The Big XII South is the best division in college football. Better than the SEC East and West, better than the top of the Big Ten, better than the top of the Pac-10. Unfortunately, the Big XII North is a steaming pile of hot pony loaf. And while I still think the SEC is better because they have the better defenses (because defense is what gets it done, son), any argument supporting the Big XII as the best conference in college football would be equally understandable.
But enough sucking up to clown for now, we’re here to talk about the rootinest, shootinest, yeehawinest conference there is in college football!!!
/shoots wildly into the air
You want shootouts? YOU GOT SHOOTOUTS!!! You want 500 yards of total offense? YOU GOT IT!!! You want hard hits and great defenses? Well…the SEC plays on CBS, so look over there.
The Swill: There’s a lot of poop in the Big XII North and joining them in the poop tank is a traditional powerhouse that I happen to root for in the Big XII South. Without further adieu, here are your teams that you won’t hear about…Kansas State, Iowa State, Colorado, Missouri (yes, Missouri) and Texas A&M. These teams suck to varying degrees of suck, so lets just let them get their four to six wins in peace and just let them dream of glories past.
The Nougat: There are some intriguing teams with some phenomenal talents here. Lets start off with one of my favorite players in all of college football, Robert Griffith III and Baylor. Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that Baylor is getting into a bowl game or anything crazy like that, but these aren’t your daddy’s Bears of the 77-0 asswhoopings to Nebraska and Oklahoma variety. There’s actual, shock, TALENT and COACHING here now!!! And you should watch for no other reason than Griffith, he’s that good.
I don’t really want to talk about them, but they’re too good to leave off entirely, and probably a bowl team. I’m talking about Mangino, Todd Reesing and Kansas. There’s little more that bores me than this gay ass type of football team. And you know who I’m talking about…the college football versions of the Butler Peen Gobblers, the kind of team that runs this rote, unimaginative spread offense and plays some stupid zone defense with a bunch of Rudy’s playing LB. Fuck these teams. If there wasn’t a thing such as Baby Mangino, this could possibly be my least favorite team in college football outside of Michigan. Fuck them, fuck Kansas…I’m sorry, I love you all very much…
Anywho…
Hey, howabout that Ndamukong Suh everybody? Seriously, if you don’t know who this guy is, you need to pay attention this year. If there’s one reason to watch Nebraska games, it’s this guy, a freak of a DT who’s 6′4″ 300 lbs. of American brawn and ingenuity, and likely the first overall pick in next year’s NFL Draft. He’s a one man wrecking crew and will kill your mother without giving it a second thought. He is hell on wheels and automobiles. He has a name that I can’t pronounce AND THIS ANGERS ME GREATLY!!! Joe Ganz is there too but his name isn’t half as cool as NDAMUKONG SUH!!! NDAMUKONG SUH has ALL CAPS status from now on, does everyone understand? Good.
This is probably going to be the least informative preview you’ve ever read in your life. I’m sorry, but there are only a couple teams in this conference that truly piques my interest, and all these teams don’t count. Sure, I like a handful of individual players, but by in large, these teams bore the living bejesus out of me.
And yes, that includes Texas Tech, even though Mike Leach is God’s gift to awesome. I don’t know a corn-darned thing about Texas Tech, and I guarantee you don’t either. They have another upperclassman, anonymous QB who will no doubt throw for 25,000 yards to a bunch of smurfish, anonymous WR’s. Tech will score a trillion points, and probably give up just as many in typical Tech fashion, because that’s what they do. Outside of Michael Crabtree, they don’t get top-flight recruits because, fuck, they’re in Lubbock and Lubbock blows ass. You might not know the players but you know the inevitable result…t’s the same every single year with these guys, so why should we expect anything different?
Oklahoma State: I figured I’d give these guys their own mention seeing as they’re clearly a top caliber team, but considering that the next two teams play in the same division, any BCS Bowl Game is pretty much not happening for T. Boone Pickens University. But that’s not to take anything away from them because they are damn good and their offense is as good as any other’s in the country. Seriously, this offense is loaded and balanced with a varied attack being carried out by extremely talented individuals who will all find themselves being drafted in the 2010 Draft.
QB Zac Robinson is one of the best QB’s in the country but it’s just a shame that he, in the exact same fashion as his team, gets overshadowed by the next two powerhouses. That’s just the way it is though, but don’t think that he, and his team, aren’t more than capable of knocking one of them off. RB Kendall Hunter is a versatile threat out of the backfield being a capable receiver and a deadly runner out of the shotgun.
But lets talk big stars here starting with LT Russell Okung, a freak athlete at LT who can is about as talented a blocker as there is. There are few flaws in his overall game, and when compared to the trio of fantastic OT’s who came out this year (Monroe and the two Smiths), Okung compares favorably to the no. 2 overall pick, Jason Smith with more refined footwork. I should say I’ve seen a lot more of Okung than I have of Smith, but there’s some similarities between their two team’s respective schemes and that’s where this could be coming from.
The other big star in Stillwater is overall badass, and best WR in college football last year (even better than Crabtree), Dez Bryant. An absolute freak of nature, Bryant is huge, fast, can jump, can run fantastic routes and is one helluva threat in the return game (if they use him there still…you can’t lose someone like Bryant). Bryant is as good as it gets and is worth the price of admission, and if you don’t know that by now, you haven’t been paying attention.
The other shame? They play Georgia.
There’s little chance they run the table, but even if they finish with three losses, this is still a fantastic team.
The Big Two: The Red River Rivalry should be interesting this year, no?
Oklahoma returns the reigning Heisman winner in QB Sam Bradord and the scariest pass catching TE since Kellen Winslow Jr. in Jermaine Gresham. Because this is Oklahoma we’re talking about, you know there’s a bunch of great RB’s just sitting around, and like last year, tht Sooners have two great ones in Chris Brown and DeMarco Murray, two home-run threats.
But there are some definite holes in Norman, and big ones. Like I’ve been saying, the two key ingredients in predicting a team’s fortune are returning OL starters and schedule. Oklahoma’s schedule isn’t TOO tough, outside the annual tussles in Dallas and Stillwater, but the OL took a massive hit this year losing studs Phil Loadholt and Duke Robinson, two of my favorite linemen from last year. The WR corps also took a hit, but Oklahoma’s scheme will cover up any weaknesses there, plus there’s Gresham, so the OL is the HUGE worry. While I don’t know these guys coming in to replace all that talent lost, I’m sure they’re decent because, after all, this, again, is Oklahoma.
The defense, on the other hand? Yea, I’m not bullish at all on them. Their front four is going to be hell to deal with all season long, with sure-fire NFL’ers like Gerald McCoy at DT and DE Austin English, but what I don’t like is the back 7. Oklahoma has been exposed recently against speedy offenses because their secondary and LB’s aren’t overly athletic. This is going to be a problem when you’re facing Fake OSU and Texas, and maybe even Texas Tech, and unless the OL plays some solid ball, expecting the offense to hang 50 every Saturday isn’t a given.
And it’s because of this that I consider Texas to be the prohibitive favorite in the Big XII this year.
Colt McCoy is in the Heisman discussion and is almost the perfect hybrid of Bradford’s passing ability and Tebow’s skills with the ball in his hand. He’s fast and slippery in the open field, accurate as all hell and will kill you in a variety of ways if you let him. In last year’s Fiesta Bowl, McCoy was a surgeon in his intermediate routes. He’s a fantastic player and could very well be the Heisman favorite this year because he’s going to, almost assuredly, put up pinball numbers and collect a dozen scalps.
I don’t really want to waste a lot of time on the offense, as you’ll probably hear a ton about them in the next coming months, so lets talk about the defense a little bit.
DC Will Muschamp now has a year’s time in Austin, and if things progress as they should, this could be a beastly unit. DE/LB hybrid, Sergio Kindle, is one of the scariest individual defenders in the country, and his presence alone, wreaks havoc on opposing offenses. He just creates so much fucking disruption and has such a motor that, even if you block him correctly, he’ll probably find a way to get to the ball regardless and fuck some shit up. Double digit sacks are almost a given consider that he only played roughly half his snaps at DE and still managed to rack up 10 sacks, and this year, will be moved all over the place. Considering he’s damn near unblockable to begin with, creating confusion amongst the opposing OL’s will make him even more dangerous.
Between Muschamp, Kindle and McCoy, Texas is in damn fine hands, and these two alone should be able to take the Longhorns to some lofty heights. Texas is a clear cut, National Championship contender, and one that could give Florida all that they can handle.
Oh…and here’s a Fozzy Whittaker for your troubles.
Worst Team in the Conference: Iowa State
Potentially Decent Team that will Fall Apart: Missouri
Mid-Tier Bowl Game Badasses: Oklahoma State…same reasoning as Georgia…Texas and Oklahoma are getting BCS bids.
First Coach to Get Fired: Dan Hawkins, Colorado
Boringest Team: Texas A&M
What Conference is this Again Team: Colorado
Best Non-conference Matchup: Georgia vs. Oklahoma State
Best Conference Matchup: Oklahoma vs. Texas
Coach of the Year: Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State
Offensive Player of the Year: Zac Robinson, Oklahoma State
Defensive Player of the Year: Sergio Kindle, Texas…but NDAMUKONG SUH!!! and Gerald McCoy deserve a mention.
Heisman Contenders: Bradford, McCoy, Robinson, and maybe Bryant too.
Bowl Teams: Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech, Kansas, Nebraska and, GET READY, BAYLOR!!!
Conference Champion: Texas
Woo hoo, saved the best for Thursday! I like your style – you got the goods.
Big XII football! Feel it!
/PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!
What does this mean?
they don’t play the same brand of football as any other team in the conference. colorado plays like a mid-major would with inferior athletes while the rest of the conference is too busy toasting your defense.
Facemask on NDAMUKONG SUH! Guy is a beast and singlehandedly won that game for Nebraska last year.
Michael Oher wants a word with you outside. Also, Mike Leach might be the best thing to ever happen to football. The man is certifiaby insane.
And you bitch about KU being unimaginative? You’re a Big 10 fan, a conference that thrives on being unimaginative.
there’s a big difference tho.
while the b10 is unimaginative as a whole, they still try to beat the living shit out of you. kansas is unimaginative, but they float around the field like a bunch of sloppy pussies.
i don’t care if you run iso’s all day as long as you don’t avoid contact like the plague.
yea, he was beastmode, but he was also a notch below those other guys. andre smith was the best LT in college football last year, jason smith had all the measurables and eugene monroe had the flawless technique. oher was great, but didn’t outshine any of those guys.
As a fan, I’m hoping the offensive skill players avoid any and all contact. That’s the idea right? Defensively, they seem to avoid it no matter what. But KU changed it’s whole defensive scheme this year. Sure as hell can’t be any worse than that, ‘4-3-let them catch a screen and run for 40 yards’ scheme they ran last year.
This is possibly at once the funniest and most disturbing mental image one can conjure, topping the previous record holder, belching vagina.
well, yea, i guess. but there’s a difference between making a defender miss and curling into the fetal position the minute you catch the ball.
OSU would kill to have a WR as talented as Dez Briscoe.
they do…devier posey. you’ll find out this year. if tressel wasn’t such a fucking loyal asshole to seniors, posey would’ve started over hartline last year.
on a personal, OSU related note…you have no idea how happy i am not to ever have to see brian hartline play football again.
How do you not link this? Go play intramurals brother!!
Spencer, you’re right about Suh being a beast. However, Ganz is no longer on the team.
well shit…my bad.
Have they settled on a QB yet?
Doesn’t this also describe Texas Tech every year?
WOO! I found this post on time today! YUES!
Junior Zac Lee is the favorite. Wish they could groom a freshman for a change.
yea, but the difference is mike leach is loveably crazy while mangino is an epic asshole who would be hated worldwide if not for baby mangino.
cbh…how would you rate the bo pelini era so far?
All one year of it?
Can intramural coaches be fired, brotha?
You have a lot of built up hatred towards Mangino. Did he touch you when you were little or something?
So far so good. The bowl win was encouraging, and he is committed to restoring the prestige that the defense once had. Callahan completely abandoned defense, which set them back. If NU wins the North this year and at least competes with Texas or Oklahoma in the Big 12 championship I would be happy. By next season though, expectations will go way up. If Nebraska falters this year, the natives will get restless, a lot of preseason prognosticators have them winning the North, if they don’t do that fans will be pissed.
And Michael Oher has the same 2nd grade reading level as Michael Vick. At least he doesn’t have the drug and dog killing thing though, I guess.
Oher is just a freak talent, has a lot to learn in the NFL.
i SERIOUSLY hate his generic spread offense. it makes me want to throw up every time i catch a kansas game.
Fair enough. But if it’s so generic someone should learn to stop it. They’re in the top 20, on average, in scoring the last 3 years.
Welcome to the PAC 10.
because they play a bunch of OOC cream puffs and are in a conference that’s allergic to defense. of course they’re going to score a lot when they don’t face teams that tackle.
Nice try. About the only team that runs a spread is Oregon, and it is far from generic. USC, Cal, ASU, UCLA and Oregon state all run pro style offenses. I’m not sure you can call what the Washington schools run an offense.
arizona runs a BS spread.
but i agree with you.
/still hate the pac-10
Got me with Arizona, which leads us to this questions: Is Mike Stoops the worst coach in college football? That fact he still has a job shows how little Arizona gives a shit about football.
Hate all you want as long as it’s truthfull.
It was more of a reference to the generic part of the statement than the spread part, but I hear you. I fuckin’ hate the PAC 10. As much as I used to deride Snyder I actually miss the son of a bitch now. Especially ’cause he’s dead and all. That 19-0 ass whoopin’ of Nebraska was his crowning achievement.
Mike Stoops is a colossal douche bag. As is Tucson. Or as we up north call it, Mexico. And yeah, he’s a terrible coach.
Would you prefer they schedule Ohio, Toledo, Youngstown State, Troy, Akron, Kent St?
Most conferences are generic within themselves. Big-11 is 3 yards and a cloud of dust; SEC lets the Defense make the plays; Big XII makes sure no defense is played; Pac-10 is similar to Big 12, but with a touch of defense sprinkled in.
Amazes me how much hate for the Pac-10 is out there, I guess that is what happnes when you are the conference of champions.
i mean, that’s not much worse than what kansas does.
and as long as there’s a texas/USC/oklahoma/tennessee/cal type game in there, i could care less. kansas doesn’t do that tho, they just pray they miss OU and Texas in conference.
Water polo, frolfing and field hockey FTW!!!!
They do have a home and home with GTech starting next year at least. Baby steps. And yes, they pray they miss OU and Texas, but balance of powers often change (as mentioned in some post I read). And there once was a time when they played powerhouses that were Nebraska, KState and CU every year.
You left out hacky sack and egg toss.
touché.
And that GT deal was just inked recently I think. GT’s stepping up the scheduling themselves. Granted, 2 of the 3 SEC teams on this year’s schedule are lower tier (Miss St. and Vandy), but there are home and homes with both LSU and Alabama coming up, and I’d expect Auburn to be back on the schedule soon too.
it really shouldn’t amaze you tho…bad brand of football, late showings in the east/central and the most hideous collection of uniforms in any conference (usc, ucla and ASU are exempt from this) will do that.
Think you’re right. Was just announced in June.
You also left out Mens Basketball
We’ll have to disagree on the brand of football, the Pac-10 turns out a lot of good qbs, which tends to lead to a fun style of football.
The uniforms are fucking embarssing, especially Oregon’s.
they’re really bad, but i think cal’s are a hair worse.
This guy literally got sick as a result of those Cal unis.
I forgot about that, that was a sick hit.
was that jahvid best?
quite the turnaround from an on field puking to being reggie bush 2.0.
That would be him. That wasn’t his fault though. That one was on the QB.
yep…if i was best, when i was done puking, i would’ve gone over there and kicked the shit out of that QB. was that longshore or reilly? for some reason i think it was reilly.
in that case, it’s probably for the better he didn’t kick the shit out of them seeing as they’re both gonna RAWK this year.