oregonunis

Enough is e-fucking-nough.

Yes, you have a blank check from Phil Knight and more cloth than all the children in Cambodia can sew but that doesn’t mean you have to look like a fucking collection of highlighters when you step on the football field.

A change was needed…DESPERATELY.  You literally had 40,000 different uniform and helmet combinations, and not a single one of them looked even remotely good, so at least you realized this.  The only thing I wish you realized that it was your shitty sense of uniform design in the first place that got you in your initial quagmire.

So lets start from the back and work our way front. 

Black Pants, Yellow Jersey, Black Helmet: This is terrible.  Black pants don’t work…EVER.  Someone name ONE good uniform set with black pants.  You can’t…it’s impossible.  Black pants on a football team should be banned past the high school level because it just looks retarded.

None More Black (copyright Spinal Tap): Ooo…sooooo intimidating.  Gay.  Moving on.

Green Pants, White Jersey and Helmet: What’s this?  A potential winner?

/starts from socks, moves on up

A WHITE FUCKING HELMET?!?!?!?!  This set was looking good until you see that white helmet.  This isn’t a knock against white helmets as they can look good…Texas’ come immediately to mind.  But Texas’ white helmets look so fucking good because a) the uni set looks great to begin with and b) they don’t try and add extra color beneath that.  If they went with a green helmet, and they still could, they’d have the best one of the bunch by far.

All Green: Good enough I guess.  I’m not a fan of all-solid uniforms, but these aren’t the worst offenders in college football.

Gray Pants, White Jersey, Something Helmet: Um…those aren’t your colors, dude.  You can’t just go adding colors to your uniforms that your school hasn’t used.  It doesn’t work that way.  Oregon is green and yellow, like they always have been.  White is universal, so whatever, but black and gray are BIG additions that can’t just be thrown in there.  When has Oregon ever worn gray?  And where does it stop?  What’s next, adding orange?  Purple?  Cerulean?  Sienna?

/looks thru box of crayons
//eats one

mm…lavender.

Anyways, this is stupid.

Other thoughts on why these new uniforms epitomize teh suck:

  • Wings: Those things on the shoulders are gay as fuck.  Have you ever seen a game worn jersey from a running back or lineman?  The shoulders are torn to shit.  You’re going to have a bunch of retarded looking guys in your front seven come the fourth quarter.  Nothing intimidates like destroyed fabric patterns.
  • Numbers: Using different fonts for numbers is cool, when done right.  The Steelers and Bears know how to do it right when venturing away from standard block numbering, but it can also lead to full fledged abortions like the Ravens and Jaguars.  These aren’t done right.  They look stupid and are going to be damn near impossible to read from a distance.
  • Different Helmets: Who the fuck has alternate helmets that aren’t part of a throwback kit?

College football is nothing without tradition.  NOTHING.  I understand that outside of USC and UCLA, nobody really gives a shit about college football on the West Coast, but that doesn’t mean you can just shit on tradition.

Think of the greatest college football uniforms…Texas, USC, LSU (home whites baby), Alabama, Michigan (home only…and they still suck), Florida, etc.  They haven’t changed in years and they’re as simple as it gets.  Sometimes you get little numbering change or maybe some altered piping, but for the most part, they haven’t changed since the 1950’s or earlier.  The uniform is as much a part of the program as the bowl wins and the stadium.

So Oregon…congrats, you’ve joined the illustrious group of college teams that can be named by their colors.  Screw the Scarlet and Gray, I’m gonna start rooting for the Angry Highlighters.

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