The first time I used anabolic steroids was about 18 months ago. Don’t get me wrong, prior to that time I had taken Andro and Mass Tabs when those products were legal.
Ever since I graduated high school I have worked out pretty regularly. I never really made any huge muscular gains but my physique did change over the course of my twenties. The following is what it is like to use steroids.
Before my first cycle I was 6 ‘1” 205. This dude at my gym, a total meatball midget, offered me some stuff. To be honest I had no clue what I was buying or even how to use it. He met me in a van and gave me a vile of something called “The Tri”. This vile had a California address on it, but when I looked it up on line the company didn’t exist. When I googled it’s actual chemical makeup I realized I hit the mother lode: this shit was legit and it was made in China. Those Chinese know to cheat so I figured I was good to go. Anyways, the meatball midget told me to get some 1 ½ inch, 20 gauge needles. He forgot to tell me that you either need a prescription or buy them online because THEY ARE FUCKING HUGE. I called Rite-Aid and asked if they had the needles, to which they replied they did. So I then sent my fiancé in to get them and they laughed her out of the place because she couldn’t give a reason as to why she needed such a big needle.
Our next stop was Wal-Mart where I bought 10 insulin needles, which were nowhere near what the midget told me to get. I hate needles but for some reason I felt a rush of excitement when my fiancé stuck me that first time in the ass (no dick jokes, please). I hit the gym like a maniac: running in the morning, eating right, and heavy lifting at night. I took in over 4,000 calories a day. This first cycle was one CC a week for 6 weeks. The midget told me to start out slow for the first cycle; HOWEVER, he didn’t tell me till week 3 that I needed an estrogen blocker (so you don’t get bitch tits) and milk thistle (maintain “normal” liver enzyme levels). I disregarded his advice and finished my cycle.
By the end of my first cycle I had gotten up to 220. I was repping 225 on the bench, but the thing was, it didn’t really appear obvious to anyone. I wore sweatshirts at the gym and usually kept to myself. I wasn’t Latimer; I just worked out hard and ate right.
The first cycle did not produce any negative physical side-effects: no zits, no hair loss, no bitch tits, just some extra muscle and strength. The main side-effect was depression. I felt lethargic, would take days off from the gym, was distant and always tired. Before long I was back down to 205 and my strength had decreased.
8 weeks later I decided to call the midget again, this time with the intent of getting my Bonds’ on (he’s still the best player to ever play). I ordered two vials of “Tri” and 1 vial of “Tren”. This time I was going to shoot as much into my body as possible. This time I was going to do it right. I ordered the horse needles from a veterinarian website, I “pyramided” the “Tri” and took ½ a CC of “Tren” every other day. Thus, I had a needle in my ass every other day. Running 3 miles in the morning, lifting at night, eating a shit ton of chicken and tuna. I ate so much protein that sometimes my fiancé would make me sleep on the couch because my farts smelled so terrible. You know those frozen bags of chicken you get at Costco/Wal-Mart/Kroger? I would eat two of those a week plus at least 10 cans of tuna and a steak.
I put in work like some brand new panties under Halle Berry’s mini-skirt. By week three I was injecting 4 CCs a week. The major drawback? Money. I had to buy an estrogen blocker. I had to buy Milk Thistle. I bought so much protein it was disgusting.
Before long I ballooned up to 235 pounds. People at the gym could notice, but I didn’t care. What people don’t really talk about when it comes to steroids is that it seems to improve all your senses. I felt tremendous, confident and alert. I am always an aggressive jerk so that didn’t change. No Piazza backne.
I wasn’t addicted to the substance, I was addicted to the results, so I called the midget up and was going big time. This time I had to give him the cash up front. I found this very odd. After a couple days and no roids I did some investigating. That fucking midget went to prison the day after I gave him $300. That likely bought him a nice TV in the joint plus a years’ worth of Ramen Noodles. FYI, Karl E, you are a fucking bitch and I know where your grandparents live. After 8 long weeks I stopped, not out of choice, but out of lack of supply.
This is the part where I tell you steroids simply are not worth it. I ceased taking the estrogen blocker thus resulting in a decrease of testosterone and a rapid increase in estrogen. Essentially it threw my mental state into disarray. I had no physical side effects (aside from the fact that my clothes no longer fit). The main drawback was mental. Serious depression. I consider myself a manly guy and this just sucked. I went to the shrink and told her what I did and she looked at me like I was an idiot. I wasn’t able to take some kinds of medicine because I am a recovering alcoholic, but I was given an anti-depressant (which I am now no longer taking).
Remember how I told you I did not exhibit any physical side effects? I lied. I went to the doctor about 2 months ago for some blood work. I have elevated liver enzymes. I can only thank God that I wasn’t drinking while I was taking that shit or I could be a young man on the waiting list for a new liver.
Currently I weigh a healthy 210 and look good as a muthaphucka. I mainly do cardio, push-ups, sit-ups and pull-ups. I lift 3 times a week. If you take anything from this, just know that 90% of success in weight-training/weight-loss is DIET.
One last note: a month ago this high school kid at my gym had some kind of heart failure. He most likely hit a vein while injecting. Sad.
Despite my experience I still believe that if athletes want to use steroids they should be allowed. My friend in my drug days would always say “Buy a ticket, take the ride.” Spare me the level playing field shit for another day.
Sign me up!
+million
GREAT post, rick.
Also, that picture is going to make me vomit.
My body hurts when I read stuff like this. It joins the list of stories that I have trouble reading due to sympathy pains along with anything on bulimia and skateboarders breaking their arm during a fall.
I thought the Total Gym was the weight-training/weight loss solution.
What if, instead of maintaining a strict diet, I eat whatever I want AND don’t exercise as much as I should?
PAIN
crazy stuff. good story. thanks for sharing
Thanks guys. Hef – “used” steroids”
Hef needs used steroids? I hope they’re a lot cheaper than new steroids.
Rick, nice write up. Come over to my site a week from today. My post is going to involve a lot more needles.
My mom used to shoot me with Testosterone in High School. I don’t think I could handle ‘roids though I would most certainly kill myself.
Are you writing about quilting/knitting? Sign me up!
/
Hef
She thought your bitch-ass was acting like a little fairy?
Bob Sagat used to shoot me with heroin
Clown my mom wanted me to dominate. I was a fucking warrior on the football field. She also got me a script for Adderall. I was a beast.
+1
And that first pic is utterly disgusting…why the fuck would someone do that?
it’s photoshopped. that’s the german bodybuilder, marcus ruhl...he’s one of the freakier bodybuilders, but not THAT freaky.
here’s a funny vid of him at the grocery store.
Well that’s a damn good photoshop…I wouldn’t put it past people going far enough to look that disgusting…the real pic is a little better, but still nasty…vid link is wrong, but I can’t watch it anyway.
sorry…here’s the real video. it’s kinda funny seeing the people react in horror when they see him and his beastly wife.
best part is when he smokes cigs at the end…bodybuilding is supposed to be about a healthy lifestyle, yet these guys put ridiculous amounts of drugs in their system and routinely use cocaine, weed and tobacco to curb appetite when cutting weight. yea, REAL healthy.
god damnit…HERE’S the vid.
This explains why Rick was gonna go all Roid Ragin’ on TBL in Toledo a few weeks ago.
first day, Spence?
No surprise he was at a Wal-Mart.
Triston – he challenged me to the fight
my cousin is entering some bodybuilding competition in April. He sent me his diet (1.5 lbs of beef a day, tons of chicken, 18 egg whites, 2 full eggs, shitloads of protein, etc.). he’s doing it clean, thus will probably be way smaller than the other competitors. i love him like a brother, but he’s a sissy and has no social skills whatsoever which explains the need to get huge.
I know he did Rick. I’m just giving you shit.
oh, excellent post rick.
I know Triston.
Thanks Stigs. RE: your cousin. Thats the reason I cut down the gym time, most bodybuilders have absolutely no social skills. I just wanted to look good
he’s insecure about some things. his social skills consist of talking about lifting and dieting. unfortunately, i can’t make the show in April but i think some of our friends might tailgate it and send me some photos. should be hilarious.
I’m late, as usual, but what’s this about a TBL/Rick throwdown?
Hawkeye-I was copied on a string of e-mails from rick to TBL. It was insanity.
awesome post. and what is this i hear about a tbl-rick fight? details?
Rick..well done