What do you mean I shouldn't pitch from my knees?
ParisHiltonsLazyEye to share with us his thoughts on the situation.
I remember was at Buffalo Wild Wings when I heard the news that the Tigers were trading for Miggy Cabrera and the D-Train. At first I thought that my 4th Blue Moon was causing me to see things on the ESPN ticker, so I asked my friends and they had all seen the same thing, I quietly pondered spending the fall watching the Tigers win the World Series. The whole state was excited, the Tigers had just made an improbable run to the World Series and now management had decided to spend some money on one of the best hitters in the game. Detroit was going to be the Artie Lange of Major League Baseball. I was anticipating watching the Tigers lineup batter the rest of the AL, but I was also intrigued about the possibility of having a former 20 game winner on our pitching staff.
Two weeks after the trade, Tigers GM Dave Dombrowski made the inspired* decision to sign D-Train to a 3 year, 29 Million dollar contract. At this point, Dombrowski could do no wrong as he had led the Tigers to the fall classic just three years after losing 119 games. However, a few were concerned about Dontrelle’s decline in the past year and the fact that in 2006 he led the majors in hit batters with 19.
Dontrelle’s Tiger career did not start off well, much like the Tigers 2008 season. In a game against the White Sox, he hurt his knee on the first pitch and was pulled before recording an out. He was having control problems. His quirky delivery that he had become famous for with the Florida Marlins looked uncomfortable and forced. The Tigers tried him in the bullpen before sending him to single A Lakeland. He returned to make three mediocre starts at the end of the Tigers abysmal season.
Due to his horrible contract, the Tigers continued to stand behind Willis and give him a shot at earning a starting spot in 2009. After 8 2/3 Grapefruit League innings where he allowed 15 runs, 17 hits, and 7 walks, the Tigers placed D-Train on the 15 day DL with an anxiety disorder discovered by something found in a blood test. What this meant was that the Tigers had no clue what was wrong with Dontrelle and couldn’t use massive head case or cerebral hamAIDS as a reason to place him on the DL.
When Dontrelle returned from the DL he pitched an uninspiring game against the Twins, an absolute gem against the Texas FraudRangers and then reverted to 2008 form including a game against the Red Sox where he was pulled before giving up a hit but not before allowing 5 runs with 5 walks and a hit batter. The Red Sox won that game 6-3 despite being super gay. It was at this point I knew it was time to pull the plug. Watching the D-Train pitch this season has been so frustrating that it has made me beat my kids more often.** Dontrelle made a few more bad starts and has mercifully been put back on the DL.
This DL trip may be the end for Dontrelle’s baseball career. His story is truly baffling; he is only 27 years old and had such a bright future when he was a 21 year old rookie of the year. I wish D Train the best and will always appreciate what he was able to accomplish in the early part of his career. But what he will be remembered for in Detroit is the face of an era of uncontrolled spending on bad contracts.
*in this case, inspired means incredibly stupid
** Just kidding, I don’t have any kids so I beat my neighbor’s kids or random kids at the mall
Will any of this effect Marcus Thames MVP run?
/hangs up and listens
He should fix his goddamned hat!
/Old-timer’d
hi PHLE, long time first time, does this make cleveland > detroit?
/hangs up and listens
This is a terrific question. The thing that most people don’t know about Marcus Thames is that nothing effects Marcus Thames. So although, the pitching staff may be in limbo, Marcus Thames will continue to strike out 33% of the time.
That is a silly question, nothing will ever make that happen.
Rough start.
/cthomashowell’d
He probably has anxiety from his upcoming announcement that he is gay.
The Orioles are gay.
/overly defensive
with the amount of openly gay ballplayers on the tigers he should have nothing to worry about.
Nice post Paris.
/Still fake friends?
Sure
/offers a beer
//opens one for myself
Good job, Paris. It was funny, but it could have used a few more run-on’s. Clown, I thought you were only going to let Paris write this if he agreed to not be funny. I don’t want people thinking this is easy.
I won’t take this seriously since I know you typed it while wearing a purple vest.
Nobody told me I was going to have to understand proper grammar and spelling.
That picture looks like “Dorf on Pitching”
Happy you meant, goof jerb Nikki, right?
+1 for the Nikki, cbh
ha-hah.
/nelson’d
//tigers are cool…detroit’s still ghey
He’d make a great WR for the Lions…just saying