Yes please.
See, there’s nothing I like more than watching some asshole get his shit kicked in. Greg Paulus is an asshole. An epic asshole. An asshole so legendary that even fans of the team he plays for avoid rooting for him like the plague.
Now, I’m not going to talk about any on-field stuff here, because we all know how that’d go…he sucked at Duke and he’ll suck at Michigan. QB is the hardest position to play because of all the mental stuff so a big layoff like Paulus has had is pretty impossible to overcome, even for a highly regarded high school recruit. Success is not an option here, especially at Michigan, where the program is the smoldering wreckage of a once nice but incredibly douche-tastic private jet.
There are two reasons I want this to happen…one selfish and one historic.
First, the selfish reason. I’m an Ohio State fan and this would be yet another embarassment to Michigan football.
See, Michigan football is a collection of twats and fags that think their shit don’t stink. Guess what, their shit stinks something fierce. It’d be one thing if the Michigan program, both players and fans, were as classy as they said they were, but they’re not. They’re a concoction of the worst aspects of fandom there can be, combining the ridiculous condescension of Pittsburgh Steeler fans with the blind, ignorant arrogance of Yankee fans while adding a dash of Red Sox Nation ass-baggery.
In short…they DESERVE Greg Paulus as their QB.
And frankly, seeing the Buckeyes beat the shit out of that little bitch would be a 4-hour treat for the senses that I think everyone could rally behind.
But the historic reason is what I’m more interested in.
Has there ever been a college player that would complete such a douche-feat as what Paulus would accomplish if he QB’d Michigan? I seriously don’t think so. This would be like Christian Laettner playing TE for Notre Dame after finishing at Duke or Tyler Hansbrough playing LB for USC. But both those guys were talented basketball players…which is why this is so intriguing.
First off…Duke is the king of the douche pile. If you even consider going to Duke, you’re a balls-deep homo, no matter what. This is science, don’t try and argue it. If you’re a decent basketball player at Duke, that’s fine…you have my respect as a player but I’d still want to watch you fall down a spiral staircase littered with broken glass. Paulus wasn’t good, so he’s pretty much worthless as a human being because of his Duke connection and the fact that he slaps the floor like a little pussy.
But if he went to Michigan? Oh my…
Now, I’m usually of the school of thought that says two things cancel each other out. I drive with my warning lights on because the left and right turn cancel each other out letting people know I’m going straight. This is just being a good citizen. So by this rationale, would the douchesplosion of playing for the douchiest college basketball team and the douchiest college football team cancel each other out?
Eh…nevermind. He’d still be a homo.
Really though, I just wanna see Michigan suck even longer. Because fuck them, that’s why.
Both my Grandfathers went to Duke, and while I would rather not think of them as balls-deep homos, FUCK DUKE
Any time there is a chance to extend the chant of “Tea Bag Paulus” that time must be seized. I doubt I could go to some NYC financial firm and yell at him.
im not sure ohio state fans will be as cordial, unfortunately. they might open fire on him…like literally.
Having some douche that enjoys being tea-bagged as a back up quarterback hardly qualifies as news. Unless Forcier and possibly Denard Robinson get injured, this butt pirate will never see the field. But we can all assume that a guy who hasn’t played football competitively for 4 years will start if that makes everyone feel better.
/Columbus is a toilet filled with AIDS
What would he study there? Honestly, to get into a college you have to have a major? If he tries to parlay this into an MBA or JD that is bullshit.
i dont get it.
Oh wait, SC just said he only has one remaining year of eligibility. Still, one free year of lawschool (and Michigan is really good) is a fucking steal.
so having two true frosh QB’s start is a much easier assumption? you realize how rare that is, right? neither of these guys are terrelle pryor, and even he shouldn’t have been a full-time starter as a true frosh.
but yea, throw forcier and denard right in there and watch them die. that’s cool.
If I’m not mistaken, both of those guys competed at a high level in High School, right? Why would Paulus start when he hasn’t played in 4 years and is a pro style qb? No way he would go out there and die. Sheridan, who has experience in RRs system is still there too. Even if Paulus goes to U of M (doubtful), there is zero chance he is the plays.
*Zero chance he plays.
/starting to feel like Maggs
this article was well written. job well done.
I don’t know. I expect more swearing when the subject is Michigan and Dook.
paris…of course those guys played in HS but there’s also a big difference between the body of a 22 year old who played a bunch of college bball and a couple of scrawny 18 year olds.
plus, RR is a fucking moron, i wouldn’t put anything past him especially considering how abortion-like sheridan is in his systme.
Sheridan is an abortion, I agree. However, you are forgetting that Paulus is built like a 12 year old girl. RR will not start this guy and then have to start over next year. Forcier will probably suck this year, but he will gain the experience and hopefully start for the rest of his college career.
No, you are.
spencer, i saw some draft preview deal and they interviewed beanie wells yesterday and that dude is a fucking freak of nature. he looked like he was wearing shoulder pads during the interview.
Vernon Gholston roids program.
Like Ghoulston, he will be ripped, yet suck arse in the pros.
doubtful…he’ll have his 3 years of productivity and then break down like they all do.
This is the best thing I’ve ever read here. Ever.
That fucker is gonna go to Michigan and Tare it up. Just wait and see.
/Nothing says date rape like Ohio State.
Tare?
/bear hands!
Duke offered Paulus a WR gig too.
I’m a Duke basketball fan but would love to see him at Michigan ’cause that means Rich Rod will suck more. I’m sure GP is a tough kid and he set all kinds of records in high school but I can’t see him succeeding on the field unless it’s a Texas Tech-type offense.