Jose Tabata, the 20 year old Pirates prospect whose wife stole a baby last week has a whole list of things he didn’t know about, including (but not limited to):
- The fact that his wife served 2 years, 9 months in prison for arson.
- That she had been previously arrested for theft and fraud.
- That she wasn’t pregnant at the time of the baby theft even though she claimed to be.
- The baby she claimed was hers (and apparently his) was a stolen baby.
Well, it looks like we got to the bottom of the mystery of the 20-year old prospect and the crazy 43-year old wife. Looks like she tricked him with the most obvious of all female trickeries: I’m pregnant and it’s yours.
…the worst lie was that she completely falsified her pregnancy and the eventual birth of a baby girl, which would have made me a father for the first time. Imagine how that made me feel.”
Dude, as a father of two with another on the way, let me say in no uncertain terms: today is the best day of the rest of your life. Not only are you not a father, but you’re not a father with a crazy mother. And you’re not a 20-year old father. How is this hard to understand? You are free. Free! You don’t have any kids to take care of. And you don’t have to split time caring for those kids with a fucking crazy 43-year old. I’m imagining how you should feel. And if you don’t feel this way, then you are too stupid to realize how lucky you are.
Now don’t get me wrong. I kinda like my kids a little bit. Sometimes they do neat stuff that makes me laugh. Like one time, the little one–HeJew II–he fell down while carrying a cupcake and bam, right in the face. Icing everywhere. He started crying and it was hilarious. I still laugh when I think about that. So yeah, there are some upsides to having kids. But the downsides of kids totally outweigh the good sides. Again, Jose, if you don’t realize how lucky you are, then you deserve to be married to a psycho who’s twice your age.
Hef: Advice for Fathers since 2009.
To be fair, Tabata is probably at least 26 by now.
Kids falling down is the funniest thing since old people falling down.
Kids are great if you hate having free time and don’t enjoy hanging out with your friends.
I thank my parents for having my little brothers when I was 14. I got to see first hand and actually appreciate how much work kids are.
No they’re not.
I bet she does a mean rusty Trombone. That is the only reason he is with this woman. Right?
Tampa: she sounds like a giver.
I probably need to do a background check on my girlfriend.
+1