Jerk Of The Month: January

I didn’t have any clue how to introduce this month’s jerk, so I asked him for some advice.

You can pretty much just make fun of the fact that we’re not a real blog, we’re more of a biannual internet magazine for people that hate Cleveland sports teams and anything Ohio State related.

Hate Cleveland sports teams? Check. Hate Ohio State? Check. Love tastless jokes and off-color humor? Check. I’m in. You know him simply as Cursed, and he is our Jerk of the Month for January. And hey, he didn’t have to botch a major college football story to get that honor (or spell a word in the URL wrong).

 Now,  as for Kobe. I saw him play a regular season game in 1996 as a rookie. He was playing with Nick Van Exel, Cedric Ceballos and Eddie Jones. While he was turning Del Harris’ hair from gray to completely white, he had the most talent on the team, at age 18. I continue to watch him at the next year, I compared him to Jordan right there and then (I might or might not have said during his 2^nd year that he’s have more titles and more scoring titles than MJ).

 Watching LeBron make the jump to the NBA was amazing. His body was already NBA ready and you could see how it would just be a matter of time.  His passing was by far his best quality..then came the finishing, then came the footwork, then came the streaky jumper, now comes the desire to play defense, what doesn’t seem to be ever coming is the shot selection, it’s always been atrocious and will continue to be atrocious. He’s just become a more talented player, so it’s mitigated that issue.

 Watching Kobe win championships for Shaq down the fourth quarter and inheriting the title of the most clutch player in sports from MJ(which he quickly relinquished to Tiger and then Parker Bohn III [Ed. note: He's a bowler, right?]) .  Watching Kobe gracefully score 82 on mostly jump shots and footwork alone – not quickness.. is a sports moment I’ll never forget, it’s something MJ never did and it’s one of the many reasons I’ve always said that Kobe could do everything MJ could do, and in some areas, even more. (Never had the b’ball IQ though, although it’s still very high).

 I began to get put off by LeBron and is refusal to play defense or work on his freethrows/jump shots. I think LeBron got too big for basketball for a few years there, and again, it was a put off. You have LeBron talking about becoming the richest man in the world, while Kobe cared about one thing (when he’s not in Eagle Colorado). 

 But I’ve always had mad respect for LeBron. But I appreciate Kobe more b/c he’s still dominating games with his skill. While LeBron dominates on mostly athleticism and a lot of skill. If you were to have both players switch bodies, it’s not even close who the better player would be. WOULDN’T EVEN BE CLOSE. LeBron will likely go down as the better player down the road, and I just hope people don’t forget about how great he was.

3. Back in my commenting infancy, I remember you proposing a rule that MLB teams should be allowed to take all 27 of their outs at once, or in any grouping they choose. What other zany rules would you like to propose?

Let me start out with the non-zany. The NBA desperately needs to get rid of the two-shot penalty situation on the fifth foul per quarter. Go to the one-and one, it’ll instantly make games more entertaining. No lead is safe, and the game flow is much better.

In baseball, zero throwbacks to first base “to keep the runner honest.” I don’t care about tradition, or baseball purists… purests are never good, they’re the type of people that endorsed slavery and websites like Waiting For Next Year 

4. Dare I say you should have Dictionary.com’ed “zany.” I happened to randomly see a comment of yours bashing Phil Jackson. Seeing as he’s a fellow Fighting Sioux, and has more rings than any human on Earth except Xerxes’s character on 300 (seriously, check it out), I gotta ask: What’s up with that?

A: On Phil, I guess it’s hyperbole at work when I bash him. He’s one of the greatest ever. I just think he’s not..um..putting anywhere near the effort based on the reports I hear out of LA.

5. He does think we should change the nickname, so bash away. Onto football: Being a big Buckeye fan, how do you think they’ll do next season, and WTF with Brian Hartline going to the NFL?

I’ve already used every Brian Hartline joke, there are no more.

 But OSU will have a chance against USC because  it’s at the Shoe (people forget that the Buckeyes were a dropped TD pass away from beating Vince Young’s National title team there).  The Buckeyes will also do well in conference because they do something USC doesn’t: They intimidate the rest of the conference. Just ask Sparty and his friends about that.  TP is going to be something special, even if he can’t spell “forward pass.” So I’m saying 11-1 and a potential title run. I’m such a homer.

6. I hear you’re a big fan of talk radio. Fellow commenter Cortes gives Dan LeBatard a perma-blow. Who are some of the guys you like?

I hope this answer doesn’t net me a second e-mail from John Siebel’s aunt in New Mexico like the first time I eviscerated him. What makes a great show is clearly the understanding that just knowing sports or “the issues” doesn’t automatically make you entertaining. The most entertaining radio personalities/shows all put an incredible amount of work in their shows – and if it doesn’t seem like it, then you know they’re doing something right.

 Of guys that are on the air right now nationally, Jim Rome, Steve Czaban and Colin Cowherd blow everyone else out of the water, and it’s not even close. Those three shows are all completely different from each other, yet all unique in their own ways. 

 As for the guys I don’t care for, at the top of the list it’s Mike Tirico. Not necessarily his fault, he’s never done radio. And that’s the obvious problem. Radio talent takes years to cultivate. You can’t just put someone who knows there stuff on the air and expect radio gold.  Mike and Mike are not my thing, but I do respect what they do. Even if my roast of them says otherwise.

 As for the best shows or talent in radio period, my favorites are Opie and Anthony and Glenn Beck (ed. note: who is clearly Satan)

Go back and download a random  O&A’s show  from 2000-2005 and you won’t be able to stop listening. Great show for actual comics. It’s one of my big complaints about Stern over the years is that while he’s extremely talented (as is Artie), his failure to really involve comics turned me off. Both shows have gotten stale though, and I guess that’s understandable with the cloudy future of satellite radio. I’m going to write a book on radio someday. 

7. At the risk of you scooping next week’s WAQ, I’m going to ask you about a certain football game that takes place in a week and a half. How do you see the Steelers-Cards showdown shaking out?

A: I am too busy watching NBC’s pregame show to really take time to answer this. I hope this is what you college football fans wanted when you talk about settling it on the field. The only thing that’s settled is who the hottest team at the end of the year is. Much like there’s no perfect method to elect a political figure if more than two are running (I’m a political dork junkie) there’s no perfect way to crown a champion, unless all 118 teams play eachother exactly once and the best two teams after that go to the title game, now that would be zany.

8. So I checked out a couple of your guys’ podcasts and I have to say, I love them. Are they available on iTunes at all?

A: I think the site I use to host them has something to do with Apple, but I have no clue. I’m learning as I go along. Those are entirely my creation and it’s a lot tougher than I thought it would be. I’ve hosted shows before in various settings, but to have just yourself with no crutch of callers or e-mailers, it’s very difficult to make it entertaning throughout. 

Well if you ever need a guest call me up. I’m in the bullpen loosening up as we speak. Ok I suppose we have to get to some parting shots, eh?

Favorite Book: Lying Liars and the Liars Who Tell Them by All Franken. #132,003 is Culture Warrior by Bill O’Reilly

Favorite Food: Tuna noodle casserrole

Since I ask everyone this, give your thoughts on the great nation of Canada:

I still know all the provinces and capitals in case I end up on Jeopardy. Some interesting comedy.

Who are some of the top prospects for the 2009 NBA Draft?:

I honestly haven’t seen as many games this year as in years past, so I’ll have to abstain. Although I can tell you who is absolutely terrible, and his name rhymes with BJ Mullens. Oh wait, is that his real name? I guess I gave it away.

Last but not least, who is the hottest woman on Earth.

Vanessa Hudgens, circa 2002. (Since that puts her at 14 I’m going to assume Cursed can’t do math, and link to a more topical pic)

I’d like to thank Cursed for taking time out of his day to join us for the Jerk of the Month, and if you need a cheap laugh go ahead and check out his website. And the podcasts.