Pirates Cubs Baseball

Dear Carlos,

Let me start by saying that yesterday’s theatrics leading up to and after your ejection were pretty epic.  It was a heck of a show that you put on, one that I enjoyed watching again and again (thanks, mlb.tv!).  For those reading who can’t see the video at work, I’ll take a minute to narrate:

You’re pitching in the top of the seventh at the friendly confines of Wrigley Field when you throw a wild pitch.  Soto scrambles to get the ball and flips the ball to you (nice block of home plate, by the way) for a hell of a close play.  The ump calls Nyjer Morgan safe (and if you look, his left hand does slide around your foot so it is the right call) and you flip out.  You get right up in the ump’s face and then (accidentally?) bump him which is an immediate ejection and will probably result in a suspension.  Then you start mocking the ump and pretend to eject him; you throw the ball toward the outfield bleachers (just a little short); and finally you destroy the Gatorade machine in the dugout with a bat.  It really was an epic meltdown.

Here’s the thing: epic meltdowns are funny and all, but they’ve got to be the least professional, most self-centered part of baseball.  This is one play in a day game in May.  Against the Pirates.  In May.  It’s one fucking run.  How do you allow yourself to get that upset over one run in a game against the Pirates.  If you’re that pissed, channel your energy into preventing them from scoring any more runs.  This isn’t just about you, after all, this is about your team.

You know what you’re acting like when you get that riled up about one stupid run in May?  Cubs fans are familiar with the phrase so it won’t come as much of a shock.  You’re acting like a loser.  That’s right, you’re acting like someone who’s never been in a big time situation before; who’s never seen what success looks like; who lacks the perspective to see how petulant and absurd you were acting.  As much as I personally don’t like Derek Jeter, his loyalest supporters have one thing right about him: that dude is calm, cool and collected always.  He looks like a winner because he acts like a winner.  He doesn’t get worked up about 1 run n the top of the seventh in a game against the Pirates in May.  You know why?  [Aside from the fact that the Yankees don't play day games against the Pirates in May]  Because it’s just one game.  Look at the standings, asshole.  Yes, I know you and the Cubs have had a rough two weeks.  I know that you’ve fallen all the way to fourth in the NL Central.  I know it gets frustrating when you keep losing games everyday, games you think you should win.  But getting yourself suspended is not the answer.  That’s just going to result in more losses and more frustrations.  Do you see the never ending cycle you now find yourself on?

And to the fans cheering this guy on, yes this was a funny moment to watch.  But as a Cubs fan how can you cheer for Zambrano during and after that blowup?  He’s going to cost your team some runs and maybe wins now by sitting out a game or two.  He’s going to contribute to your team’s reputation as a bunch of hack frauds who can’t figure out how to win because you’re too busy acting like a bunch of whiny assholes.

I suddenly don’t blame the Wrigley fans for booing so much in the playoffs last year.  If I had to watch the Cubs play everyday I’d boo too.

Sincerely,

Hef

p.s. How funny is it that Lou Pinella, a man known for his meltdowns both as a player and a coach, thinks Zambrano was being excessive yesterday?

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