It’s time to start getting ready for College Football, and it’s about fucking time. We’re going to take a look at each conference individually…get to the big hitters, the SEC and Big XII, Thursday and Friday, Pac-10 next Monday, hit the ACC Tuesday and maybe mix in the Big East with the Independents/MWC/etc. schools Wednesday/Thursday.
But we’re starting with the Big 10…why? Two reasons…one, I’m lazy and don’t need to look up a lot and two, I’m a masochist.
The Big Ten this year is a muddling cess pool of mediocrity and meh, with one and a half exceptions. As the resident Big 10 homer, it’s my duty, nay, MY BIRTHRIGHT to stand up for the good, land-tilling Midwestern teams that get besieged from every angle imaginable on the Blogfrica front.
But at the same time…I’m a Buckeye fan and have too much of my own shit to worry about to get too preoccupied with a bunch of schools that couldn’t find their own asses if they were sitting down, so…
The Swill: Hey, will you lookee here. Chances are good you’ll see these teams on the wrong end of a 20-point beatdown on the four-letter between noon and 4pm. You will order food, make beer runs, maybe hit a bong and get your last-minute bets in serenaded by the dulcet baritone of Pam Ward and the psychotic, can’t-let-go-edness of Chris Spielman…or some other fucks that ESPN is throwing out there. I don’t know. I didn’t really pay attention to the millions of blog posts detailing the new announcing skeds…
Anyways…you know who this is. Indiana, Purdue and probably Minnesota. These teams don’t deserve the effort of a detailed look. And in Minnesota’s case, they don’t deserve jack shit as long as they insist on trotting out in those all yellow, piss-cicle uniforms again.
The Nougat: There’s some question marks in the middling ranks of the Big 10 but you can bet that one of these teams will go on a little run and make a little noise.
One of the intriguing teams is Illinois. After a nice recruiting run, Ron Zook has his stable of zone-read specialists with lofty Scout and Rivals rankings who can all run 4.5 40’s and bench Chevy Novas, but at the same time, Ron Zook will be coaching said athletes. For all the grief I give Mack Brown, Zook’s offense is even a more basic “Zone Read for Dummies,” but I can’t count out a team with Juice Williams and Arrelious Benn NOT shocking Penn State or the Bucks.
Michigan State will have a NASTY defense, but nobody knows a single thing about their offense. Coach Mark D’Antonio is a branch from the Tressel tree and will no doubt try and control the clock with a stable of backs, reign in the passing game and rest on defense and special teams. It’s not going to be a flashy MSU team this year, but you’re not going to want to face them in a bowl game either.
Almost an MSU mirror image of each other are both Wisconsin and Iowa. Wisky has John Clay, a fucking load of a running back who was impressive in stints last year while Iowa will be trying to replace Shonn Greene and have a nice little QB in Ohioan Ricky Stanzi. Iowa has a incredibly disciplined OL and a DL that is full of corn-fed Iowa farm boys with a “high motor” and “no quit.” One of these teams will win eight games, the other will lose some heartbreakers and have to struggle for a bowl berth.
Believe it or not, Northwestern is a tough out. Sure, they’ll be relatively soft on defense, but their offense is one of the more potent in the conference and can give the “slow, plodding” Big Ten D’s some trouble here or there. Plus, their QB is fucking named Kafka. That’s fucking badass and you know it.
Michigan: Michigan would fit in the Nougat category, but they have to have their own little thingee because, hell, they’re Michigan and who doesn’t love a little Wolverine shadenfraude?
Questions abound in Ann Arbor!!! An OL full of returning starters…who all sucked last year. A stable full of talented running backs…who don’t have an OL or passing game to take pressure off. A WR corps full of smurfish speedsters…who looked absolutely ameoba-sized against Ohio State and PSU. A couple new, highly sought after QB’s who fit the scheme to a T…yet neither has taken a snap in college and won’t ever be confused with Pat White, or even Terrelle Pryor.
The defense that was supposed to be the stabilizing force on the team last year? Ouch. Out with Scott Shafer. In with GERG Robinson, the deposed Syracuse HC who was so fucking bland and terrible in upstate NY that the program became a running joke amongst college football fans…yet still beat Notre Dame in South Bend. But this year? There’s an empty depth chart and nothing outside of 5-star DT Will Campbell on the horizon.
So why are they going to improve on 3-9? Because they fucking have to. This is still Michigan and I still don’t think that Rich Rod is THAT big of a pile of shit from a football coach sense, but there’s nothing guaranteed for Michigan this year. Do I think there’s a coaching change at the end of the season? Not if Michigan is smart…Rich Rod’s scheme is so personnel specific, they’d instantly be set back two years in terms of recruiting, something that could be a death knoll for a decade.
The Only Teams Worth Mentioning: Pretty obvious at this point if you’re still with us. We’ll look at each individually.
Penn State is the half of a contender and it’s only because of their outrageously light schedule. The concerns first…they’re replacing their entire secondary, their entire OL that was one of the best in college football, their entire WR corps, their best pass rusher and still have the meddling presence of a senile coaching legend looming over the program.
Where they’re strong…name power. Daryll Clark is the best QB in the league if we’re going off of last year’s performance and Evan Royster is an absolute hoss out of the backfield coming from a variety of angles. Of course last year they were blessed with that beastmode OL and three seasoned WR’s to open things up, but PSU is still a big-time program and there should be some talent there.
The defense will be incredible, as always. When has Penn State EVER had a crappy DL? Have they ever? Shit, they’re about as stacked as it gets from a program standpoint, uncovering scary, fast, aggressive defensive linemen on the annual, and while we don’t know all of these guys yet, we will soon.
As impressive as the DL will assuredly be, the LB corps is where the Nittany Lions really shine. All-American, and bonifide stud, Sean Lee is back after missing all of last year with a torn knee ligament and Navorro Bowman will be a first round draft pick and looks like a stud prospect at the next level. These two guys might very well be the best LB’s in the entire country, and for 85+% of the defensive snaps, they’ll both be on the field.
I’m dropping all the bullshit here…those two motherfuckers scare the living shit out of me as a Buckeye. See me? Yea, there’s no living shit there.
But at the same time…much of the fortune in college football is tied to two things…returning OL starters and schedule. Penn State is deficient in the former, but the latter will give them a guady record. PSU plays nobody except for Ohio State, who they get in Happy Valley. NOBODY. PSU is simply too talented, too loaded with premier college football athletes and plays in too tough an environment to NOT succeed against their slate, but if OSU falls to USC, there’s not a lot of impressive foes on there either. If, LeBron forbid, there’s three undefeated teams and PSU is one of them, they’re getting left out, no doubt.
In Columbus, there’s a lot of turnover. Ohio State loses three of their program’s most decorated players in Beanie Wells, James Laurinaitis and, the otherworldly Malcolm Jenkins as well as solid contributors Brian Robiskie, Brian Hartline, Marcus Freeman, and a bunch of corners.
But change, at least to disgrunteld Buckeye fans, can be a good thing. All the guys mentioned above, with exception to Beanie and Jenkins, blew it in nearly every bowl game. They were the starters for the whole embarassing stretch and behind them were highly rated, much anticipated recruits who all have the pedigree and YouTube certified beastliness sought after in college football.
There will be new faces all over the Ohio State depth chart, but the only place that is a serious concern is in the secondary. Up front, I have seen many a front 7 in my college football life, and I would rate this Buckeye front 7 up there with any in Ohio State history dating back to the early 90’s, they’re that good and that deep. There are pass rushers coming out Tressel’s ears and more 4- and 5-star LB recruits than can fit on a college football roster. Not to sound arrogant, but this is Ohio State…the defense will look fucking amazing (until January)…this is a certain.
Offensively, the Bucks have the most talented OL on paper. This is the OL that I’ve been salivating over…from the same class as Terrelle Pryor, these guys got me even more excited. Mike Adams will probably be the LT, and he looks like Orlando Pace 2.0. Mike Brewster, the gem of last year’s recruiting class, started most of the season at C and lived up to all the hype…he’s going to be AWESOME.
The skill guys are solid, in Buckeye tradition. Boom Herron takes over for Beanie, and while he doesn’t bring with him Beanie’s Stiff Arm of Tackling Fail™, he’s tough, nasty and, most importantly, good. The WR/TE are well stocked with burner young’ns like DeVier Posey, Duron Carter (Cris’ son) and TE/WR hybrid, Jake Stoneburner.
But this is Terrelle Pryor’s show. From what I’ve seen and heard…steps have been made. He was damn good last year, and only projects to get better. I couldn’t be happier.
The sked is light save for the roadie to Penn State and, of course that game against the Condoms (we’ll get to that later in the summer). It’s a two horse race, but the Bucks have the edge on paper…again.
Worst Team in the Conference: Indiana
Potentially Decent Team that will Fall Apart: Wisconsin
Mid-Tier Bowl Game Badasses: Michigan State
First Coach to Get Fired: Tim Brewster, Minnesota
Boringest Team (”all of them” isn’t an option…assholes): Iowa
What Conference is this Again Team: Northwestern
Best Non-conference Matchup: USC vs. Ohio State
Best Conference Matchup: Ohio State vs. Penn State
Coach of the Year: Mark D’Antonio, Michigan State
Offensive Player of the Year: Arrelious Benn, Illinois
Defensive Player of the Year: Navarro Bowman, Penn State
Heisman Contenders: None
Bowl Teams: Michigan, Northwestern, Illinois, Michigan State, Iowa, Penn State, Ohio State
Conference Champion: Ohio State
Where’d you get all the pictures of chicks playing football?
ACC.com
PAC-10.com would’ve been accepted too.
The fuck are they doing in Big Ten unis then? Time for a new conference commish.
/seriously, John Swofford can eat a bowl of Frostycocks
This is like the NL of college football. Can we just put PSU and OSU in a good conference and make this interesting?
My season tickets suck donkey balls this year as a Penn State grad. Check this out, outside of OSU these are my home games … all fucking 8 of them:
Akron, Syracuse, Temple, Iowa, Eastern Illinois, Minnesota, OHIO STATE, Indiana. These motherfuckers should be paying me to go to those shit games.
Bowman and Lee may terrify you, but PSU’s O-line terrifies me (secondary will be fine, the guys they lost weren’t that good anyway … Mark Rubin sucked except that time against Pryor).
lefty…in all honesty, you can insult a variety of b10 players as being girly, but navorro bowman, john clay and TP are three that don’t quite fit that description.
and yea, john swofford is a bonerholster. but not as big of a logwasher as jim delany.
yea…losing the bulk of that OL is scary. that group was absolutely terrifying for opposing DL’s for the past two years. BIG loss there.
I like this idea. Solution? Pac 10. Sure it makes no geographical sense, but neither to the ACC or the Big East. Pac 10 gets better, USC actually has to play more than one real game, and OSU and PSU get the benefit of, well, not being in the Big Ten. Also the Pac 10 could then have a championship game.
/[use whatever tag you think fits]
dude, that is pretty brutal. arkansas isn’t a whole lot better with missouri st., georgia, auburn, east. mich., s. carolina, troy & miss. st. i’ve also been in an ongoing battle with the ticket office down here, those cocksuckers. i love how their answer to everything is, “give us more money.”
i like this idea…a BCS conference with 10 teams.
north: OSU, PSU, Oklahoma, USC, VT
south: LSU, Florida, Texas, Alabama, Georgia
and whatever other two teams decide to be good that year get put in there.
get the season over with in a month and call it a day.
/completely unrealistic
Not bad. I’d say you could have another conference, with Miami, FSU, GT, Auburn, Alabama, Tennessee, Nebraska, West Virginia, Oregon, and Pitt, and the champions of spencer’s conference and this one would play each other for the national championship. It probably works better if you use the same pool of 20 teams, and create two comparable conferences, as opposed to one super conference and one lesser one.
/just as unrealistic as spencer’s idea
all this would be a moot point if ND got their heads out of their asses and just joined the b10.
money is no longer an issue as EVERY b10 team gets more from TV than ND does from NBC. it’s too perfect to not have happened already.
The Fat Narsh can go fuck themselves with a high hard one.
/Tech fans once threw fish at ND players
//that may be the thing that makes me most proud to be a Tech fan
Was this just because there was nobody else or do you really think they’d fire him? He’s only in his 3rd year and took the yellow unis to a bowl game. I still don’t think they should have fired Mason.
/Fixed for flash-in-the-pan-ness.
I can dig it.
basically…nobody is in serious danger because they’re either brand new, doing a good job, or named tressel or paterno. and i don’t think rich rod gets fired.
The Has Beens and Never Weres Conference?
If you’re referencing the last three as never weres, I get your point. That was more diplomacy than anything. The other seven, I don’t see what you’d take issue with. Every one of those seven are capable of beating any one of the ten in spencer’s conference. Make it 8 if you toss WV for Arkansas.
Sean Lee is AJ Hawk with Craig Krenzel’s brain. Losing him last year in the first practice was brutal but hopefully is back and better than ever.
Agree with ReverendPaul, the season tix this year fucking blow goats. Looks like I need to host an MLJ/TBL tailgate bbq this year.
Football’s football. I go to four or five ASU games a year and have fun even though College Football is ghey and ASU sucks.
Ten years ago. Miami, FSU, Auburn, and Tenn are all garbage of late. GT and Neb had good years last year but previous mediocrity.
This was not nearly as anti Michigan as I had anticipated.
Depends on your definition of mediocrity. Notre Dame has been significantly mediocre-er than any of those teams lately.
ND wishes they could even be mediocre.
Listening to the Beaver Stadium crowd chanting “We are…Appalachian State” while watching the final series on the jumbotron was an amazing thing.
/Michigan sucks
//Wisconsin moreso’d
no way any of those teams beats OSU. period.
The Beaver stadium crowd probably wished they were appy state after michigan beat Penn St that year.
Not one team, once? Alabama would obviously have the best shot. Not saying it’s a gimme, just saying it’s not outside the realm of possibility. I mean it’s not like I’m saying that a I-AA team would go into the Big House and pull off a win. Those kinds of things don’t happen. Perhaps I’ve chosen a poor example.
alabama was already in my super conference so i ignored them in my head.
oregon would have the best chance because of their offense, then probably GT.
but FSU, miami, WVU, auburn, etc? not a single shot in hell. period. 10 times out of 10. those teams run the type of offensive and defensive schemes that the buckeyes feast on. maybe not WVU’s per se, but WVU doesn’t have a single player worth a shit outside of noel devine.
arkansas beat lsu the year that lsu spanked ohio state in the bcsncg.
oh, im sorry, i didn’t see peyton hillis, d-mac and felix jones on the current arkansas roster. my mistake.
there are at least a couple of nfl talents on this years squad, you can count on that. DJ Williams is top 2 or 3 TE’s in the country.
All I am saying is that year in – year out, yeah osu is going to be the better team. but 10 out of 10 is a bit of a stretch.
Damn, Houston Nutt was a good coach. He really had Arkansas on the right track.
of course it’s a stretch, but since when is a college football debate a haven for logic?
consider that 10/10 statement less an arrogant declaration and more an indictment on how truly shitty miami, fsu, auburn and WVU are. and i mean SHITTY.
the fact that miami, fsu and auburn in particular even scored 10 offensive TD’s last year boggles my mind. those are three of the worst coached, worst run, worst managed programs i have ever seen that continue to recruit at a very high level. it just flies in the face of convention that you could have so much talent just get squandered by poor decisions coming from the sidelines.
psshhh facts have no place here. Also worth noting, new coach in Auburn, new OC at Miami (I’m a better coach than Pat Nix), and, well, FSU’s fucked.
yeah, he was only “building his way to a bcs championship” for 10 years. total bcs bowl appearences in that time = 0. AKA, the longest tenured coach at ANY bcs school not too make it too a bcs bowl.
/next question.
did auburn really score 10 offensive td’s last year?
/sincere.
and for the record, this was one of the most entertaining games of recent vintage. i remember driving home from my gmas house, getting back and catching the second half and all the OT’s. fucking awesome.
gene chizik…i.e. the guy who had a winning % in the 30’s at iowa state is at auburn, replacing the capable tommy tuberville. that will be the death knoll…tuberville wasn’t THAT bad (just needed to settle on an OC) and saban still had his nuts in a vice grip after 2 seasons. chizik stands no chance whatsoever.
miami’s fault is randy shannon. he’s ty willingham 2.0. FSU…like you said, is fucked.
Not to mention the debacle with the Springdale kids.
Imagine if he didn’t have to deal with the stress from all of those FOI requests into his personal life.
Oh well, at least you have Petrino for a couple more years.
46 days can’t go by soon enough.
I’m okay with both of these things. Also it’s unbelievable to me that they ran Tuberville out of town on a rail. That will hurt them long term. He brought in that spread whateverthefuckitscalled guru last year because people were tired of winning 13-7. They’ll score significantly more points this year, but I don’t think the defense will be as good, which was their strength.
don’t bang local reporters then use a university issued and paid for cell phone to text said reporter 15 FUCKING MINUTES BEFORE THE SECCG GAME and he would be ok.
And if Petrino keeps recruiting and busting his ass the way he has been since the minute he walked through the door, he can leave in 3 years if he feels the need, because we will have a bcs bowl win by that time, and then the gus mahlzan era will begin.
brought upon himself because he couldn’t handle an 18 year old kid calling him a dork.
That whole mess started when those kids were still in high school. Granted, he made a ton of that mess himself, but I’m not sure there was a right side in all of that. It did make me sad that that was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Coach Broyles though. He deserved better than to go out like that.
i agree with you lefty. i personally think broyles probably should have retired a couple years earlier anyways, but he had been around long enough and done enough for the program/overall athletics at the university he should have been able to go out on his terms.
d’antonio? seriously? are you fucking kidding me spencer?
DANTONIO!!!!
I hate you and agree with you at the same time. Thanks for giving us more credit than I thought you would.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO… NO!
Sparty is going to fucking kill you.
i was baked when i wrote this…cut me some slack.
See. Told you so.
See, told you so.
/fixed
Ringer > Wells
whatever…im not about to edit a post entry about some team that’s going to finish 4th in the big 10.
/that’s a burnin’
i have a hard time disagreeing with his assessment of MSU. I see us being the big bad mid bowl dude, but not good enough this year to take the next step….but 2010….
+1
legit, non-asshole question…RB committee or are they going to rely on one dude? i know there’s a few young’ns in there with some potential but don’t know if they’ve settled on one yet.
I think Iowa should be the PRIME candidate to upset
OSUPSU this year.And wasn’t Spencer supposed to change his gravitar to something ghey?
Aww look at all the Big Ten kids having a slap fight in the backyard. How cute.
Basketball conferences aren’t supposed to be involved in discussions about real sports.
The fuck are you doing here then?
right now, it is a committee. caulton ray who is a redshirt frosh, and true frost edwin baker could just takeover. i think we will be tossing the ball around a lot more with either nichols or cousins at qb. they are so much better than hoyer.
you’re an ACC fan…you have NO room to talk.
maybe if your conf. champ game got more than 10k people, then we’d give a shit, but we still have awhile until bball season.
yea…hoyer sucked in HS too (st. ignatius in cleveland). elephant balls, but no talent.
his junior year was made by devin thomas. they ran all those bubble screens to him, and he would takeover.
What the hell do you expect when they play the damn thing in Jacksonville? They might as well play it in Athens or the Swamp for all that matter. That thing belongs in Charlotte, and they won’t get big crowds until they realize that. And just because your team is good, spencer, and there’s another halfway good team in there, that doesn’t mean that the Big Ten is the be all end all. If it was, then this nobody would even talk about Notre Dame joining the conference.
lefty…oh, believe me, i have no illusions about the b10 being good.
every conference except the SEC is dogshit, and even this year, the SEC aint what it’s been. the big 12 esp i have problems with and the mere mention of pac-10 football makes me want to kill babies.
The Big XII pwns all. It will be proven this year.
by whom? texas? oklahoma? sure, but they’re always there. who else in the conference is any good?
could, gasp, BAYLOR be the 3rd best team in the conference?
Watch it there. Depending on who you ask, the Big 12 South is the deepest division in all of college football.
No. OkSU is pretty loaded. KU and Neb are better than most conferences #3 and lower.
oops…my bad. totally forgot about FakeOSU.
KU and nebraska blow.
Fake OSU, texas and oklahoma. check, check and check.
/scans other divisions
florida/UGA? LSU/bama/ole miss?
if tennessee was decent, they’d make the SEC East much better. i’ll give you you’re point however…but whatever.
i will say tho that ndomonku (know it’s spelled wrong) suh, the DT from nebraska is beastmode on steroids.
What’s the line on the Georgia game? It pains me to say it, but I feel like Georgia’s gonna roll in that one.
no idea. i like fake OSU in that one.
Either one would easily take #2 in the ACC, if not win it. Win the Big East. At least #3 in the Big 11. 2 or 3 in Pac 10. And be top half SEC.
So, they’re both better than Miami (I can buy that), North Carolina (getting tougher to buy that), Georgia Tech (not buying what you’re selling at all now), AND Virginia Tech (you must be out your mind)???
i was studying on going to that game. still water isn’t far from here and we got an intern from osu here at my job this summer. i told him his main job this summer is to find me tickets. i would like to think that game is going to be halfway close with uga having to replace a decent ammount of players.
top half of the SEC? florida, bammer, ole miss, LSU, georgia, and arkansas are probably all better. USC, cal and oregon are better in the pac-10.
you’re probably right about the b10, i’ll give you that, but i don’t see either being better than the 3rd best team in the b10, MSU.
ACC? maybe 3, probably 4 tho because butch is doing great things in chapel hill. big east doesn’t count, but i like cincy better than either of those teams.
Didn’t Fraud Reesing wreck shop on Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl when he was only a sophomore?
One game a month and a half is much much different than playing against league competition all season long. No way either of those teams finish top two in the ACC Coastal. Not happening.
durr that’s a month and a half after the season ends.
Doing good things in a bad conference only gets you so far. The entire Atlantic half is garbage. GT is OK for the Coastal but the wishbone died when Tom Osbourne rode off in the sunset. And Cinci-fuckin-nati in the Big East? Did Brian Kelly put you up to that as a way to apologize?
At it’s absolute best, the Big 12 North = the ACC Atlantic. The Big 12 South has two of the best programs in the nation, then a bunch of crap. Also of note, Paul Johnson’s been running that same offense for 26 years, and people have been saying exactly what you said (or at least echoing the meaning) for 25 years, and none of them have been right yet.
The last 3 seasons look like this:
VT (31-10), GT (25-15), and NC (15-22)
Mizzou (30-11), KU (26-12), Neb (23-16). And the Big 12 teams did it in a tougher conference. So not only would they beat up the Atlantic, they’d be the cream of the Coastal.