Sorry for the short and sweet closeout today- I’m away from a desk and I’m unable to see the tv listings. I think the pistons are at the cavs and Baylor plays tonight, too. If you have any other suggestions, leave it in the comments. Don’t forget to hug and kiss your loved ones and tell them you love them. Whatever you do, DO NOT get engaged (/the more you know’d)!

Oh yeah, today was the greatest day since the Lord invented the banana.

Jon Garland signed a 1 year, $6.25 million deal this offseason with the Arizona Diamondbacks that includes a mutual option for 2010. There’s a minimal buyout if either party wants to back out after 2009, but essentially he was given 1 year guaranteed. I wonder if Garland has any thoughts on why he wasn’t able to get a longer deal, perhaps in the 4 year $50 million range that the Cubs were handing out like candy a couple off-seasons ago. Let’s check in with the Arizona Republic: Mr. Garland, were you surprised [at the lack of offers]?

“I really was. I’m not going to say my true feelings about some of the stuff that went on, because I definitely feel there were some things going on. But it definitely wasn’t the funnest year to be a free agent, I can tell you that.”

Grammar aside, that’s an interesting quote, no? Is he hinting at some sort of collusion amongst the owners? What “things” went on exactly? Hey Jon, did you happen to notice that only the Yankees seemed to have any money to spend last winter? I wasn’t seeing too many teams willing to shell out huge deals to guys who had a 6.58 ERA in their last 14 starts with a piss-poor K-rate. Could those have been the reasons that nobody wanted to give you any money? In years past, you were at least serviceable. Perhaps you can tell me why you picked your fucking contract year to completely suck balls. Read the rest of this entry »

The long awaited Sports Illustrated Baseball Preview is upon us and every year I breathlessly wait for their post season predictions. So, as the news breaker I am, here they are in all of their glory.

ALDS: Yankees over Twins; Angels over Red Sox

ALCS: Angels over Yankees

NLDS: Cubs over Phillies; Mets over Dodgers

NLCS: Mets over Cubs

And your World Champions are the NEW YORK METS!!!! Read the rest of this entry »

We’ve reached the Elite Eight of the best bracket tournament ever introduced to the Internet if you only poll people that come to this site on a daily basis and don’t count people who don’t get it or think it’s dumb.

In My Mom’s Basement, Twenty-two continued its run of upsets by beating Twenty and will be going up against Seven to see who makes it to the Final Four. I can’t wait. 

In Your Mom’s Basement, Twenty-three will face off against Three in a “1 versus 2″ matchup for the ages. Three hasn’t really been challenged so far in the tournament, but they will be this time. They’ll need to up their intensity against a much tougher Twenty-three. Otherwise, they’ll be going home. Then again, they’re practically guaranteed to be a lottery pick after this is over. Oy.

In other tourney news, Twenty-one will look to continue its dominance in Your Dad’s Basement against upstart Fourteen, while Twenty-four and Twenty-five will lock horns Somewhere in Mexico.

Keep those votes coming, Folks. And may the best number win.

It’s been approximately 24 hours since we gave you a forum to post your team predictions for 2009 that you’ll no doubt get wrong. Today we’re giving you a forum to post your individual award predictions that you’ll no doubt get wrong. After the jump, you’ll see each Jerk’s choices for MVP, Cy Young, and ROY. I asked for Gold Gloves but was told to stop being gay. Then I asked for Managers of the Year but was told to go fuck myself. Then there was a knock at my door from a hired goon who told me that if I didn’t stop with all the bullshit, someone else like Stigs would get to do the inane individual awards post. After all it was his idea in the first place (inside joke’d). I didn’t want to give it up though because there’s a good chance that this will go down as the greatest post in history, so I agreed; we’re only choosing MVP’s, Cy’s, and ROY’s.

Onto the picks:

Read the rest of this entry »

Gary Sheffield, friend of the common man and all around good citizen, was cut by the Detroit Tigers today in a move that has many people laughing like crazed hyenas. 

The slugger, still owed $14 million by the team, is only one home run shy of 500, which is easy to do when your body is consistently filled with foreign substances.*

The move was a result of a trade for former Braves outfielder Josh Anderson which pushed the 40 year old Sheffield and his .178 batting average to the bench.  Anderson has a total of 203 career ABs, making the move an extra sick burn on the part of the Tigers.

This move came as no surprise to some baseball analysts as the Tigers, when not busy irritating Catholics, spend like drunken whores on overpriced players who do little more than drive down team morale.  Said one fan, “Shut up, Hef, you twat.  Now is not a good time.  It’s just not a good time to talk about the Tigers, okay?  Is that okay with you?”

Sheffield was not available for comment.

*Not a Roberto Alomar reference

Nothing To Click Here is the collective effort of the entire MLJ staff. These are just some of the things we come across in our daily reading. The links contained within are either extremely well-written, thought-provoking, funny, weird or simply awesome. If you have any suggestions please send them here.

I think we have a new website to hate.  This one is of a whiny bitch who takes pictures of people who sit in the disability seat on the train while he/she stands in crutches.  Whaaaa!  (Stupid Dude)

Who knows what ECAC Hockey is? Anyone? (TCHB)

Some funny baseball-related photoshops. (More Hardball)

Michigan State/UConn Preview.  (Midwest Sports)

Al Horford on Billy Donovan and other stuff.  (Sports Radio Interviews)

Someone buy Fetch all these T-shirts

So…Kentucky for Cal.  We all knew that right?  (Josh Q. Public)

Will Ohman is confusing.  (Mondesi’s House)

A brilliant man provides brilliant analysis (Sparty and Friends)

Uh…okay, wow.  Apparently this is how you donate sperm in China.  (Totally NSFW)

Apparently it’s commercial week at MLJ.  The video of the day: Padma Lakshmi eats a burger.  God, I could watch that all day.

After the jump, what is that bear doing to that young boy? Read the rest of this entry »

First, a little background…I tried like hell to find a video of the post-game interview after Louisville’s women’s team beat Maryland’s to go to the chick’s Final Four, but I couldn’t.  Then I tried to find quotes, even going so far as to scour a fucking WNBA message board for something…bubkus.  So, really, I hope you saw highlights on SportsCenter this morning because that’s what I’m going off of.

Now, Kara Lawson was a big women’s hoops star (literally and figuratively…HIGH FIVE!) and is doing some analysis for the women’s hoops tourney.  That’s fantastic, and I’ve seen some clips and she’s actually pretty good behind the camera and probably would do a solid job covering some NBA stuff if ESPN chose to go that route.  So, apparently, from what I’ve gathered, Ms. Lawson did not pick the third seeded Louisville Cardinals to advance to the Final Four…pretty tame, right?

Not according to Louisville’s Angel McCoughtry who, after the win, decided to rip into Lawson in particular and go on a tear filled rant that spilled into her formal press conference.  The phrase, “nobody believed in us,” must have been echoed 100 times, and Ms. McCoughtry was making it abundantly clear that “NOBODY” thought they stood a chance and “EVERYONE” was against them.

Um…take a look at that picture again.  The listed attendance FOR AN ELITE 8 GAME was 2,659 hosted at a site easily within driving distance of both schools. Read the rest of this entry »

Bud Selig announced yesterday that he is creating a committee to study why Oakland is having a hard time getting a measure passed to have a new stadium built.  And I’d like to say right here and right now that Bud Selig is a hero that deserves to be talked about in the same breath as that one pilot who crashed into a bird.  I mean, what the fuck Oakland?  You’ve lived with a team that has refused to spend money for this long, how dare you deny them a stadium that they won’t fill with players who can win a championship?  How dare you say no to an owner who says no to keeping talented free agents?  How dare you indeed?

Bud Selig is tired of the greediness of a vocal few and he won’t stand for it.  This committee of his is going to get answers and they’re going to get them now, goddammit.

I love how this is a mystery to Selig.  How there’s this whole cloud of suspicion floating in the air.  “I tell ya, this don’t make no sense, no sense at all.  We’ve got this baseball team, see.  And they obviously need a stadium.  I mean, where are they going to play?  The park?  Is that what we expect from our baseball players now?  To play in an actual park?  Do we want them to sell peanuts between innings too?  That’ll save money.  Why don’t we do that?  Maybe they should wash their own uniforms and carve their own bats out of the trees they cut down for firewood which they can then use to heat the new stadium.  Is that what you want Oakland?” Read the rest of this entry »

It was one of the most underwhelming nights in sports last night, as nothing of note happened. The only winner is you, dear reader, for getting one of the most awesomest Quality Starts in recent memory.

Magic 101, Heat 95: In one of the most fakeass ceremonies of all time, Alonzo Mourning had his number retired by the Heat – only the night was ruined by D-Ho and Orlando getting the win. Howard became the youngest player in NBA history to reach the 5,000th rebound mark and led the Magic with 22 points and 18 rebounds. Notable attendees included Gov. Charlie Crist, former Hoyas coach John Thompson, and Pat Riley. Missing from attendance was anyone from the Raptors organization, the same organization that Mourning never reported to after being traded by the Nets because he’s a fucking dirty crybaby. Screw you, ‘Zo. Funny things from the game: J.J. Redick missed two chances at open three pointers because he was out-of-bounds when he received a pass, and Mario Chalmers missed three straight free throws in the final half-minute. Clutch, my ass.

Bucks 107, Nets 78: Richard Jefferson, who NickP thinks might be the worst player in the world, had 29 points and 10 rebounds as the Bucks snapped a five-game losing streak.

Knicks 104, Jazz 112: Deron Williams had 24 points and 13 assists as the Jazz won their 15th straight home game.

For the remaining NBA score, click here.