The ACC is probably the conference with the most parity in all of college football. Now, before you get your panties in a bunch, parity doesn’t mean good, because, fuck, is the ACC medicore. What was once thought of as a potential superconference with the arrivals of VT, Miami and Boston Colloge has turned into the conference equivalent of the color taupe. It’s boring, it’s unfulfilling, and at the end of the day, you’ll wonder why you wasted your time.
You’ll also wonder how the ACC annually stocks the NFL with top players, an occurance that confuses me greatly.
We’re going to do this a little differently than the other conferences, but first…we need to get rid of the garbage.
The Swill: This is kind of hard because we’ll be getting rid of a lot of teams that could be making some noise come the end of the season. The reason I’m not talking about these teams is becuase, frankly, they bore me to fucking tears. Duke could actually make a bowl game this season and has a solid QB in Thaddeus Lewis and are run by ex-Tennessee/Peyton Manning groomer David Cutcliffe. NC State has a great QB prospect in Russell Wilson, but they were a pile of suck last year. I’d love to talk about Ralph Friedgen at Maryland but you already know you’re going to get a disappointing season with a big win over a good team and then scraps before the low-tier bowl game.
Oh, and Virginia and Wake Forest fans will have to go elsewhere for a preview. It’s not that your teams are bad, it’s just that you’re both SOOOOOOOOO boring.
Like I said, this is going to be a little different. We’re going to handle the “heavy hitters” first and then look at who the top challengers are.
Ol’ Meltyface Frank Beamer, once again, has a killer defense that will have to overcome a complete lack of offensive firepower. OH, AND DID YOU KNOW VIRGINIA TECH PLAYS SPECIAL TEAMS WELL?!?!?! Thanks ESPN, we heard you the first four trillion times. Anyways, this is your garden variety VT team…they’ll smother you to death with their modified 4-4, play great run defense and above average pass defense, and force turnovers. It’s what VT does, it’s what they’ve always done (except when Vick was there) and it’s what they’ll always do.
But here’s what bothers me…you look at all the prognosticators’ preseason rankings, and VT is around the top 5, usually above teams like OSU, Oklahoma State, Cal and Penn State? This makes NO FUCKING SENSE WHATSO-FUCKING-EVER. Period. Done. Done. Done. No arguments.
Returning OL starters? Bubkus. Schedule? Tough. QB? Tyrod fucking Taylor. Can someone please tell me how the fuck VT plans to win games this year? Maybe if their defense, literally, shuts out every single team and VT gets a field goal (because they’re good at special teams, remember?), they can be in a BCS bowl and challenge for the ACC crown, but that’s not happening. There is so fucking little on offense here that it’s disgusting. DISGUSTING. Yet this is a team that deserves a top 10 preseason ranking? If they’re there when the AP poll is released, I’m going to be sick to my stomach.
Pencil VT in for 8 wins and the O/U on number of QB’s played is 2.5.
In Atlanta, Georgia Tech returns their two most potent offensive weapons in QB Josh Nesbitt and RB Jonathan Dwyer, as well as Paul Johnson’s neoclassical offensive scheme that gave opponents fits last year. This is good news. Eight returning starters on a decent defense is good too.
So why am I nervous? Yes, Paul Johnson’s offense worked wonders at Navy and in his first year at GT, but the teams Navy played are just a little different than having to go through BCS conference defenses week in and week out. But at the same time, nervous is hardly condemning. I fucking love the flexbone offense, and love what Paul Johnson is doing, and frankly, having an exotic offensive scheme that MIGHT be stopped is a lot more enticing than having Tyrod fucking Taylor as your starting QB…just sayin.
My favorite team in the conference is in Chapel Hill, being coached by ex-Browns head coach (and franchise castrator) Butch Davis. North Carolina is a group of freaky, highly ranked recruits with the whole operation being cooly reminiscent of Davis’ Miami resurrection in the late 90’s. While not incredibly explosive on offense, and having to replace stud WR Hakeem Nicks (!), UNC will be a pretty ferocious defensive team with a great secondary and a budding star in junior DT Marvin Austin. Yes, UNC still has another year or so until they’re ready to challenge for a conference title, but I wouldn’t be shocked if they found themselves a little ahead of schedule come bowl season this year.
Florida State could actually be decent this year. OL coach Rick Trickett, ex-military thunderfucker, has turned the OL into the conference’s best, and with QB Christian Ponder making strides last year, the offense could actually be serviceable. The depth at RB and WR is pretty solid, considering Free Shoes U is in one of the most fertile recruiting grounds in the country, and they should have little trouble putting up points this season.
The defense, however, is one gigantic question mark. Gone is all-world human being Myron Rolle. Gone is all-conference DE Everett Brown. FSU couldn’t stop the run last year, and they won’t stop it this year considering the dearth of talent on the DL. The LB’s are all young and shitty and the DB’s, well…considering ONE of them has actual college football playing experience, I’d love to give a forecast, but it’d be a waste of interwebs.
In Miami, Randy Shannon continues Larry Coker’s legacy of wasting ridiculous amounts of talent with terrible, terrible coaching. Shannon might be the single worst coach in all of division 1 football, and he continues to look completely overwhelmed by his situation. Lets face it, whenever a coach’s best compliment is the fact that his players don’t get arrested, you know that coach sucks ass. Look at the last NC’s…Florida, ton of arrests. LSU, ton of arrests. Oklahoma, arrests. Ohio State, arrests. USC, not many arrests, but a bunch of bullshit on the side. GUESS WHAT? VIOLENT INDIVIDUALS SUCCEED AT A VIOLENT GAME!!! Fuck…this is DA U, man. Thuggery is a fucking legacy.
Back to the on field shit tho…Miami’s offense could be good, but probably won’t. Miami’s front 7 on defense WILL be freak nasty and the secondary should be solid, but what’s holding Miami back from being great again is the guy with the headset on. QB Jacory Harris should be above average at the very least, but when Shannon is calling the shots, you just never know.
Clemson has CJ Spiller, whom alone is worth the price of admission. Aside from him, they have some solid returning OL starters who were all untested last year (and proved the ‘returning OL starters’ adage right) and a great CB in Chris Chancellor, who I think looks like a really solid bet to contribute in the NFL. There are a lot of holes though at Clemson with the biggest being lack of a QB, pass rush and head coaching.
The first two are easy enough to cover…Clemson doesn’t rush the passer well and they don’t have a tested QB. The head coach? Well, his name is Dabo Swinney, and what he gets for cool-name points, he loses in actual head coaching acumen. When Tommy Bowden re-fired, Dabo came in and yelled and screamed and did all the things that look cool in highlight packages. What he didn’t do was coach well. He’s getting thrown in the deep end before learning to swim, and if he lasts more than two seasons, I’ll be SHOCKED.
Boston College is Boston College and the only reason I didn’t mention them earlier is because they bore me just as much as Wake Forest and Virginia, only they’re good. They have a new coach in Frank Spaziani (/wopwopwopwopwopwop) who will probably get kick-backs and strong arm some teams into paying him for protection, like his name suggests, but BC is going to be in a tough spot because of their offensive greenery at the skill positions and the loss of Mark Herzlich.
Herzlich is/was one of the best linebackers in college football, and one of it’s most tragic, recent stories. Here’s a guy who works his ass off on and off the field, was a model citizen, great leader and, most certainly had a future in the NFL, and then, this offseaon, gets a form of cancer that will probably end his career. It’s just not fair…why does Herzlich get cancer but Greg Norman continues to ride around on a $75 million yacht? Fuck that.
Worst Team in the Conference: Duke
Potentially Decent Team that will Fall Apart: Miami
Mid-Tier Bowl Game Badasses: Virginia Tech
First Coach to Get Fired: Randy Shannon, Miami
Boringest Team: Miami
Best Non-conference Matchup: Alabama vs. VT or Georgia vs. GT
Best Conference Matchup: uh…none from a football standpoint, FSU vs. Miami for nostalgia’s sake
Coach of the Year: Butch Davis, North Carolina
Offensive Player of the Year: Josh Nesbitt, GT
Defensive Player of the Year: Jason Worilds, Virginia Tech
Heisman Contenders: None
Bowl Teams: VT, GT, BC, UNC, FSU, maybe Clemson
Conference Champion: North Carolina
Que?
Also, Jonathon Dwyer has a much better shot at Offensive Player of the year than Nesbitt, and could be an outside Heisman contender. I’m going to assume you meant Alabama vs. VT and Georgia vs. GT for best non-conference matchup.
oops.
and yes…that’s what i meant in regards to best non-conference matchup. i’ll fix both.
oh, we’ll see son. we shall see.
/im right
//always am
///returning OL starters
////phil steele is the best
All I’m saying is Dwyer was Conference POY last year, with 1,300+ yards rushing and 12 TDs. And this year, they’re talking about playing him at A back. That’s scary right there. He might murder some CBs and safeties in the open field.
Best Non-conference Matchup: Baylor in a huge upset over Wake Forest.
Is that the same Wake team that beat Ole Miss last year?
no it’s not because this is college football and almost no team is the same as the previous year’s.
/florida is the same as the previous year’s
//florida is really, really, really, really good
///fuck florida
Yes, the same Ole Miss that lost to South Carolina.
There was some bulletin board material out of Greensboro yesterday. Apparently some VT and UNC players have figured out how to stop the option, and they know who’s getting the ball, etc. Reporters asked Dwyer about it, and he said “If they figured it out, good for them. I play in that offense and I don’t know who’s getting the ball.” Also, it looks like LSU vs. UNC in the Chick Fil A kickoff game in 2010.
fuck and yes.
UCLA passed because they didn’t want to play GT, and it might be GT and Notre Dame in 2011, and it’s Tennessee and NC State in 2012. The Atlanta Sports Council is doin’ serious work. And I just saw Miami’s first four games: @FSU, GT, @VT, Oklahoma. Jeebus.
it really doesn’t get any worse than that.
have i mentioned my hatred for randy shannon lately?
Spencer, agree completely on Va Tech, they are getting so overrated this season, as they do just about every season. Nebraska gets revenge on them this year.
UCLA passed because they have a road game at Texas on the schedule next year.
Oh he sucks. I just wish, as a fan of a team in the same division, that they hadn’t fired Pat Nix as OC. How did they not see that he sucked ass? They played against him every year! Granted, Tech beat Miami in the last 3 of those years, but still.
Except that he’s in Boston. Maybe if he were Frank McSpazianey.
They had committed, then the opponent (can’t remember who) backed out, and GT was offered as the new opponent, and UCLA said no thanks.
Exactly. That’s basically another road game for a program trying to get out of shithole status. LSU doesn’t have a problem taking that game on because they know it’ll be an easy win.
/SEC >>> ACC burn
Play this.
And then pretend I’m saying, “WE HAVE A WINNER! WE. HAVE. A. WINNER!”
The same South Carolina that lost 31-7 to the…. HAWKEYES!
/fuck clown for saying Iowa “wishes” it was mediocre
//just kidding
///I hope OU murders Texas
The payout for that game is pretty decent (didn’t look up the figure), and in terms of recruiting, it’s huge. That’s how they’re getting these teams to come in. UCLA should’ve just sucked it up and played in it. Would’ve been worth it.
Aha it was Auburn that backed out, and UCLA “didn’t want to play a road game against Tech without a return visit to LA”. Pretty sure that it would’ve been a home game for Auburn too, since it’s less than 2 hours from Atlanta. Also I found that the payout was in the $2 mil plus range for Clemson and Alabama. I’d say that’s worth the cross country trip and even a loss, and that’s before you consider recruiting exposure.
auburn sucks.
that is all.