Good evening friends of excellence.  It was a lousy day in MLJ land because everyone was busy and there were only two day baseball games which means our ability to mock both Chicago and Detroit was greatly minimized.  We did learn some things today of which here are five:

• Boston has the greatest team evar and a large reason for that is its amazing bullpen.
• Justin Verlander was a worse pick than Stephen Drew.
• The AL East is the best division in baseball despite the fact that the Yankees are a part of it.
• Don’t lick a pig’s snout?  Did you know that before today?  Probably not.
• One flukey home run in a World Series (game 1!) gets you a hot wife.

So the next time anyone asks you, “Hey [insert your stupid name here], why do you spend so much time on that racist, homophobic blog that disguises itself as a baseball site?” Tell them that it’s the sole reason you don’t have hamAIDS.

Baseball on tonight: Read the rest of this entry »

Scotty Pods' wife

There are only 8 games total on the schedule for today and only 2 of them are day games, so this will be short (TWSS). As I type this:

• Texas is batting in the bottom of the 5th against Oakland in a nothing/nothing tie. Vincente Padilla has infected the entire Oakland lineup with swine flu while Dallas Braden has continued to have a really gay name. If I were attending this game in person, I would have already killed myself from boredom, so it’s a good thing for everyone that I’m not there.
• The Royals are leading the Blue Jays 6-2 in the 4th at KC. If Toronto wants to make the playoffs, they’re going to have to find a starter who isn’t Brian Burres. He’s as useless as a condom at Hef’s house.
• In other non-game action, it’s being reported that the Chicago White Sox will call up outfielder Scott Podsednik from AAA Charlotte on Friday, according to Podsednik’s agent Ryan Gleichowski. “He’s thrilled,” said Gleichowski. “He’s in great shape, feels great, and is really looking forward to this opportunity.” In possibly related news, former White Sox fan 1 Happy St has been seen around town sporting a Zach Greinke jersey. “[The White Sox] provided me with a lot of fun back in the summer of 2005 and for that I’m forever grateful,” said Happy St. “But Scott Fucking Podsednik? Again with that bullshit? I mean come on. Well at least I’ll get to see his wife again. He’s married to Lisa Dergan; she’s in that picture over there on the right.”

I've always wanted to be the Stanley Cup. Never moreso than I do now.

After clown posted the schedule for the second round of the playoffs (sweet graphics, clown) I figured I would pop on and opine about round 2 and offer some musings on round 1.

If you had any doubts about the NHL, like I did, Round 1 completely cured those feelings. Sure some series were bored (i.e. Detroit-Columbus and Boston-Montreal) but most of them were fantastic. Just Tuesday night we had two incredible Game 7s, as the Capitals beat the Rangers 2-1 and the Hurricanes (who should still be in Hartford) scored two goals in the final 80 seconds to beat Marty Brodeur and the Devils.

Next round of the playoffs should have a couple snoozers (Wings over Ducks in 4, mayyybe 5 and Bruins over Canes in 5) but it also features the Penguins and Capitals squaring off. Get ready to hear about that 85,000 times between now and the end of the series. 3 of the top 5 players in the world go at it all in the same series, but the series far from hinges on just Crosby vs. Ovechkin. True, Ovechkin pulled a couple disappearing acts in round 1, but you have to believe he’ll be back, and if there’s one thing Crosby has shown while he’s been in the NHL it’s that when the stakes get higher, he plays better.

But, more important will be Jordan Staal. Staal had  a rough first round series offensively (0-1–1) but did play extremely well defensively, which is all the Penguins should be asking of him. Another key is Donald Brashear being suspended for the first 5 games of the series. He usually plays pretty well against the Pens so that is huge for them. And, Pittsburgh will have the goaltending edge, especially if the good version of Marc Andre Fleury shows up. In short, I see a very good series, and a very offensive series, and it’s anyone’s guess as to who will win.

After the jump, we’ll hand out some round 1 awards Read the rest of this entry »

[insert funny opener here]

The Rays: Terrible Tampa lost 2 of 3 to Oakland and did the same to Minnesota over the week. Last year’s team may just be the flukiest fluke job than the 2007 New Jersey Giants of the National Football League. They host a 4 game set with Boston this weekend, so let’s hope they choose now to get back on track.

The Orioles: Baltimore dropped 3 of 4 to the Rangers and 2 straight to the Angels. They host have 3 with at Toronto this weekend and will be Toronto’s first opponent from the AL East this season. Let’s hope that the O’s can do something useful and bring Toronto back to Earth.

The Yankees: Although decimated by injuries, the Yankees fought valiantly against the Racists from Beantown (no actual beaners, please). However, they still managed to play down to their competition and were swept. What’s the perfect prescription if you are in a swoon? Go play Detroit! The good guys took 2 of 3 from the methnards behind two stellar pitching performances from young phenoms Philthy Hughes and Joba “Mr. Loverman” Ranks.

The Blue Jays: Toronto continued their strong start taking 2 of 3 from the dreadful ChiSox, yet have lost 2 of 3 to the first place Royals. They’ll conclude their 4 game set today in Kansas City. I don’t know much about the Jays. Um, Roy Halladay is pretty good. So, um, yeah.

The Red Sox: As stated above, the evil, lesser franchise swept the Yankees and took 2 of 3 from Cleveland. Goddamn Tribe. Only 1 Red Sox starter has earned a win in the past week. Now I’m not much of a stat guy, but I don’t think that’s a good thing. From the department of interesting facts: Boston has no African-Americans on their roster.

[insert clever conclusion here]

Nothing To Click Here is the collective effort of the entire MLJ staff. These are just some of the things we come across in our daily reading. The links contained within are either extremely well-written, thought-provoking, funny, weird or simply awesome. If you have any suggestions please send them here.

Heidi Watney interviews her breasts.  (Obsessed with Sports)

Curtis Granderson likes Kauffman Stadium. (Big League Stew)

Great flip-floppers in history. (Esquire)

Madden asked Collinsworth to replace him.  (Awful Announcing)

If you haven’t seen the footage of the Dwight Howard foul that got him suspended, well here it is.  (NESW Sports)

The Dodgers are stocking up on hand sanitizer to prevent hamAIDS.  (Walkoff Walk)

It must suck to be a Bengals fan. (Who Dey Revolution)

The never say die Sawx. (Gross) (Josh Q. Public)

Don’t worry everyone, Tiger isn’t firing Hank Haney…but he should. (CBS Sports)

Daryl Strawberry says he did 3 chicks at the same time (Sports Radio Interviews).

Speaking of assholes who aren’t good at their jobs and should be fired…OSU OL/OC Jim Bollman. (Eleven Warriors)

The MLJ Video of the Day features NickP and three of his friends fighting crime around Cincinnati.  He’s so brave!  [swoons]

After the jump, Clown was able to find the cause of hamAIDS! Read the rest of this entry »

To kick off our 2009 draft coverage in earnest here at MLB, it’s time to review the 2004 draft. Last year we graded the 2003 draft, and I was needled a bit for saying that Nick Markakis would end up being the best pick of that draft. I stand by it though. The only thing certain about the 2004 draft is that the #1 pick won’t be the best player in the draft, as his career is pretty much over. The theme of the 2004 draft was pitching. Specifically college pitching. 6 of the top 10 picks were college pitchers, and 3 of them went to Rice and were part of one of the greatest trios in college baseball history. It is incredible that they didn’t win the 2004 national title, although they did win it in 2003. Just taking a quick look, I have no idea who the best player of this draft is. I don’t think anyone has fulfilled their potential, but there are a few canditates. A pick by pick review after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Yesterday we tried something experimental, looking at teams that live or die by the home run (something we’ll return to later in the year).  Today we’ve got a good old standby to play with: bullpen ERA.  Yes, there’s nothing worse than having a starter, your golden boy, go out there and shut down the opposition for seven or eight innings only to have the bullpen ruin all of his work by giving up run after run after run.  Today, we’ll look at the 5 best and worst bullpens in the league right now.  The best can brag, the worst can sulk and swear at each other.

Let’s start with the best:

1. Red Sox: 2.39
2. A’s: 2.64
3. Mariners: 2.93
4. Mets: 3.05
5. Blue Jays: 3.28

Two names on here surprise the hell out of me and they’re probably the same two names you’re looking at.  First of all, congratulations are in order to for the Mets for turning last year’s horrid bullpen related season around.  Now if only they could learn how to hit they might actually win a few games.  The other name is the A’s.  Wow, having a great bullpen but never getting to use it in a lead is like having a 12 inch dong while being fat, smelly, and poor.  What a waste.

And look at that beautiful name at the top of the list.  Sure Papelbon’s a douche, but goddamn is he good at baseball.

And now [drumroll] let’s look at the sad sacks.  The losers.  The reason that most fans are angry with their teams: Read the rest of this entry »

Good Morning Jerks and wannabe Jerks. What a fine morning this is. It’s late April. The weather’s warmer. The smell of fresh cut grass (or sand in Hef’s desert wonderland) wafts through the air. Children are outside playing. Women are wearing a little less clothing, showing off the fake tans they have been working on all winter in the tanning bed. The Mets are crushing everyone’s hopes and dreams in a truly passionless, methodical fashion. What I am trying to say is what’s old is what’s new. What is born is simply reborn and other such shitty ways of saying, “my life blows, but I should expect this because I am a Met fan.”

David Wright is pitiful. Truly, I have never seen anything like it. The guy is striking out on a pace that would double his career average of 115. That’s right he is on pace to strikeout about 230 times this year. If he was driving in runs the  times he is not staring at strike three that would be one thing. He has 7 RBIs this year. Three on one Home Run. He is killing this team. Jose Reyes is streaky at best. He goes 7-10 or 0-10. There is no consistency. Fernando Tatis has been an upgrade over Carlos Delgado at 1st this week. This is not my usual delusional ramblings about Tatis. This is a fucking fact. Delgado hurt himself sliding into 3rd on a triple (Shitty Field has gotten triples out of Delgado, Sheffield and Daniel Murphy. Let’s just say it is a big ballpark). Not that hurting himself mattered, he wasn’t moving two feet to the left or right to get a ground ball and he wasn’t hitting. So fuck him. I mean the guy was called TWICE for pulling his foot of the bag too soon on a force out this year. I don’t think I have seen that from a 1B twice in my life before this year.

The starting pitching, besides the greatest pitcher in all of baseball, has been one giant drippy vagina. The bullpen is so overused that is beginning to show. Sean Green came with instructions. He is very effective if not overused. Jerry Manuel is looking to drive this man’s right arm into the ground. James Andrews better be on speed dial. Knowing the Mets they would wait a month too late to get the MRI anyway. Speaking of Jerry Manuel, way to lose the confidence of a player, a team and a fan base all in one day. I mean, you have the bases loaded bottom 9. You have Ramon Castro, whose sole function is “hitting catcher” coming up. You pull him back to get Omir Santos out of the bullpen and down to pinch hit for him. What the fuck has Omir Santos ever done? Hit a Grand Slam in the third inning the other night? Ramon Castro has had huge hits for this team over 4 years. His glove is terrible and he is not a good catcher but he can hit. Hell, he had two hits in the game. Jerry, you fucked this up. You wanted Santos to get the hit so Omar would eat the $2.5 million on Castro and keep Santos on the big club. You said you had a hunch. Fuck your hunch. If Castro bats and gets out, no one questions you. You now have a $2.5 million player who is no longer your guy. You have your team questioning your faith. You have fans ready to hang you. Even Willie Randolph is not that fucking stupid. I didn’t second guess your move either. I first guessed this motherfucker as you waited 5 minutes for Santos to arrive from the bullpen. Cocksucker.

I hate my team, but I won’t worry about that today. I live with the knowledge that they won’t ruin my evening. They can’t lose. It helps that they are off to accomplish this.  Well, now that I got that out of my system (not really) here is what happened last night: Read the rest of this entry »

The Milwaukee Brewers won on getaway day in Milwaukee 1-0 over the Shittsburgh Pirates.  The previously hot Pirates were swept in Milwaukee over the past 3 days.  Today, Yovani Gallardo was the boss.  He pitched 8 innings and only gave up 2 hits while striking out 11.  He accounted for the only run of the game with a solo yack.

The Cubs are down 4-0 to the D-Backs as we type this, and the Rockies are up 3-0 over the Padres.  The Cubs losing and the Brewers victory combined with the Reeses Klondike bar I downed earlier make this a pretty damn good day.  Now that I think, I had some Doritos for lunch and saw a kid steal some shit, get chased down by undercover police and was cut off by a cop car of which he flew up on the hood.  It was totally sweet.  This day really is great, possibly the greatest ever in my 24+ years.  A Heat victory tonight seems eminent, no?

Heat @ Hawks: Series tied at 2 games each.  I’m hoping the Heat win and they seal in game 6 in my presence.

Hornets @ Nuggets: Denver leads series 3-1.  It should be interesting to see how a team rebounds from a 58 point loss at home.  I’m guessing this doesn’t end well for the Hornets.

As always, check the scoreboard at the right for tonight’s baseball matchups.  Now, complete with probably pitchers.

It’s Wednesday, getway day for a lot of clubs, which means there’s a lot of day baseball to talk about.

• Baltimore has 1-0 lead on the struggling Angels.  They’ve had injuries and…other issues to deal with but this division is still wide open in my book.  Yes, the Mariners have good pitching but I’m sure they’ll revert to the mean eventually.
• The White Sox and Mariners start in the next five minutes and it’s their third game within a 24 hour span.  They played a double header last night starting at 5pm so I’m curious if fatigue will be an issue.  I’ll set the over/under for combined errors at 5.
• In the NL, the Marlins have a 2-1 lead in New York as the Marlins are trying to get another winning streak going.  The Mets, on the other hand, are just trying not to be laughed at anymore.  Good luck with that.
• The Rockies and the Padres play the final game of their set in an hour as Aaron Cook continues to piss me off.  Maybe you can stop making me look like an asshole for once, hey Aaron?
• And the Cubs and Dbacks play the rubber match of their series.  The Cubs haven’t won a series in PHX in a few years which is odd because it’s Chicago West out here with all the Cubs fans lurking around.  Dempster faces Davis.