Motorboating son of a bitch
Today was an amazing day here at the Jerk. Once all of the server issues were figured out, the traffic came pouring in. The new servers’ levees held their own, and Host I Can’t was defeated. Remember folks, if you like what you see, don’t forget to donate. It could lead to the post “Under the Lights presented by (your name).” How cool?
As for sports, we will have competition in two of the relevant sports. First off, the Real World/Road Rules Challenge season finale is on tonight. I have Tivo’d the last two weeks so I’m not sure who is left or what is going to happen. I’m sure someone will be near death and keep someone from winning the money. One thing I’m sure about, the Challenge has replaced hockey as America’s 4th favorite sport. As long as they don’t test for PED’s, it will keep gaining momentum.
We have a full slate of games on the MLB schedule tonight.
Royals @ Indians: Tune in tonight to see how Eric Wedge screws Carl Pavano out of yet another win. Gil Meche pitches for the Royals.
Angels @ Rays: Two playoff teams from last year square off tonight. Both teams are out of the playoffs if the season ended today. One of these teams will make the playoffs this year (Ctrl+P). Guess which one. Lackey vs. Niemann
Phillies @ Mets: The ace of the Mets pitched last night and picked up a victory. The Phillies’ ace goes tonight and for the sanity of fantasy owners, he better get a win. Hamels hasn’t been great but it should be a good matchup against Mike Pelfrey.
Yankees @ Red Sox: Boston has a season sweep going so far against the Yankees. New York is bound to win at some time. And it won’t be tonight. Wang starts for the Yankees tonight so get ready bullpen. Wakefield pitches for the Sox.
Stigs, that you in the background?
I won’t be able to watch any games, for I have tons of paperwork to do tonight.
/Boss is a dick
Old Man Leyland?
yay – Zombie of Gonzo got a job!
Hef told me I gotta work if I wanna keep the dedicated scoreboard in my name. I’d rather donate more money instead of working for it.
You sound like an aristocrat.
pretty weak though to end last weeks episode without telling you who won either challenge…bastards…
// mean’s I’ll def watch this week
// their ploy worked
yo soy conando!
http://www.tonightshowwithconanobrien.com/video/clips/noches-de-pasion-060809/1121622/
conando whupped on hurley from lost
The Yankees suck balls.
Nice applause for Swisher by the Fenway faithful for the effort. What a great group of fans.
Grass is green.
I’m assuming that was in response to my comment that Boston has the best fans in all of baseball. To which I respond: the sky is blue.
No, I was responding to the Yankees suck balls comment. The Boston fans are a bunch of racists.
Racist like a fox.
/Balk, balk, Hughes. What a chicken
Touche
I copied the following from the advertising link on the bottom of the page:
Why are there 3 different keywords relating to Joey Votto’s gayness?
I have no idea but I saw that the other day and I was wondering if he had been put on the DL with a broken hangnail or something.
Did I miss the south beach whores post?
where thars smoker thars fire!!
Where did you find those things?
WOOT!!! MLJ, now with sponsors. On this day a dude also shot up the Holocaust Museum. Coincidence? I think not.
At the very bottom under where you post comments. Or here.
That Leroy Smith ad looks like Eddie Murphy and slogan sounds like a porn tagline
For what reason did he shoot up the Holocaust Museum? Haven’t they suffered enough?
You guys need to pick it up on the Brazil demographic
I didn’t know 25% of your readership is between the ages of 3 and 11.
or not
It’s inflated due to today’s Video of the Day
4% Canucks?
3-11 yr olds really come to this website? Parents, watch your kids internet habits.
Tomorrow’s video of the day will just be puppies holding candy in their mouth while Spongebob laughs.
Ahem: YOUK ON A BITCH!
Didn’t clown say once he let’s his daughters read the site? I bet they told their friends. Word of mouth advertisement is the best in the biz.
Clown’s the worst dad ever.
Been pretty proud of the fetch 9000 today
This should be the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=px5njG8ikvo
Jordan didnt even do the show. Lebron would have.
I hope we never have to talk about the server again after today. It didn’t even flicker once.
The Fetch 9000 has been Johan like in it’s brilliance
i see mlj has some new commenters. yay?
Oh.and Clarence..welcome to the site..now go all the way and the back and take a seat behind mrjer92834859308502075827430243u50…
we also would like to to raise your hand before you speak
/said as brushing Air of Superiority’s mane
Also, feel free to click the “Donate” button
/Please click the ads
Someone is looking for a Widget named after him…
/it’s gonna cost ya
I aint new bitches
God Damnit don’t toy with me Rick
I aint Rick either. And quick question: could you please start planning the day by Mountain Time?
Don’t you lie..I see things others don’t
/except Hef, clown, stigs, CRM, Spencer, Happy, and Nick
Hey Hef did you hear jpq shot up the holocaust museum?
Mets suck
/
so does Rodney
Have you guys been to the Holocaust museum? I didn’t talk for hours afterward.
Rick, you coast down East Colfax yet?
No but I have a Buddie that looks just like Anne Frank. Ill send you a e-mail in just a sec.
Fucking Mets…they were cruising…but I forgot I root for the Mets so cruising is not an option
I went in 8th grade.
I went when I was 19. It got a little dusty in there.
Triston, no. I live 10 feet from Washington Park.
Hef, no, but I did eat shrooms and freak out in the Anne Frank Museum. Fucked up. Not recomended.
Either way, these are funny:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33446
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28566
nice location
We’re bragging about being rich now? Fucking bullshit cake eaters.
Todd helton is an asshole. Let’s start a petition now to keep that fag out of the Hall.
Agreed. Fuck that guy. Someone plant PEDs on him to confirm what we all know to be true.
Cocksucking Fuckers..bases loaded again…nothing..holy fucking balls cocksucking fucking shit..get a rat fucking single..Fuck
I live with my brother for now, but there are two units open in his building. But seriously, the bitches here are fine as fuck.
Blake Street Bombers rulez
They were all using. Your heroes are frauds!
Raul Ibanez thinks you should stop spreading rumors from your step mom’s basement.
Dante Bichette never used. NEVER!!!
/Ellis Burks may or may not have
no but i have been to the holocaust denial museum in backwoods kentucky.
/guy who shot up the museum
it was me that was using. tee hee.
/Greg Vaughn
My mom’s dead. Thanks. Thanks.
Me neither.
/cuz I bought a lot of cotton candy there. Best in the city
You call DC a city? How gauche.
the holocaust never happened museum is under construction in tehran.
/ahmadinejad’d
Re read the quote, professor.
No one will ever replace my dead mom. But thanks for reminding me that my dead mom is still dead and won’t ever be replaced. Thanks. Thanks.
Outstanding.
/claps
@Hef, Thank you for a more relevant response.
Thanks for reminding me that my dead mom will never again make a relevant response. Thanks. Thanks.
Whatever, douche
I heard Russian Mail order brides do the trick.
/
too soon?
//
line crossed?
did the nazis get her?
/line crossed?
//yeah probably
You guys behave of Hef is going to take back the Fetch 9000.
I blame Raul Ibanez
I’m this close to downgrading to the Fetch 3000. Try your luck smart guys. Try it.
Go….Redsocks????
I like the direction this conversation is taking.
Fuck the Yankees. And the Mets. And Jon Lackey, that fuckin bitch.