Welcome to the first NTCH of the New Year [pauses for applause]. Thank you for your kindness [standing ovation.....]. Please, please, that’s more than enough [men start throwing their daughters onstage]. I appreciate that, but I don’t need your daughters. I’m married. In fact we have a bit of a stunning announcement today. Yup, you guessed it. Mrs. Hef is pregnant again [stunned silence]. Um, thanks. Yup that’s right, the Hef’s are adding to their brood. [more stunned silence]. Of course we’re very happy…and, um, we’re excited with the thoughts that…[uncomfortable coughs]. Um…just think, we’re a third of the way to a baseball team. Haha. Not that we would want nine childr–[Rex: Boooo! NickP: You suck!]. Okay, well I guess I need to wrap this up. [Stigs: You mean Rap!]. Why don’t we just jump to the links?
There’s Nothing to Click Here:
Finally, an explanation for why Steelers fans are the dregs of humanity. Surprisingly not written by Spence.
This is one of the reasons I can’t get behind the Arizona Cardinals; their quarterback, um, makes me uncomfortable.
The Indians are frontrunners…for FA Carl Pavano. Lucky!
Wait, so Isiah Thomas wasn’t a bad GM? He’s still an asshole though, right?
Phillies pitcher suspended for 50 games for steroids use…does he have to give back his ring?
Im trying to find a shirt for Gasparilla(look it up) I found one that says “I shaved my balls for this?”. Is this too over the top?
Congrats!
congratulations, Hef. that’s pretty cool. good luck to you and mrs. hef throughout the bake time.
miz- i don’t think it is a good idea to get baked during pregnancy. (See: 096,Spencer)
Congrats Hef.
It was that Mormon wedding that inspired you guys wasn’t it?
HejewIII or Hejewette I?
it’s probably too early to tell. so, which one are you hoping for?
Why is everyone congratulating me? I said my wife was pregnant. Are your ears filled with wax?
hef, that means you get to eat more food too!
I’m congratulating you for the tax break. isn’t that why people have kids?
Congratulations, Hef. You know what they say, the third time’s the charm. So what would that mean this time?
Having sex with your pregnant wife is like putting gas in to the tank of a car you already wrecked
/Al Bundy
/Not my kid
/I think
OK, I’ll try this tack: You dipshit!! Do you not want want sleep or extra money?
better?
Tax break = money to pay for diapers.
We’re hoping for a girl to keep the family happy and somewhat balanced.
no no, Hef. that means a school and a wedding to pay for.
Oh and thanks. We’re almost thrilled.
/getting there…right now we’ve settled on the fact that this is happening and there’s no getting around it.
Sparty, if it’s a boy, I’m selling my chowder to men with nothing but daughters. $500/oz
Hef..you want boys to work the field and pay for themselves..girls will be the ruination of you..
bullshit. that bitch better elope.
But if I had your chowder I would still have your kid and who the fuck wants that..certainly not you or Mrs. Hef and trust you me from what I hear not even the Hef in laws
Maybe its Twins, or Triplets.
Hef, There are plenty of other “options”, you don’t HAVE to accept it.
/the single guy approach.
“Maybe its Twins, or Triplets.”
Great, Hef just threw himself in front of traffic. Looks like Roman is the editor-in-chief now.
my brother fathered twin girls, and he already had one daughter.
Don’t you put that curse on me, Bo.
my dad has younger twin sisters. my mom has older twin sisters. supposedly it’s genetic and skips generations…I’m already fucked.
I am hearing through sources that Mrs. Hef is indeed pregnant with 9 girls…
/2008 Sparty Award winning Author and MLJ Editor in Chief Roman War Helmet
she’s having a litter? wow…
Well Hef is a pussy
Roman, please tell me this isn’t your source.
I had to dog sit for a friend once and he only gave me a 5 minute notice. I know what you are going through Hef.
sigh, i know who is source is….
I was just starting to like HeJew II. Took me 18 months.
Added bonus: 9 months of sober cab for Hef.
should we expect a hiatus this fall?
sparty – are you implying that hef will take paternity leave? if so, hef’s a pussy.
Well, he did father a litter.
/or so I heard.
Was this implying that girls are dumber than boys and can’t get scholarships? If so, agreed.
fall? shit, the d-bags will be out of the playoff race by june. we won’t have to wait that long before we can talk golf, college hockey and the NBA.
according to
sources
shut up, rek.
/Iggles Suck
I’m not going anywhere. We’re moving to a new place in Feb (temporarily–to save money) but we’re staying in AZ indefinitely now. Hef don’t need no leave of absence. He figured this all out a long time ago.
1st person to 2nd person to 3rd person all in one comment. Impressive Hef
Here is the place Hef is staying to save money.
in a few years, the Hefler family can turn their own 6-4-3 double play since they will finally have three boys who can catch.
Roman, is that a kibbutz?
Stigs, Does that mean I’m hitting into the double play that my sons are turning?
/fuck
Hef, you are.
False.
Gosh, It was only yesterday when Hef told me stories of playing pickle with the boys. Ironically enough, the pickle strikes again. This time he played with a female… unless of course his wife is the Virgin Mary. You never know, he is Jewish and um…
Congrats Hef
You know what dude, hear me out for a second okay. Now technically, that stain did appear to me. Also I am familiar with carpentry and I don’t know who my father is. So, am I the messiah? I don’t know, I could be, I’m not ruling it out.
you are so getting struck by lightening…
damn!
Hef, are you gay for God?
stigs is next in line for that lightning strike.
Goodnight everybody. Back to work.
miz, you’re such a homophobe.
hef’s gay for guys
Back to work? You can’t impregnate your wife again…relax and alienate the kids currently walking the earth
@stigs – yes.
/nttawwt
Hef and God…sitting in a tree…K-I-S-S-I-N-G
/8 year old Roman’d
what’s the due date, Hef? will there be a countdown? is anybody take bets on the date?
No idea on the date yet. Late August?
wow, you are jewish and you are telling people this early?
We should have a closest to the pin contest. winner gets an MLJ t shirt
if it’s 160 and in…might as well just give me the trophy.
/oh, you were talking about something else.
spencer- well done on Pavano….
sparty…i know. not gonna lie, i kinda like the signing. i wouldn’t be surprised if he does pretty well without any expectations. im sure the NY spotlight was unbearable when he couldn’t get healthy.
Hef. If you waited a about 5 years, you woulda been able to have a free babysitter, since the eldest would have been over 12.
Oh, and does the special lady get pregnant if you stare at her too long? Christ and congrats.
spencer–Is the NY spotlight the same as the one that is in the surgery room? I’m sure that one was unbearable.
seriously, spencer…i hope there is an MRI nearby.
/Eagles > giants
sparty? you ok?
that’s fucked up
I’m confused.
I knew you’d come around sooner or later.
RWH, you are the editor in chief, fix that.
You can’t fix the truth, sparty.
It appears to be Sparty’s mistake and not an alteration of any kind. Nice work.
Eagles rule!
/Sparty
i hate comment-driven posts.
that is bullshit!!!!
I never refer to them as the “Giants”, complete garbage.