This week just keeps getting sadder and sadder. First, Ed McMahon succumbed to old age and joined Johnny Carson on that big Tonight Show set in the sky. Then Farrah Fawcett lost her battle to ass cancer and Ryan O’Neal lost his last chance at 15 minutes of fame. Then the world lost it’s favorite Child Molester, Jimmy Rollins Michael Jackson to a heart attack that the coroner is not blaming on drugs and the family is. (Usually it works the other way around. Only the Jacksons. Fucking Tito). Well of all the deceased, this one hit me the hardest. Billy Mays is dead at 50.
Unlike the other 3 that died, Billy Mays was the real deal. Reading this brings it all together:
Mays liked to tell the story of giving bottles of OxiClean to the 300 guests at his wedding, and doing his ad spiel (”powered by the air we breathe!”) on the dance floor at the reception. Visitors to his house typically got bottles of cleaner and housekeeping tips.
The man truly loved the shit he peddled to America. I mean it was horseshit and none of it worked (well OxiClean is pretty good) but he believed. Do you think Farrah Fawcett actually would give us the sexy looks she gave teenagers of the 70’s in that poster they all jerked off too? Do you think Ed McMahon really thought Johnny Carson was funny? Do you think Michael Jackson was really signing “The Way you Make Me Feel” about a woman and not Webster? Do you? Billy Mays cared. Billy Mays wanted us to own those products. Not because he wanted our money, no, it is becuase he wanted us to have the same experience and passion for cleaning products and the other sorted garbage he peddled that he did. Billy Mays loved us. We will miss you Billy. May you be God’s special pitchman in the sky.
What’s on tonight?
Yankees/Mets - Livan Hernandez! Chien-Ming Wang! Joe Morgan! Steve Phillips! Sunday Night Baseball on ESPN!
Every music channel is playing non-stop MJ videos, but the home shopping network is showing no love to Billy. That’s horseshit.
This made me laugh so I stole it and used it as my own. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you were the person I heard it from.
Then the world lost it’s favorite Child Molester, Jimmy Rollins Michael Jackson
I’m sending this link to Ken Rosenthal. You’ve been warned.
I look forward to my royalties checks.
Wow, what time was this posted? And is there supposed to be a video and I can’t see it?
You guy need interns. and chicks. and a gay exorcism
Somehow this dude cant make me Reeboks. Or shoes. Or glue. Or detergent.