It’s the play in game of All-Star balloting and another reason that I spot spit on anyone who uses AS Game berths as rationale for Hall of Fame votes. Yes, that’s right, the crucial 33rd spot on each roster gets to be decided by the same people who thought Yadier Molina was better than Brian McCann. No worries though, I’m sure justice will be served. Let’s take a look at the 5 options per league and see if we can maybe find some rationale for each.
AL
Ian Kinsler: I’m sorry but the fact that Ian Kinsler isn’t starting in the All-Star Game is already a travesty. That he has to be voted in by a bunch of slack-jawed retard fans is an even greater crime. Fuck all the rest of these guys but Kinsler’s omission is the greatest sin of the year.
Adam Lind: Lind is having a hell of a season with the Jays. But because it’s his breakout season, voters are less likely to give him the nod until he can prove this isn’t a fluke.
Chone Figgins: This is a joke right? I mean, he’s playing well this year by his standards but…I mean come one. It’s Chone Figgins.
Carlos Pena: He’s hit 23 home runs. That’s a lot. If not for Kinsler, I’d maybe vote for him.
Brandon Inge: He’s cooled off a bit since his hot start. The only reason I’d vote for Inge is to see if he can set the record for most positions played in an All-Star Game.
NL
Mark Reynolds: Second in all of baseball with 24 home runs. The only reason to vote for Reynolds is for the Home Run Derby and to see if he can top Uggla’s error-filled outing from last year.
Cristian Guzman: Seriously? Do they put one scrappy guy in the vote to appease the old timers? Guzman’s worse than Chone?
Matt Kemp: What? This has to because the Dodgers have the best record in the NL right? Matt Kemp? Really?
Pablo Sandoval: Probably the best of the lot. Kung Fu Panda is a fat bastard who can hit the hell out of the ball. I’d vote for him.
Shane Victorino: Another sentimental pick because of the World Series. Don’t waste your time. [Joke about throwing batteries at Santa Claus while sodomizing the Easter Buny].
Are we talking a Bill Cliton on Monica Lewinsky kinda spot?
Luke Scott should have been up for consideration.
Both Adam Jones and George Sherrill have made All Star Games since Seattle traded them to Baltimore for Bedard, eat it Mariners.
Fixed, asshole.
Always here to help
I appreciate it.
hmmm i always figured hef swallowed
Hef, this was a great post.
/only because you said McCann should be the starter
//that was as far as I read
It’s the second time I’ve said it today. Was that one a great post too?
Yes. I read that one on my phone though, and my password to sign in is impossible to remember. But I guess I can give you an attaboy for that one too. Attaboy.
[Takes attaboy to pawn shop and trades it for a pack of gum.]
You got ripped off. I had that thing appraised, and it was worth at least two Marky Mark CDs, one Zippo, and a pack of gum.
The Easter Bunny was asking for it. Kinsler and Reynolds.
Reynolds over Kung Fu Panda? Sandoval’ the only good hitter on the Giants.
That’s true. And Reynolds sucks all sorts of cock at defense. But really, that dude is raking too. Toss-up if you ask me.
He’s been on a tear lately, just when people are noticing for the ASG.
Fuck Hef. Matt Kemp actually plays defense (at a premium position) and has been worth about a win more than his closest competition here. Kemp got robbed by not being named to the original roster.
agreed.
I heard he cried like a little bitch when Manny admitted to using steroids.
Chris Young. Not the pitcher. The other one. That is all.