MLJ Jerk Of The Month: February

The Big Lead’s interview series has nothing on the Jerk of The Month. This month we have the one, the only, Tampa Bo. TB burst onto the commenting scene much in the same way the Tampa Bay Rays burst onto the major league baseball scene last year. Tampa is much funnier though. He’s also a White Sox and Bears fan, which is a problem, but unlike every White Sox and/or Bears fan I’ve met he’s not a total waste of life, so he’s got that going for him.

Oh, and I know it’s March. I know it’s the 2nd week of March. But I was busy, so deal.

1. First off Tampa, how did you find your way to our little slice of paradise?

I was just chillin at TBL and this asshole was talkin about how Michigan sucks (guess who) and that didn’t set right. [ed. that could have been like 50 people.] Clicked on his bitch ass link and bam I entered some shithole site but it wasn’t about the site it was about the people. People who thought like me. People who think rape jokes and race jokes are funny. And it’s all good because there is a Jew, a Mexican, an Italian guy and a lot of other races that aren’t as funny. Then I met the infamous RexKramerDangerSeeker who wrote a piece about going to a Browns game with a Brady Quinn jersey and comparing it to “White Like Me.” I originially thought you guys were a bunch of talentless pillow biters. But then I learned there is a madness behind these abstract literary pieces and I was fascinated. My favorite piece is the one Spencer wrote about the White Sox. Fucking gold. Although it was filled with hate for my favorite team I found it very amusing because the Indians suck.

2. You’re a Bears fan. Do you think Kyle Orton is the guy or do they need to draft a QB? And since this is a weak year for QBs do they maybe wait a bit in the draft, or wait until next year when you can take Bradford or McCoy?

First, go fuck yourself. This question is implying that we aren’t going to do shit next year. I have mixed feelings about Orton. The guy was fucking incredible at the beginning and then got hurt and never recovered. I think we need to trade him. I mean if you can trade Sage Rosenfels (good luck with that) why the fuck can’t we get a first rounder for Orton? But I can’t think about some shit that won’t happen. We’re stuck with him but he’s not horrible so I have to be optimistic.

3. The Vikings were reportedly looking to trade for Jay Cutler and sign TJ Houshdhsfaffa. Your thoughts? (Note: This was asked the day before Houshmanzadeh signed with the Seahawks)

You sent me this yesterday and it turns out Housahssdadgae is a Seahawk and Cutler has diabetes. Do you really want someone who could die at any moment on your team? Do you want that blood on your hands?

4. The White Sox suck. Just thought I’d say that.

You’re right, the White Sox are totally gay and the Twins are awesome. (Ed. Note: That may or may not have been his actual quote)

5. I will say, though, that you and Happy have placed White Sox fans behind Cubs fans in terms of being absolutely retarded and not knowing anything about baseball so congrats. How do you rate their offseason and what do you see in store for them this year?

Fetch that is a lie the Cubs fans suck balls and is the biggest bandwagon fan base ever assembled. Trust me they are all ignorant and retarded. I like that Kenny and Ozzie decided to cut the dead weight and are giving the young guys a chance. Javier Vasquez and Orlando Cabrera are complete pieces of shit and should be castrated with coat hangers. Joe Crede is a brokeback bitch (good luck with him). I liked him but he was always hurt. Didn’t like the Nick Swisher move. As I look at the division as a whole it is pretty strong. I’m going to be completely unbiased and give you my honest prediction: 1. White Sox 2. Detroit 3. Minnesota 4. Kansas City -1000 and AIDS. Cleveland

6. Since the college hoops season is winding down, give us your final four and champion.

I hate this question case it’s all about matchups. But I’m going to take a shot at it: Louisville, UNC, UConn and Oklahoma. I’m picking Louisville to win the whole deal.

7. Last but not least, we’ll give you a chance to play ombudswoman since she’s a lazy bitch who only writes once a month.

I think CRM and Hef should be fired for being gay and more Rex photoshop. That is all.

Quickies:

Favorite Food: Giordano’s Pizza

All-Time Favorite Sports Moment: The fight in Detroit. Stephen Jackson beat that ass.

Favorite Place On Earth: Atlanta. What can I say, I like inexpensive multiracial strip clubs

Country with the weirdest name: Zimbabwe

Hottest woman on Earth: First it was Eva Longoria but then he switched it to Jamie Lynn Siegler

Favorite Album: Rage Against the Machine – Evil Empire

Since you love that Ray J Show, who’s the hottest girl on there? Feisty [Ed. note: Cocktail is hotter]