Another wonderful day in MLJ land. Roman hit us with some break’d science earlier. My own $0.02 on the transaction is that the Pats are very gay.

Onto tonight:

Orlando @ Philly: Orlando tries to recover from last night’s embarrassing lost at the hands of the Detroit Pistons.

Oklahoma City @ Memphis: Kevin Durant sprained his ankle last night and will probably sit this one out. Look for OJ Mayo to steal the show. He’s no doubt still smarting from his defeat in H.O.R.S.E. (I was there!)

New York @ Miami: Dwyane Wade tries out for his new team tonight.

Houston @ Chicago: Without Drew Gooden and Larry Hughes, I don’t know how the Bulls expect to compete with the Rockets. LOLz!

Non-sports

Roman’s pick: The Bucket List on HBO Signature. For obvious reasons.

Hef’s pick: Knocked Up on Cinemax. For obvious reasons.

Enjoy your Saturday evening, y’all.

Me AND Vrabel got traded for a 2? FTW?

According to Peter King, Bill Belichick’s penis excreted the information that the Patriots have traded both Matt Cassel and Mike Vrabel to the Chiefs for their 2nd Round Pick (34th overall). That’s it. Really. A Deuce for two of the Pats most important pieces. In other news, Bill Belichick fell off a ladder and received severe head damage. Also, Scott Pioli continued to look like Tony Soprano.

Good morning, sports fans. It’s been another fantastic week here at MLJ with one large caveat. I can no longer access the site while I’m at work, so the comment sections are going to be noticeably lacking a certain grace and charm during  the 7:00 AM – 6:30 PM timeframe from here on out. The man has finally gotten to me, but I hope that doesn’t stop you from checking in throughout the day. Que sera sera.

Let’s check out the goings-on from last night:

Cavs 97, Spurs 86: Trying to bounce back from last night’s embarrassing performance, the Cavs jumped on the Spurs early and often last night, rolling to an easy victory. Don’t let the final score fool you. San Antonio was never in this game. Lebron finished with 30 and 14 and sat the entire 4th quarter. Red chipped in with 17-7-5 before fouling out.  Last night’s game once again proved the age old adage  “Ohio > Texas.”

Nuggets 90, Lakers 79: Pau Gasol did everything he could last night to will the Fakers to victory, but he was unable to overcome a disastrous shooting performance by Kobe Bryant. It was an uncharacteristically rough game for Kobe, who might be one of the very best shooting guards in the Pacific Division. He finished with 29 points on 31 shots. He missed more shots than Pau attempted, which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, considering Pau is much more efficient. As always, F the Fakers.

Pistons 93, Magic 85: Orlando caught Detroit on a rare night when those jump shooting phags were actually finding the bottom of the net. Simultaneously, Orlando wasn’t hitting the 3 ball at their usually high rate. It was a recipe for disaster and not even Dwight Howard’s 21 and 13 could save them. The Magic are now 3.5 back and have fallen completely out of the race for the #1 or #2 seed. Enjoy the second round exit, Magic fans.

Hawks 91, Heat 83: It’s tough to win in the Association when your point guard sucks eggs. Mario Chalmers shot 2-7 from the floor last night and had 5 turnovers, helping to play a big role in wasting another good performance by Dwyane Wade (21-10). Al Horford has a monster game (21 points, 22 boards) for the victors.

Celtics 104, Pacers 99: Kevin Garnett sat another game out. He watched this one from a gay bathhouse, because he’s gay.

Enjoy your Saturday, y’all.

What a fantastic Friday. If you didn’t stop by until now shame on you. It doesn’t get any better than the lineup we threw out there today. Ok I lied, I didn’t read anything that was posted today. Not even my own QS, and it’s very rare for me to not read something that I write. I do know that NickP wrote the most typo filled, and possibly most inaccurate, team preview in MLJ history. That’s a span of like 8 previews people. We also learned about one of the greatest quizzes ever invented

Tonight I am off once again to palacial Ralph Engelstad Arena to watch the Bismarck Demons take on the Grand Forks Central Knights and then watch the Grand Forks Red River RoughRiders take on the Fargo South Bruins. It should be a fantastical time. Only one West team has ever won the state championship, so naturally I will be cheering for Bismarck. West-siiiiiiiide. Stuff that might actually make it onto your TV is after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

The first thing I say to a customer service representative when I’m calling about a billing issue: “If I can prove to you that I’m right and you’re wrong, will you be able to fix my bill?” If they say no, then I ask to be transferred to someone who can. It saves a lot of time and I won’t have to tell my busted story twice. Fuck that first guy. He’s an idiot.

I will not take Bill James’ handbook seriously until he figures out a way to consider steroid use for adjusted OPS+ and thereby showing everyone how good Frank Thomas really was. Get on it, Bill.

When you’re stepping over a stranger in an aisle at a movie theater, is it better manners to give them a face full of ass or a face full of junk? Most people give some ass, but I think giving junk is less offensive. Then again there’s a chance you’ll have to make eye contact if you’re facing them. And let’s face it, there’s nothing worse than making eye contact with a stranger while your junk is in their face. Unless you’re one of the sicko’s. Read the rest of this entry »

The Buccaneers have traded undisclosed draft picks to the Browns for Kellen Winslow. Winslow was unhappy in Cleveland and ManKok decided he needed to go so their process would not be disrupted. Winslow will be happy not to get another Staph Infection in his Balls and hopefully will perform in Tampa. The Bucs hope Kellen hasn’t noticed his Quarterback situation in Tampa is way worse than the one in Cleveland and we all know how much that one blows. Either way, Winslow will most likely spend his career as talent wasted. At least it will be wasted by someone other than Eric Mangini.

The Jets agreed in principle with Bart Scott on a 5 year $40 million deal. Typical of the Jets, they signed the worst of the three Raven Linebackers to a long term deal. Let us see how Bart does without Ray Ray, Suggs and Haloti Ngata funneling running backs his way. At least he is 28! That is younger than Ray Lewis.

Nothing To Click Here is the collective effort of the entire MLJ staff. These are just some of the things we come across in our daily reading. The links contained within are either extremely well-written, thought-provoking, funny, weird or simply awesome. If you have any suggestions please send them here.

Comparing LA Governor Bobby Jindal to Kenneth Parcells from 30 Rock. (The Atlantic)

Bob Huggins visits Cincinnati.  (Obsessed with Sports)

Michael Vick one step closer to the NFL.  (Josh Q. Public)

The Mikki Moore signing is bad for the Cavs. (Cursed Cleveland)

First you make fun of Happy for mentioning ”Red” Kerr. Then you make fun of him for mentioning Norm Van Lier. Then both Kerr and Van Lier die on the same day. The lesson: don’t let Happy mention you in a non-MLB post. (Rick Telander)

NBA Commercials and Lebron hits a half court shot.  (The House That Glanville Built)

No charges will be filed against the couple who opened fire until police can figure out if the would-be thieves were white, black, or Aztec. (WSBTV)

Hyping up a college football game that doesn’t take place for many, many months.  (CollegeGameBalls)

A betting pool for steroids users.  I’ll take the over.  (Five Tool Tool)

Today’s video of the day?  Another kid getting hit with a ball and getting absolutely destroyed.  No, you have issues.

After the jump, a Beyonce nip-slip (SFW insomuch as you have to search for the nip–passersby will just think you’re gay for caring about the Oscars). Read the rest of this entry »

I fuck dudes.

In anticipation of the coming baseball season, we will be previewing all 30 teams over the next month. To see all of our team previews, please click here.

Last year the Toronto Blue Jays surprisingly won 86 games. That is not a typo. When you adjust those wins for the tough schedule the BJ’s played, they actually had the 5th best record in all of baseball in third order wins, which adjusts for strength of schedule.

Without question, the Blue Jays were one of the best teams in Major League Baseball last year. Unfortunately, they were stuck behind 3 (Boston, Rays, Yanks) better teams, meaning Toronto finished 4th in their division. So what has faggy GM J.P. Faggiardi done to improve upon Toronto’s already talented roster? In two words, very little. Read the rest of this entry »

Now that I’m a big time blogger, I get weird e-mails. Maybe the most random e-mail I’ve ever received showed up this week. It was from Comedy Central informing me that Warren Sapp was going to be on the dias at the Larry The Cable Guy Roast. It also included a form for credentials. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it to LA by Sunday. It is nice to know that I’ve made it.

Ten days ago, KSK opined on Dan Marino being a part of the roast. The release I received didn’t mention Marino, but I’m sure he’s one of the distinguished “others.” Unless Sapp sacked Marino!? (I feel like I’m working at Entertainment Weekly.) Here are the comedy Gods that you can look forward to seeing on March 15th.

Nick DiPaolo, Jeff Foxworthy, Greg Giraldo, Toby Keith, Lisa Lampanelli (Roastmaster), Maureen McCormick, Jeffrey Ross, Warren Sapp, among others.

Did you guys hear that? Among others… That could literally be anyone. (And what the fuck is Maureen McCormick doing there? Was Eve Plumb busy? /zing)

Anyway, it’s nice to see Warren Sapp continue to expand his post-NFL resume. First Dancing With The Stars, now a Comedy Central roast. Next? Celebrity Apprentice 3? Project Runway: Big & Tall?