got sacked as much as any QB in the NFL.  Sacks kill momentum and put your offense in a bad place…and Ben takes a LOT of sacks.  Way to go!!!

But lets get away from that, for a second…

A QB’s job is to direct his team into the endzone, something Big Ben doesn’t do well at all.  In fact, according to FO, Big Ben was actually 2.2% WORSE than a replacement player when adjusted for the defenses faced.  Yet, not only is this guy revered, but he was given a NINE-FIGURE CONTRACT.  Let that sink in for a second…Ben Roethlisberger, a QB who doesn’t get yards or points, and is actually worse than a league average replacement QB, gets over $100 million…and I’M the idiot?

Big Ben, without question, is the single most overrated player in the NFL today.  He is not a good QB.  He has his moments of competency, but if you watch his entire body of work, this becomes evident almost right off the bat.  And now he’s embroiled in a rape case…this is a guy that 31 other teams in the NFL would look at and say, “no fucking thanks,” but God forbid you tell Steeler fans that.  Then again, that’s the fanbase that thinks Terry Bradshaw was a good QB too…

Share and Enjoy:
  • Digg
  • email
  • Facebook
  • PDF
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon