Another week, another bout of depression for having to cover the AL Central.
Sigh.
Maybe the picture of Hello Kitty will make me feel better…
Didn’t work. Anyways…
Reversion to the Mean Award: This is a two parter.
- Kansas City: Remember their hot start? Yea, me too…but when you don’t win for a week straight, chances are good that was just a blip on the radar. Looking at their early run differential when they were still the “cream” of the AL Central made one think that they were destined for some rocky times, and lo…a month later, one’s premonition was proven correct. Greinke is still tits…he’s a shoe-in for the “Cliff Lee Award” for best pitcher on a team that has absolutely no shot at playing baseball after 162 games.
- Chicago White Sox: A recent hot streak has “catapulted” the White Sox back to within shouting distance of .500. Bad news? Their offense is neck deep in suckitude and their pitching is nothing better than “meh.” I keep saying this but it just doesn’t seem to manifest itself in the eyes of Meth Sox fans (probably because they’re on meth), but hot streaks don’t mean shit in May unless your team isn’t a hot, steaming pile of dung.
Rival Team I Hate because of Location, but Really Enjoy Watching Award: YOUR Detroit Tigers, despite a rocky week, are the class of the division and look to be firmly entrenched as the postseason representative favorites. Pitching? Strong. Offense? More than potent enough to get the job done. Defense? Surprisingly passable.
At some point, the Tigers are going to really seperate themselves from the rest of the division and make it really hard for anyone to catch them. They simply it working right now, and considering the wreckage that strewns the AL Central landscape, chances are good that no other team is really going to step up and challenge them.
Granderson and Miggy are putting up incredible seasons and if the pitching stays as rock solid as it has been, this team could surprise people come October. Sure, I hate Michigan like pretty much every red-blooded individual on the face of the planet, but I like this Tigers team a whole helluva lot.
You Have Two Good Players, so Take Your Criticism Like a Man Award: This one goes to the Minnesota Twins.
I fucking cannot stand this team any longer and wish them nothing but contraction. Sure, statistically they’re fine and a pretty damn good defensive club, but I’m going to shit on them the rest of the season based on principle. The Twins are like a bee…Mauer and Morneau are the stinger and the rest of the team is the part of a bee’s existence that is nothing more than an annoyance to humanity.
Of course, I could’ve just compared them to Joe Flacco or Celine Dion or whatever public figure sucks and called it a day…but I’d rather pour salt into a certain someone’s wound and ask him nicely to not take shit seriously and act like a big boy.
Was that passive aggressive enough?
Mike Tyson Award: To the most bipolar team that’s equally capable of blowing you out of the water in dominant fashion as they are to try and take a bite out of your ear after seven rounds of getting their shit kicked in…the Cleveland Indians.
They CAN win in a variety of fashions, from eeking out close wins to slugfests to your typical 5-2ish, average regular season win, but CAN is the operative word here. Did you see all those scenarios listed above? They were all on display this last week.
Frankly, nobody has one fucking single clue as to what to expect from this team. They SHOULD be better, but aren’t. Their best pitchers are a guy who kicks ass and gets ZERO run support and Carl Fucking Pavano. They score a fuckton of runs, but give up just as many thanks to a bullpen that can be best described as the remnants of a trioge camp during WWI being sent in to pitch.
And despite having a season so far that can best be described as “lousy,” the Indians are a scant 8 games out of first with 108 to play…yet some people are already calling for them to hold a firesale? A little premature, no?
In any event, the Tribe suck and I want Jeremy Sowers to never pitch in an Indians uniform as long as I’m blessed with eyesight.
didn’t feel the need to blockquote the entire thing. that must have been difficult to type.
/fixed
//fuck holyfield
surprisingly not.
ive been watching a lot of the tigers recently and they’re nothing if not entertaining. i’ll take that anyday over a shitshow like the meth sox, twins and royals.
plus…best home unis in baseball.
troof
i called my brother to tell him happy birthday yesterday and he was at the meth sox game. pretty sure it was the worst birthday of his life.
love the ol’ English D.
i may be biased, but calling them the meth sox is getting quite stale.
/two can play at this game’d
In all seriousness, I’m all for hating different teams and cities. But we need something new and funny that the whole family can enjoy. Calling them the Meth Sox and saying Cleveland has AIDS isn’t funny, at least not anymore, and at least not to me. I’m willing to go along with the majority on that if I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am.
Status quo! Status quo! Status quo!
/pounds on table
like making fun of the twins?
I double-checked with my family and they’re on board for making fun of the Twins. Count us in.
Quality effort Clown.
I never noticed my tig old’s before. I need to hit the gym.
you might wanna ditch the fanny pack too while you’re at it.
my 11 year old nephew is a white sox fan. i’m real worried that i am going to slip up and say meth sox in front of him, then have to sit him down and give him the talk. that would suck.
Never! I use it to hide my muff.
arod and happy are twins apparently
/bitchtits
Just to be clear, we are no longer using the term MethSox or associating AIDS with Cleveland but we are making fun of the Twins? I approve.
count me in!!! Twins are unklefukkas.
Can’t we all just agree on making fun of the Royals instead?
What about Chicago Free Base to refer to both teams in the city of gays?
what the fuck is wrong with you?
what’s next, hawkeye, picking on the blind? shoving around down’s patients? dear lord man, next thing you know you’re going to suggest we make fun of helen keller.
/how did helen keller’s parents punish her?
//moved her furniture around
Three words, spence: Low Hanging Fruit
Our first mistake was listening to Happy. I hear that guy is a Meth Sox fan. Fuck him.
/I’m just so glad it’s back.
//Hernia’d
low hanging fruit is for peons. PEONS I SAY!!!
yeah hawkeye thats akin to a florida sports team asking to play a ohio sports team every time.
that cut deep. real deep.
How dare you Hawk.
/Royals suck
//The new K is nice though
Since the Cleveland AIDS thing is apparently dead, we have a new one.
The Mets have swine flu!!!!!
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/baseball/mlb/06/03/mets.swineflu/index.html
Fuck that shit Cleveland still has AIDS
Those fuckers aint Magic Johnson