Good evening humans and robots. Today was a, well I’ll just come out with it, today was an amazingly awesome day here at Major League Jerk. Sadly you all didn’t get to experience it because Hostican’t fucked the whole thing up. I for one do not welcome our new Hostican’t overlords. If you want to read more about those assholes, go here. Seriously can someone buy us a new server?
Anyways, my apologies to Paris for ruining his Jerk of the Month post. Tonight is a light day of baseball, and the Twins don’t play, so I’ll probably watch some hockey.
The majors have no games tonight, but there are some enticing minor league games:
Atl at Wash
Fla (cmon Andrew Miller, I have your bitch ass going in fantasy tonight) at Pit
Cin at Hou
Col at Ari
I also have no idea what hockey games are on tonight. I think the Rangers are going up 3-0 on the Caps but that’s all I got. Anyways, this is a shorty version of UTL but I’m not copying and pasting and I don’t want to re-write it if Hostican’t fucks up.
D. ROSE ON A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/Hef sucks
//HostIcan’t
You guys are paying 130 bucks a year for hostican’t? You should just hire mexicans to run back and forth between us delivering sick burns for 30 pesos a decade
That isn’t the worst idea you’ve ever had.
i was gonna propose that we just tie strings on the end of soup cans so we can burn each other and save the 30 pesos.
Im excited for this. Who else?
i wanna dip my balls in it!
I’ve got the whole series on my computer. It’s fantastic.
Top 3:
1. Monkey Torture
2. Toothbrush…you came back to me.
3. Taco Salesman Postman
Hef – what were the numbers like for today? Did they beat Big Erns House of Whoop Ass?
Nope. Big Ern was linking to tits. Nothing creates clicks more than tits. Surprised you didn’t know that.
I thought it was cock shots
/
TBL
The two most hilariously awkward shoes are on MTV: One is the show where 4 random college kids carry cameras around, and the other is the kids who are at the artsy fartsy high school
BTW, Red Sox are now in 2nd in the AL East (Hef Prediction comes true!) and the Yankees are still fucking gay.
/and their fans
Thanks assholes. I had to actually work today.
Where does Muppet Hunting rank? Or The Bearded Men of Space Station 11? The Jew, the Italian, and the Red Head Gay?
All of those are amazing. I might have to come up with an official list post to celebrate the release.
Unless you are a fan of HOstican’t you didnt miss much.
Best idea since CRM’s Halloween Costume series. Orphan Gameshow would also make my Top 10.
I’ve never heard of any of this
Ray Allen’s head looks like a giant Milk Dud
youre too young.
racist!
/tampa’d
I remember a year after The State was cancelled, they came back and did a Shakespeare sketch at Spring Break. Hef, you would have loved it.
The native american tribes are voting on our nickname tomorrow. should be exciting
Orphan Gameshow and Meet the State (the entire series) are awesome.
the state clip
True dat.
I love how they use a mannequin at the end of the table because there were only 10 of them.
My favorite was Hits From the 70’s.
/TBL
Hostican’t is responsible for the deaths of over two thousand infants.
that clip was 10X funnier than any recent saturday night live. it was weird watching a sketch comedy show where they arent obviously reading from cue cards
You know who created the Hostican’t company? Hitler.
/I’m done now
well it is his birthday
That explains everything.
Mrejr already knows that Fetch. He ordered a cake for this event weeks ago.
paris if i give you some money out of my wallet will that make you feel better?
yeah hef? well you’re gay!
/i got nothin
Yes, yes that would.
Maybe Pit can win the Central?
I ripped a 20 dollar bill clean in half last weekend. How can I spend that?
paris if you check the previous post i said some nice words about you to try to keep the ball rollin.
Thanks mrejr, I am powerless to stop hostican’t, but I appreciate the kind words.
Either tape it back together or take it to your bank, they might replace it for you because they can send it to the federal reserve as mutilated currency. Sometimes they will replace it, sometimes they won’t. If they don’t call them racist, make sure you yell it.
Please send it to:
Hostican’t
c/o MajorLeagueJerk
1 Server Way
Bucharest, Romania
Put one half in a stripper’s g-string.
Put the other half in another stripper’s g-string.
It’ll be dark. they won’t know the difference.
So my offer of 37 cents towards a new server is still out there.
/michigan resident
Noted. P.S. Cocktail FTW tonight.
Best Idea ever
I agree. Strippers are so dumb.
finally you come around
Feisty isn’t a option. So plan B is the choice.
and is there an uglier human being than unique? yuck
Unique isnt ugly at all. Shes just black. Eww.
stfu, unique is nasty as shit.
Have you seen that college life show on MTV? To borrow a phrase from Simmons, one of the most unintentionally funny things I’ve ever seen
Black? Gross!
Fetch you are racist. Unique is cute. She is just crazy like all black women.
There is this hot chick on this show absolutely head over heels about some fat kid. What the fuck.
Anyone got a link to this Unique chick?
And tampa, you show me a hot black chick and I will absolutely tear her apart. Don’t show me a manatee and say she’s hot though.
I didn’t say shes hot I said shes cute and not ugly. Cocktail is Mexican. Ray J might need to think this over.
cocktail is not mexican. Feisty was mexican dumbass.
YOu stupid dumbass they met COcktails parents they are mexican. Does that not make her Mexican?
Mexicans smell like beans when they sweat.
She doesn’t look mexican at all. She’s not as mexican as feisty though did you hear that bitch talk?
What do jews smell like when they sweat?
Money.
money
hef by a nose.
/pun not intended
Money
I thought the same thing just wanted to hear it from the horses mouth.
Money
Money
money
Honey.
Funny
Bunny?
Larry David?
Cocktail wins. Burritos for everyone.