Quality Save

Yankees 4, Mets 2: Mariano Rivera notched his 500th career save against the Mets at Citi Field last night.  Mo is the best.  Unlike faggy asshole Derek Jeter has always been the face of the Yankees (well…since 1996 or whatever), Mariano actually deserved all the kudos that went his way.

It’s been over a decade of dominance for Rivera, an iron fisted dominance in the shape of one pitch, that unhittable cut fastball.  He’s gotta be a thousand years old at this point but as long as he’s got that cutter, it doesn’t matter because nobody has figured it out yet.  I’ve always hated the Yankees, but I’ve always loved Mo.

Oh, he hit an RBI too*.

*didn’t actually hit anything

Cubs 0, White Sox 6: In the fiercest interleague rivalry, John Danks change up’d his way to a 4 hitter over 8 innings of change uppedy baseball.  Did I mention he threw change ups?  Yep.  32 of em according to the four letter.

Both Alexi Ramirez and Jermaine Dye homered, but only one of them propositioned a male Cuban prostitute to be the pitcher to his catcher in a coke and cognac filled evening of anal sex fun.  Guess who!!!  Hint…it’s Dye.Royals 3, Pirates 2: Seriously?  MLB SERIOUSLY scheduled this game?  You have GOT to be shitting me.  What’s the O/U on people who watched this?  30,000?  I can’t imagine it being more than that.  I’m speechless.

Like, I realize that there are only so many teams in MLB, but for all intents and purposes these are two minor league teams.  Why even bother?  Was anyone clamoring for this matchup?  It’s like the anti-World Series.

Reds 8, Indians 1: You know who sucks?  The Indians.  I don’t even know why I mentioned this game, now that you mention it.  Oh, hey, look who it is!!!  The 2B who the Indians SHOULD’VE FUCKING KEPT AND FUCKING PLAYED BECAUSE HE’S FUCKING AWESOME.  See how he kicks ass, Shapiro?  That could’ve been yours.  Fuck…THAT WAS YOURS!!!  AND YOU LET HIM OFF THE HOOK!!!

Oh, but just keep trading away players for fucking prospects.  Listen, Tribe management…Indians fans don’t care.  We don’t care about all these fucking blue chip young’ns in the fucking minors, we care about fucking winning.  And when YOU KEEP TRADING AWAY OUR BEST FUCKING PLAYERS FOR FUCKING PENNIES ON THE DOLLAR, YOU KEEP PISSING US OFF.

And fire Wedge already, ok?  Haven’t you tortured him enough?

Golf: I hope to be as golfy good as Kenny Perry when I’m in my 40’s.

In a stacked field at TPC Birdiefest, KP rocked the field, shooting a final round 63 that was as highlight stacked as it comes.  He held off vets David Toms, Paul Goydos and Ben Curtis and young guns Hunter Mahan, Ryan Moore and Anthony Kim to win his 14th career tourney.

Lets put this into perspective as KP is pretty ignored when it comes to the best golfers on the planet…he has 5 wins since June 2008.  The next closest guys?  Tiger and Vijay with three each.  KP is the best driver of the golf ball in the game these days and constantly top 10’s.  He went from journeyman in his prime, to force of golf nature right when he’s about to turn 40.

And he looks like a hedgehog.