NCAA MIDWESTEvery year around this time, we are forced to hear other people’s opinions on how they think the process should change for which teams get selected to the NCAA tournament. Well allow me:

Dear Other People,

We don’t give a fuck about your opinion. You’re a jackass. Nothing you have said has ever been smart, and nothing you will say in the future will be either. Do yourself a favor and stop talking. About anything. Don’t talk about sports, don’t talk about women, don’t talk about the stock market, and please don’t try to be funny. You don’t know shit about sports, women hate you, you’re poor, and people are laughing at you but it’s not because you’re funny.

With Love,
Happy

Now that I’ve got that public service out of the way (you can thank me in the comments), I’d like to give you my opinion on what they should do with the selection process for the NCAA tournament.

Step 1: Don’t change a fucking thing.
Step 2: Profit

If they follow those simple steps, the tournament will succeed. Now some people might say, “but Happy, how is it fair that the top 65 teams don’t make the tournament?” To which I would reply, “you fucking moron, who cares?” To which some people might reply back, “I do”. And then I’ll punch them in the face.

Seriously, who cares? Okay let’s think about this. At the very least, the top 35 are probably in, which leaves 30 spots to fill. Out of those 30, let’s say that 15 of them will have a top 65 RPI. Excuse me for a second while I bust out a notepad and pencil…

Carry the 1…

Okay that makes 50 of the top 65 schools that will be in this son of a bitch, not to mention the top 35 guaranteed. So what are we really complaining about? Of course there will always be a school from a big conference that went 24-10 or something that’s going to get left off. But you know what? Fuck that school. They should have gone 25-9. If the choice is between a 24-10 school from the SEC with a creampuff conference schedule (see what I did there? It’s creampuff because they play in the SEC. Wocka wocka wocka) and a 10-25 school with a name I’ve never heard of that won their conference tournament on a Tuesday night and then celebrated at mid-court like they just won the lotto, I’m picking the 10-25 school every time.

We’re living in a time where the democrats are dominating Washington and our President is friggin’ Hawaiian. And people are still suggesting that we should piss on the little guy who may not deserve to be there? Hell no. We have to stand up for the little guy who may not deserve to be there. Call me crazy? No, call me American.

ED: The opinions, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this publication are those of Happy and do not necessarily reflect the views of Major League Jerk or Major League Jerk Enterprises. Wait, are we an enterprise or an Inc? I’m going enterprise. Also, that last paragraph may be a bit tongue-in-cheek.

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