Panda Watch!: We’re Bringing it Back

Good morning, friends of excellence, and welcome to the first edition of Panda Watch in this, the 2009 MLB season.  For those of you new to the site, Panda Watch provides the type of in depth analysis of The Panda* that would make Tom Brokaw weep with delight.

It’s been a rough year for the Panda, yet somehow he not only gets ABs, he’s actually started 4 of the 8 games the Dbacks have played this year.  Until last night’s heroic walkoff single (more on that in a minute), The Panda was 1-17 and had popped it up on the infield almost half the time.  You see, there’s nothing the Panda likes more than demonstrating his raw power by hitting the ball straight up into the air as high as he can.

But let’s get into last night’s events because this is important.**  Last night, Arizona really needed a win.  They entered the game 2-5 (all home games so far this season) and everyone’s looking angry because this is not the start of the season this young team anticipated.  Game gets off to a rocky start as the Cards jump on top 3-0 in the fourth but Arizona rallies back to take a 6-4 heading into the 9th where Chad Qualls promptly blows the save.

So we go to the bottom of the 10th where a mismanaged game leaves the Snakes unable to pinch hit for Tony Pena (nice work, Melvin) who promptly bunts the ball right to the pitcher who throws out the man he’s trying to advance.  A batter later we’re at 2 outs with a man on third and the Panda coming to the plate.  Now, my first instinct here is to turn off the TV and go punch my kids.  My second instinct is to grab a beer.  I grabbed two.  I figured I’d need it.

But golly oh golly what happens?  The Panda actually hits the ball forward instead of up.  It gets down.  He actually has value.  Sort of.

Here’s my thing with clutch hitting: if you could manage a hit or two during the early innings, we wouldn’t need you to save the day at the end.  I hate the praise for Derek Jeter in this regard too.  Oh, Alex Rodriguez can’t hit a home run in the eighth and ninth innings.  Well he hits enough in the early innings that “don’t matter” to prevent the game from going to extra innings.  It’s like praising Homer Simpson when he finally saves the Power Plant from melting down even though it was his fault the meltdown started in the first place.***

So welcome back to the land of the living Panda.  May your awfulness provide us with enough material to fill our posting schedule.

Random Note: According to his player profile, the Panda is owned in more than 50% of fantasy leagues.  50%!  I want to be in those leagues.  Is money involved?

*Eric Byrnes nickname since early 2008 since he reminds us all so much of a Panda: he’s playful, often dirty, and poses no threat to anyone, especially on the field.
**Not really.  I know you don’t care.
***Topical reference there.  Who writes your analogies?  Rick Reilly?