Crazy Bones describes what it's like to watch his team try to hit a baseball
I had the honor of watching my White Sox in person on Wednesday night as they faced Justin Verlander and the Tigers at U.S. Cellular Field. I guess I was looking forward to it because previous to last night, I had only been to one game so far this year. Also, I was going to have decent seats. So yeah, it should have been a good time. A couple things I hadn’t considered though when I originally bought the tickets back in March:
- The game-time temperature in Chicago on June 10th was going to be 48 degrees.
- The White Sox’ offense this year would completely suck balls.
Now the first thing wasn’t really my fault. How could I have known that the weather in Chicago on June 10th would be cold as fuck? It wouldn’t have been impossible to predict that, but it would have been unlikely. The farmer’s almanac is only good for so much. The second thing though about the White Sox offense sucking balls? Yeah I probably should have seen that one coming.
Few things in life are as boring as watching your favorite baseball team if they can’t hit. I was trying to come up with a list of things that I’ve done in my life that was more boring than watching the White Sox try to hit a baseball and I was only able to come up with two things: sitting through a mandatory United Way presentation at work and driving to Michigan. Congratulations, White Sox hitters. Watching you has cracked my top 3.
On the surface, you’d think that watching Alexei Ramirez try to hit when he’s facing Justin Verlander would be comical. And it probably would be for most of you. But for me, watching Alexei Ramirez try to hit surpassed comical weeks ago and has officially moved into tragic. The thing of it is, I don’t even blame Ramirez. Well some of the time I do, but certainly not last night. No the blame for last night goes to Ozzie Guillen for putting him in a position where he had no option but to fail miserably. How is it fair to expect a guy who is bad at hitting to succeed when he’s facing a guy who is terrific at pitching? You have to know your limitations. Fucking Ozzie.
At one point last night after Chris Getz led off the 8th inning with a single (he was representing the tying run), I said out loud to nobody in particular, “please don’t sacrifice bunt with Brian Anderson, please don’t sacrifice bunt with Brian Anderson, please don’t sacrifice bunt with Brian Anderson.” My logic was simple: you do not give away outs when you have difficulty getting hits to begin with. The guy sitting behind me overheard my request, so he responded with, “don’t worry, Man. I think they’ve learned their lesson.” So what happened? Brian Anderson laid down a bunt. Shockingly, it was a good one that “got the job done”, moving Getz to 2nd with one out. The problem with this scenario though? THEY GAVE AWAY A FUCKING OUT!!!!!!!!
The dude sitting behind me kind of chuckled and said, “hey, at least he got the bunt down and didn’t pop it up to the catcher.” It was a solid point, but I could tell that the White Sox’ inability to get a hit when there is a runner in scoring position was not lost on either of us. So I wagered a bet.
“I’ll bet any of you 13 dollars that Chris Getz does not score,” I said aloud to my entire section.
“A sucker’s bet,” my section responded.
Lucky for them, they didn’t take me up on my offer. One Scott Podsednik groundout and one Ramirez strikeout later and my team’s “threat” was over, along with any notions that they could pull out a victory.
And that’s the problem with teams that can’t hit. Not only are they boring to watch, but they’re unbelievably predictable. I guess the only thing left to look forward to is today’s game, when they can do it all over again.
What really happened.
Way off, Paris. We did meth in like the 2nd or 3rd inning. The Cell sells meth at every pizza stand, so you pick it up when you walk in. But they have last call in the 7th, so we were all out by the time Anderson hit.
I was at an awful game myself on Tuesday night. Going to a bad baseball game is like sitting on a playground for three hours watching a bully beat up your kid. Sure it’s frustrating but at least it’s sort of entertaining too.
fuck, 48 degrees on june 10th? you can cut the fucking humidity here with a knife right now and it is only 75.
To be fair, Verlander can make a lot of teams hitting look terrible. Alexei Ramirez hit a home run off Bonderman on Monday night.
this post made me happy.
Reminds me of an O’s/Yankees game I went to a few years ago. It was about 105 degrees, the O’s were getting their asses beat, and the stadium was full of Yankees fans. Oh and my fiancee was with me and complained the whole time. Great times!
That makes the “watching your kid get beat up” analogy even rougher. Suddenly, all of the bully’s family is there rooting for him as he beats up your kid.
O’DOYLE RULES!!!
Fucking A this is your fault. You live in Chicago and have no idea it would be tittie cold on June 10th? Fuck, I am not from there and I could tell you that. It is scientific fact that it is only warm in Chicago from July 4th to September 4th. And not only is it warm it is so hot Satan thinks it’s a bit much. After that it snows because of the lake effect. Holy shit Happy, how dumb are you.
[Trying to think of a comeback]
You’re gay.
/kicks feet up on desk, takes puff of cigar, exhales, high fives the air, shuts off computer monitor for the day.
WHHOOOOO!!! Nice one, Happy! Eat a dick, Roman! WHOOOOOO!O!O!O!O!O!O!O
Bravo my man. Kenny Williams is a peice of shit. That faggot could have got Orlando Hudson instead were stuck with that fag Chris Getz. Hes a Michigan grad but a complete peice of shit. We need to make a move. Our hitting coach needs to be raped and killed. Thome is old as fuck and Konerko is still good but on the decline. Pitching sucks too, most of the time do to poor run support. Nick Swisher would have been great this season. I think Kenny is saying fuck this season and we will reload this summer…I hope.
/begins autoerotic asphyxiation
//wish me luck
this sentence is confusing the fuck out of me.
he’s a michigan grad BUT a complete piece of shit?
ALL michigan grads are complete pieces of shit, lawya.
That would have helped. The White Sox defense boots more balls than a pack of dykes on bikes.
Were you touched in your privates by a Michigan grad or somethin’?
Spencer Michigan grads wipe their asses with OSU diplomas.
/This message brought to you by benches.com
Nice anger.
True story – a guy I work with now went to high school with Getz.
He said, “It’s pretty cool that a guy from my high school is a Major League Baseball player.”
I said, “No, he’s not.”
/I then put on my lollerskates and rolled away
nope…it’s just science.
wipe their asses after getting plowed by orlando pace.
haha. We would have accepted “I got in my lollercopter and flew away.
or, “then i hopped onto a lollercoaster and went for a ride.”
Or “then I chuckled a bit and then went back to work in my cubicle where my life is slowly being drained from soul.”