It’s that time again. The time when we all get to start making guesses about who we think was using and who we hope is never mentioned in the same breath as Jose Canseco. The reason? Well since Major League Baseball refuses to release the entire list of the 104 players who tested positive for PEDs in 2003 even as individual names leak every few weeks, I have taken it upon myself to speculate as rampantly as possible. For this task I’ve enlisted friends of the site as well as the 3000 writers who contribute on a regular basis.
Today’s game goes like this–In the comment section below list the following:
1. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids (regardless of any current existing evidence):
2. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids:
3. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids:
4. Player I Am Certain Is Using or Has Used in the Past:
Seeing as it’s my poll, I’ll take the first shot.
Hef–MLJ
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids (regardless of any current existing evidence): Derek Jeter if only because it would shut up all those conversations about how clutch he is. We get it, he hit a home run in November (in a World Series he lost!). If he actually had a hit in innings 1-6 he might not need to hit so many clutch shots late in the game because his team wouldn’t be playing from behind.
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids: David Ortiz. If only because his sudden decline will once again remind baseball fans that maintaining impressive stats year after year is a lot harder when you’re clean.
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids: Cal Ripken Jr. And not because he was such a nice guy but because he played every day. I would be stunned to learn that everything I’ve ever heard about how using steroids increases your likelihood of injury is wrong.
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past: Luis Gonzalez. This one’s almost too easy. If Gonzo didn’t use PEDs in 2001 I will buy all of my regular commentators a new car.
Josh Q. Public
I: Too easy…with you all the way….Derek Jeter…I would giggle like a schoolgirl for days
II: Already happened…Manny…if I have to pick though….Pedro… In 1999 he was the best pitcher I’ve ever seen in my life
III Greg Maddux… No way man…just no way (On your Cal pick, I would not be surprised in the least. i actually suspect)
IV: Gabe Kaplar, Hafner, Nomar
Will, Brahsome.com
I: Mark McGwire in a meaningful and painful way. Fuck him.
II: John Smoltz linked to steroids would result in the following headline: “Lonely Blogger Takes His Own Life, Pants Not Involved”
III: Greg Maddux who falls in the same cat as Smoltz, in that I would hang myself. But I suppose because he’s not a “power pitcher” I find it less likely.
IV: Brett Boone. He smells like steroids.
Ethan, NESW Sports
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids (regardless of any current existing evidence): Barry Bonds so he will go to jail for perjury. Clemens for the same reason.
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids: Frank Thomas. If he did steroids, it would be a big hurt. ( ba dump tish)
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids: Maddux, Glavine, Smoltz
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past: Pudge.
Zoner Sports
I. ken rosenthal
II. ed hochuli
III. john daly
IV. cherokee parks
Will nice touch going Roman. Hef have fun on ESPN.
Paneech.com
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids : Barry Bonds. He is the posterchild for continuations in the courtroom and his ass should be locked up for letting his hat size triple in two years.
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids: Ken Griffey Jr. He is the prototype second generation player, and hasn’t bulked up too much since 1989.
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids: Tim Wakefield
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past: Travis Hafner and David “Big Pop Me” Ortiz.
The World of Isaac
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids-Cal Ripken (just to piss of phil from Gunaxin)
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids-Joel Zumaya….I’d like to think somebody can hit 103mph naturally
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids-Griffey
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past-Pudge Rodriguez
Spencer096, MLJ
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids (regardless of any current existing evidence): Sal Fasano…because you can never get enough Sal Fasano.
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids: Grady Sizemore because he’s as pure as the driven snow.
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids: If Tim Lincecum is using steroids then he must be fucking up royally.
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past: Jonathan Papelbon…you mean the dude who throws gas, has no testicles, acts like a crazy son of a bitch and has crazy eyes hasn’t been rumored to be using yet? Seriously? Fuck this asshole…I KNOW he’s roiding.
RomanWarHelmet, MLJ
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids (regardless of any current existing evidence): Jimmy Rollins…I mean come one..He is a douche and frankly we all know he made a deal with the devil for his MVP season..that and he is a filthy bastard
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids: Mike Piazza…it would breaka my heart
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids: Luis Castillo…the guy can’t hit the ball 4 fucking feet
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past: Every single Yankee and Red Sox player..every single solitary one. But if you want one..just one…Barry Bonds…I am fairly certain he did it. Oh and A_Rod too..I think I heard he did it too.
Cousins of Ron Mexico, MLJ
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids (regardless of any current existing evidence): Raul Ibenez. How dare he attack the blogging community!
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids:Either Josh Beckett or Steve Bartman. I guess either would mean the 2003 World Series win was tainted.
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids: David Wright. I wouldn’t mind seeing him linked to a hat though.
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past: Jim Thome – Just because.
Clown, MLJ
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids (regardless of any current existing evidence): Dave Roberts. Anything to further taint that 2004 “title” is okay by me
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids: Derek Jeter. But of course it would never happen because he couldn’t bang all of those hot chicks if he had shrunken nuts.
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids: Juan Pierre. Seriously, he can’t even wear a batting helmet without his cap on also.
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past: Pedro Martinez. An amazing run followed by a precipitous downfall when they started serious testing. What do you know, put another asterisk on 2004*!!!
1 Happy Street, MLJ
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids (regardless of any current existing evidence): Carlos Zambrano
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids: Frank Thomas
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids: Frank Thomas
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past: Carlos Zambrano
NickP, MLJ
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids (regardless of any current existing evidence): David Eckstein. If only to get FJM to come out of retirement.
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids: Barry Larkin. The 11 year old Reds fan inside me would cry.
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids: Greg Maddux. The cerebral pitcher’s pitcher who couldn’t break a window with his fastball could not have been on the juice, right?
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past: Doug Drabek. Because fuck him. That’s why.
Stigs, MLJ
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids (regardless of any current existing evidence): Alfonso Soriano because he’s currently the only player in the 40/40 club not linked to roids. Plus, he’s a bad baseball player who runs into a ton of balls golfed from the dirt that end up in the seats which make people think he’s good.
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids: Ryan Braun. Because once Pujols goes down, Braunie would then be the only player to start his career with 10 30+ Home Run seasons.
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids: Tony Gwynn because he was always a great contact hitter, and he never had huge power numbers or a major (20+ HR) jump in performance. Also, he got fat as a house towards the end of his career, which coincided with the peak of the steroid era.
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past: Aaron Henry: Sure, he’s not an MLB player, but did you see the roid rage in that movie. OMG, he had some mood swings. Only a true thespian like Ben Affleck could capture those emotions.
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we were gonna be passed around the Internet today. I would have taken more than 7 minutes to put together the Quality Start.
Happy, you may not have noticed this but you listed the same two guys twice on your exam answer. Are you sure that’s how you want to list your answers?
And who outside of Chicago doesn’t think Frank Thomas used the good stuff? Anyone?
1. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids (regardless of any current existing evidence): Derek Jeter – I think I would buy copies of all the NY papers just to frame the back pages.
2. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids: David Ortiz – because as a Boston fan living in NJ, I would never hear the end of it.
3. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids: No one. Not a single one.
4. Player I Am Certain Is Using or Has Used in the Past: Travis Hafner – I think he faked his own death when they started testing.
what, you mean his 60-day DL stints for a “sore elbow” when he hasn’t played in the field EVER weren’t legitimate?
C’mon. No one? Not anyone? No one at all? Solid opinion, bud.
/channeling that one douche
I’m suburban, does that count?
Figures, whitey.
This story reminds me of Travis Hafner since they started testing.
At least Ortiz is taking his lumps like a man …. or at least has found some new drug they don’t test for.
bear…typical boston fan, “at least OUR guy is out there sucking massive dick.” good for him. what a trooper. proving to kids everywhere that you don’t need steroids to suck in the big leagues.
get the pope on the line…lets get this bitch canonized.
Nope, not a one. Not Eckstein, Wakefield, Juan Pierre, or even the Philly Phanatic.
Yeah, he’s definitely not shying away from the criticism. I hope he’s clean. Just like Manny who didn’t start using roids until he got to August.
/puts fingers in ears
//lalalalalalala
/Doesn’t give a shit
If Eckstein used steroids I might give up baseball for good just based on the whole ridiculous nature of the situation. Plus they might call him a gamer afterward.
spence….you putting up another US Open post? For some reason MLJ isn’t blocked at work today and I could use a time killer.
yea this afternoon sometime.
might even make it a live blog.
Now I bet Spence is on steroids.
1. Raul Ibanez
2. Cal Ripken Jr
3. Alex Pujols
4. Big Poppi
No, because he’s been pretty consistent with his output. Now if Gonzo where to come out of nowhere and start putting up liveblogs and 3,000 words diatribes, then I’d be suspicious.
yay!!! im the prospect with all sorts of potential who shows flashes of decency but fails to live up to expectations and eventually becomes a maddening source of frustration for our fanbase!!!
im MLJ’s delmon young!!!
/i swear to god, if you trade me to the twins, im gonna open fire on all your asses
HAHAHAHA!
Happy. You down for a White Sox game on July 17. Against The O’s?
The travesty of linking all these poor people to steroids..forever and ever people will google Steroids and Doug Draebek and this will come up…I mean look what happened to Joey Votto…one reference to his love of cock and Poof disappears with an anxiety attack
Go O’s!!!!!!!
wow. sounds like a real barn-burner right there.
wanking motion?
Roman,
O’s > Mets
CBH
Small Sample Size
/runs away crying because the Small Sample Size showed the Mets sucking
1. Since Ripken on Meth doesn’t count I have to go with Willie McGee
2. Vlad
3. Daniel Herrera
4. Pujols
We did it guys!!!
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=doug+drabek+steroids&aq=f&oq=&aqi=
/Fuck Doug Drabek
1. Roman: cuz I don’t think it was this “Medifast” thing that he made up
2. Stigs: because he really doesn’t have any mussels (/stigs’d)
3. Happy: the dude’s quite frail. He barely hold his own in the mean streets of suburban Chicago.
4. Hef: You should’ve seen the crazy rage he went into in Mehico when we were playing poker.
Rex Kramer: Does Viagra count as PED?
I. Player I Most Want to See Linked to Steroids- Prince Fielder(would kinda kill the “too fat to be on PEDs” thought process)
II. Player I Least Want to See Linked to Steroids- I dont give a shit. i wish everyone on the cubs would be juiced out of their minds
III. Player I Would Be Most Surprised to See Linked to Steroids- Tony Gwynn
IV. Player I Am Certain is using or has used in the past- Jimmy Rollins
1. David Ortiz — because fuck Boston, that’s why.
2. Pudge Rodriguez, even though he probably did use, because he’s pretty much my favorite catcher ever.
3. Doug Glanville — come on, did you expect me to say anyone else? Seriously, Dougy Doug couldn’t lift his glove high enough to rob a home run.
4. Bret Boone — Bonds is jealous of how much bigger this asshole got.
Brett Boone has gotten a pass from the white media. We should start using him as a reference more often.
/and Luis Gonzalez
BET News and Telemundo has been all over Boone though and he wont soon forget when Al-Jazeera had a reporter camped out on his front lawn
I kind of hope David Eckstein is on the list too. How funny would that be, white media?
Enjoy