In a move so blindingly stupid it surprises none, Phoenix was tabbed to host the 2011 MLB All-Star game.
Reasons for having the All-Star game in Phoenix:
1. Good downtown equipped for large events.
2. Great bar scene, easy trasnportation
3. Good stadium, the last of the “new” stadiums to get the All-Star game.
4. It’s the NL’s turn.
Reasons for not having the All-Star game in Phoenix:
1. It fucking takes place in July.
2. Did you not read the first reason? It’s Phoenix…in July.
3. Stop reading these reasons, the argument should be over.
Listen, I fucking live in Phoenix and I wouldn’t go to Phoenix in July. All that stuff you hear about how great a place Phoenix is to live? None of that applies between June and early September. There is no reason to be there unless you a) are forced to be there because you live there b) are in the witness protection program* or c) are so old that you complain about feeling a draft if the temperature is lower than 90.
What follows isn’t even an imaginary conversation you could have if you come to the All-Star Game in 2011, it’s a future trasncript of a conversation you will have (guaran-fucking-teed) no matter how hard you try not to:
Person A: What time is the Home Run Derby?
Person B: Not for five or six hours.
A: You want to go golfing? There’s a ton of specials right now.
B: No shit, it’s a hundred and fifteen fucking degrees outside. Of course there’s a ton of specials.
A: At least it’s a dry heat.
B: If you make that joke again, I will shoot you in the knee. I am not fucking joking with you.
A: It’s not a joke, it really is dry here. I’ve gone through 5 bottles of moisturizer already.
B: Sinner.
So nice work All-Star game committee. I’m guessing next on the list is to have the Pro Bowl in New England or the Super Bowl in Buffalo.
*Remind me to tell you about growing up near Sammy The Bull sometime. I used to eat at his restaurant which was right up the block from my house.
+1
Party at the MLJ Beach Haus!!!!
As long as this decision doesn’t cause Kenny Mayne to cancel the celebrity softball game, I have no problems with it.
Agreed on all points. Let’s have it in Cleveland!
Cincitucky hasn’t had one. Nor do they have one scheduled. Wonder why that is.
PMS is hitting Hef pretty hard today.
How is it PMS? I think it’s stupid that PHX is getting an AS game.
Agreed…it’s fucking hot in the summer in Phoenix…maybe they should host an overnight game where it’s only 90 degrees outside.
Cincy will be hosting the WS instead. No worries.
Hef–Could you tell us a story about how you grew up near Sammy the Bull?
Sounds like a lot of complaining to me. You could just watch the game on TV in your air conditioned jew compound. Problem solved.
PHX in July? I’ll be schvitzing like nobody’s business!
/Hef
tommy boy references are timeless