I was reading my favorite Lithuanian newpaper the other day when I learned about the great sport of baby racing. Baby racing is a sport that’s designed by and for retarded monkeys. Or poor people in third world countries. Same thing.
This is the finish line. See all the moms there holding stuffed animals, dolls and toys? But that one guy in the middle there, that guy is holding a laptop. Think about the brilliance of that move. Your kid is always scooting around the house getting into all the shit you don’t want him to play with. He grabs your laptop so you yell at him, shake him, throw him down a flight of stairs, etc. But that just makes him want it more. So what do you do? You bring the token of his desire to the baby racing competition to see if it gets any giddy-up in him.
And he’s out to a commanding lead. Look at all those pathetic, weak babies who are too busy sniffing each others’ asses. Their parents are failures when it comes to motivation. What self-respecting child would ever hurry for a stuffed sheep? You might as well put your son in a dress and call him Nancy.
And he wins! First place to the kid who will almost certainly be beaten later for playing with toys he knows he’s not allowed to touch. If you ask me, the beating is necessary if he wants his son to repeat next year. If he coddles him too much he’s just begging the kid to become complacent.
Is that a Lithuanian Padma Lakshmi? Goddamn, if I had known that I could meet an impersonator of a D-list celebrity I would have started racing my kids ages ago.
That’s just good parenting.
Wonder what kind of odds you can get on these races.
More meth addicted fans. Chi-Sox or Cards?
http://redeye.chicagotribune.com/search/sns-ap-us-missouri-meth,0,7189610.story
I like that you guys are so cultured. You find the most random shit EVAR.
That is your favorite Lithuanian newspaper? That one sucks, I prefer the Nuusalijhtveeranqp Times.
We’ve got so much culture it oozes out of our asses*.
*this comment may or may not increase the level of culture at this site.
Brilliant. This post should be linked all over the InterWorld.
Haha. “The new thing is the ’shake and bake’ method of creating meth.”
I goggled the method and the results are astounding
Question, should I click on the link to the “How to make meth” blog while I am at work?
We’ve got so much culture it oozes out of our asses*.
This right before lunch. Thanks.
Good thing we’re not grabbing lunch today. I might have made myself sick.
Paris -
There is a site strictly about meth called “somechicksblog.com”, which is actually about recovery and spotting meth labs.
Just google “shake and bake” meth and click on an abc link. Shit is crazy.
shake ‘n bake bitches
Try to be less disgusting on Tuesday.
/no homo
the white babies have deceptive speed and a nonstop motor combined with a high baby crawling iq. next year when intergration is finally put in place in the Baby Racing League expect to see babies with explosive first crawls and out of this world athleticism.
This was pretty funny
i figured bobby moynihan was above profiting off his kid
Check out this auto-reply email I got:
And they say customer service is dead?
That mom’s hot, btw.
That’s awesome. Was it to an individual or to a general customer service email address?
Congrats, you got linked on Deadspin.
/
will come back when Hosticant has left
Dead-spin?
He only won because his parents shaved his head to cut down on wind resistance.
Hef youre late.
http://twitter.com/TampaBO/status/1999640566
Individual person.
Did you see the worst album cover link in the bottom right. Funny as shit.