In order to keep you up to date on the goings on of all the divisions around the league, we will be providing a weekly update on each division.
The NL East is a Topsy Turvy world of shitty teams getting a nice start, good teams starting off a bit slow and the Nationals fucking household pets for sports. So far the standings have the Braves and Marlins tied at 5-1, the Phillies at 4-3, the Mets at 3-4 and the Nats at 0-7.
Biggest Positive Surprise: I was going to pick one of three Marlins, either Emilio Bonifacio, Hanley Ramirez or Josh Johnson. Major League Baseball did the duty for me by picking Johnson as the NL Player of the Week. The dude was a fucking horse with 15 2/3 innings pitched with 2 wins and a 0.57 ERA. He had a complete game 2-1 victory over Johan Santana, who was equally as filthy, on Easter Sunday. Anyway you slice it, the Marlins had a Nice week.
Flukiest Fluke of the week: Emilio Bonifacio of the Marlins. The Marlins new 3rd baseman lit up the first week batting .500 with 1HR 5 RBI and 4 SB. My prediction is he will be batting .230 by mid-May. We will keep track of this on a weekly basis.
Biggest Negative of the Week: The entire Nationals organization. From shitty starting pitching, to Lastings Milledge incompetently manning centerfield, to an overrated shitstorm of a manager, to an abortion of a bullpen, this team is making me look terrible on many different levels. They will win a game at some point but they won’t win many. They are epic bad. At least Adam Dunn is taking a copious amount of walks for them earning his $10 million salary.
Biggest Negative Surprise: Oliver Perez. Oh wait, this isn’t a surprise. Well done Omar, good use of limited financial resources.
Hard Luck Loser of the Week: Johan Santana. In 12 2/3 innings he has a 0.71 ERA and a 1-1 record. The one loss came on Sunday against Josh Johnson. He let up no earned runs that game. Daniel Murphy dropped a ball. He still is dreamy.
Biggest Injury of the Week: Tom Glavine’s shoulder. Well, it is not so much that Glavine is hurt. He is a pile of dried up dogshit at this point. This injury could possibly mean the early arrival of Super Prospect Tommy Hanson. Jo Jo Reyes temporarily takes Glavine’s spot this week.
Biggest Loss of the Week: Harry Kalas. The Voice of the Phillies. Hall of Famer. Class Act. I got a genuine chill hearing him call the last out of the 2008 World Series. And I hated that outcome. Rest in Peace Harry.
Things to Look Forward to: The Marlins and Braves start an early First Place battle tonight with three games in Atlanta and the Fish finish the week with a Weekend set in Washington. The Braves will take on the Pirates in Pittsburgh over the weekend. The Phillies have Washington for two more games continuing tomorrow night and have San Diego in for four at home. The Mets continue their series with the Padres tomorrow night and have the Brewers in for a weekend set. I will be at Citi Field for Saturday’s day game where Johan will be on the mound. w00t!
Are the Mets the average team off to the average start?
It’s all Peter Angelos’ fault!
/Loser Nats fan
i hope the marlins team plane goes down over a mountainous region
Mets outfielding
Bonafacio better not flame out. Totally unrelated, but I just saw some a photo of Jessica Simpson that made me vomit.
glavine always has been. what a piece of shit.
Link!?
NSFW very. Dude, I should just say go to, oh well http://www.wwtdd.com/photo.phtml?post_key=22581&photo_key=93781
Rick how do you know its Jessica Simpson? Shes way fatter than that.
you gotta keep hitting previous. there are a bunch of em.
Phils executive Dave Montgomery noted about Harry’s passing, “We lost our voice”. Thanks for the kind words, Roman.
ZOMBIE! SOMEONE GRAB A SHOTGUN!
+4 and have some blow.
/Paolo
I am impervious to shotguns. But I love me some blow. Get Paolo on the horn.
good lord, what the hell is paolo smoking over there?
hef +1
tampa -2 (crystal pepsi)
rick +2
B)
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST STOP WITH THE +/- BULLSHIT.
-1 Spencer
First
/Bear Hands
In all honesty, I just read that thread and dont understand it. Is one of the Jerks ghost-writing?
Spencer, ever heard of Strawberry cough?
Spencer + Jew Star
/Old school’d
Hey Hef, even the MLB thinks Beckett is a douchcanoe
heard of the strain…haven’t tried it.
i just got some blueberry dumpster and white widow. i keep my chronic in a glass mason jar to keep curing it and it seals shut and it still stunk up my room something fierce.
+1 MLB
I’ll have a report on it later tonight.
The only time I would trust what the name of the weed I smoked was in Amsterdamn. Unless the dopeboy is your friend he will just make up some name to sell it.
+AIDS Spencer
/
oh my!
ever tried any northern lights or ak-47?
@ me?
agreed rick. i but stuff all the time and the dude will say “this is blueberry purple explosion.” i say call it what you want, as long as it does the job.
Haha, agreed ark.
depends who you know…i have a couple of quite reputable sources that i trust and have a variety.
of course if it’s some dude you’re not cool with, this logic applies.
Northern lights yes, ak-47 no.
Exactly, it got to the point where you know they are making it up. So I would buy some and take it to a party and make up a completly better name and tell them to go around asking for it. Kinda a dick move, but thats how I roll.
/
Also, Amsterdamn is overrated
What about that OG Granddaddy Kush?
See I would buy that and tell people it was called “Wagon Wheels”.
Tampa, I think I am going to look at the B real link you posted last night for hours tonight.
Shit Im going to call my boy Karl right now and see what he has.
Tampa – you watch the Road Rules Challenge?
never tried it.
I watched that shit Last week. CT wrecked Adams bitch ass. He should have killed that bitch.
rick, when did you go to amsterdam? i was there in spring ‘01 and thought it was pretty sweet. althought the techno blaring in my ear when i’m trying to smoke a big fat spliff was a little much.
Ark, Spring 2000. Felt dirty with the pissing on the streets and shit. Plus I ate two spacecakes and freaked out in the Anne Frank museum. Two days would have been enough.
rick, yeah, i went there 3 seperate times, never more than a couple days at a time though. the guys on the street trying to sell me some blow always freaked me out.