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If the beginning of the 2008 season for the Cleveland Indians could be captured in a sound, it would be the sound of a thick, post-Chipotle turd dropping into the toilet.  Killed by injuries and poor performances, the Tribe suffered through the second most disappointing first half (Tigers were no. 1) of any team that was expected to contend.  CC Sabathia, pitching for a mega-deal, started off like straight shit, and no. 2 Darth Fausto Carmona, soon found himself on the DL which was a serious blow even with the dominance that was one Cliff Lee.

But the injuries didn’t stop with the pitchers, oh no…non-roidy Travis Hafner and the Tribe’s best hitter, Victor Martinez both went down for significant periods of time and without the veteran stability in the lineup, the young guys expected to produce crumbled under the weight.

Yet, there was a turnaround, one that sent them on a torrid streak after the All Star break, and took them from the cellar to a respectable 81-81 finish, good for third in the AL Central behind those cousin fucking White Sox who will be absolutely putrid this year and the Shitysota Gay Twins, who always suckle on the teet of mediocrity…and once you suckle on that teet, oh shit, you suckle on it for awhile.

Looking ahead to 2009:

The Indians’ are on the cusp of being challengers for a playoff spot.  If everything falls into place, like it did in 2007, then they should be the class of the division, because the rest of the division consists of a bunch of souless demons who want to suck the life out of newborn babies.  And do you want to root for teams like that?  Didn’t think so…so root for the team with a racist caricature painted on their hats…they’re the good guys.

In all seriousness, I loved the two signings of Kerry Wood and Carl Pavano.  Sure, Pavano was seemingly hurt for a decade, but he was successful when healthy, and for a one-year, low-risk show me deal, what do you really have to lose?  If anything he keeps the seat warm for one of a small handful of prospects waiting to come up.  As for Wood, providing he’s healthy at least 75% of the season, he’s INFINITELY better than the walking, should’ve been aborted fetus that was Joe Borowski.

As for the lineup…I expect next to nothing from Travis Hafner.  When he was on the juice, he was fearsome, but unfortunately for us, he’s smarter than he looks and figured once he got his coin, he’d stop taking shit that could have long term effects.  What an asshole.  Victor Martinez on the other hand, I expect a big rebound from, well, at least back to his typical seasons past…and hopefully, the Tribe gets some contributions from young’ns Shin Soo Choo, Ben Francisco, and my favorite prospect, Matt LaPorta.

Fausto is going to come back with a vengence and be the third consective Indian to win the Cy Young…I know this, you know this.  He has a demon sinker that hits the mid 90’s and is damn near impossible to hit and results in multi-game streaks where he allows 1 ER and 5 hits in 8 innings.  He’s unbelievable.  Cliff Lee isn’t going to be as unconscious as he was last season, but if he can locate his fastball, his key to success, then why shouldn’t we expect a pretty good season?  After Fausto, Cliff and Pavano, however, the rotation is thin…

What sucks:

Well…the thin rotation.  Unfortunately, Jeremy Sowers is still on the team.  Sigh…Jeremy Sowers has a batting practice fastball, a slider that loves to hang over the plate and a curveball…

Great.

The defense also needs some work.  Jhonny Peralta needs to be moved to third, desperately, so Asdrubal Cabrera can take over at short just to get SOME range in there.  But then there’s a hole at second.  Shit…the infield is just one giant question mark.

What to expect:

One of two scenarios…if there’s any semblance of rhythm and consistency, they’ll win the AL Central, and that’s the conclusion I see.  The Tribe are like a less successful, MLB version of the Spurs in that every other year, they’re a good team.  Well, last year, they were an afterthought so this year, they’ll be good.  It’s science.

The other scenario is nothing clicks and they don’t really contend, but will still be the only team in the AL Central that still has a soul.

My prediction:

162-0, 1st in the AL Central, World Series Champions

Awwwwwwwwww yea.

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