Eric Mangini: There are so many reasons not to like this hire…

Initial Reaction (5:45 pm): My Browns fandom is being questioned to its very core. This feels like loving something so much you’d do anything for “it” and eventually you reach a pivotal moment where you’re forced to ask yourself the question, “am I getting any return on my emotional investment?”

Upon hearing about the hire of Eric Mangini, I have reached that point with my beloved Cleveland Browns…I don’t know if I can put in the time and psychological effort into following something I know is dying.

Why am I a Browns fan?

Because the Browns ARE Cleveland. We all feel like underdogs and think the rest of the country views us as a running joke. To say we have a chip on our shoulder is an understatement…but no matter the burning desire to get recognition for our athletic prowess, we always suck.

While it’s every team’s curse to bear, the loser, the Charlie Brown, it’s ironic that the team that’s at the center of the Cursed orbit is named after the kid who can never kick the football. From dynasty under Paul Brown when my parents were still in grade school to perpetual putridity until the 1980’s when they rose to infamy through a series of gut-wrenching stomach punches that no franchise should endure where one of my first vivid memories is watching “The Drive” with my grandfather when I was two years old. Just like Brad Daugherty and Mark Price’s Cavs and Albert Belle’s Indians, the Sipe/Kosar Browns are best known for being the bridesmaids.

Then came the move. Fucking Art Modell, may he burn in fucking hell next to Judas Iscariot and Brutus singed to the forehead of the fallen angel Beelzebub and pissed on by the acidic urine of hellspawn for all eternity, went and fucking moved one of the bedrocks of the NFL to fucking BALTIMORE, citing economic bullshit despite the fact that 80-fucking-thousand fans packed a shitty stadium right by a lake in December to watch a 3-10 team every fucking year since…um…EVER. It was then I decided that I’m a Browns fan for life.

My Browns 2.0 Adolescence

I swear to God that Chris Palmer is really Rich Kotite with a forged ID. Tim Couch and Courtney Brown and Gerrard Warren and Willie Green and Jeff Faine and just fucking shoot me already…

Yes, it was hard…but there was always hope. Where, at the end of the season against playoff winning teams, the Browns always looked, not good, but competent. The Draft was our Super Bowl, and all throughout high school I dug in and became a poor man’s Mel Kiper, able to rip off attributes and pros/cons like gangbusters. The Browns were always a few pieces away from getting to relevancy!!!

For every fluke playoff year like last year’s there’s three 4-12 ones right there. For every new coach and new prodigy GM there’s a “fuck you, go root for Buffalo,” email.

But unlike 1999-2006 (2007 was hope incarnate), after this season there was no hope. I’ve said it’s been the worst Browns season I have ever experienced, the smoldering wreckage of high hopes flying at 30,000 feet crashing down at an instant. The only silver lining was the shining knight…the Bill Cowher or Scott Pioli waiting to come in and rescue us from mediocrity.

Instead…another fat guy from Boston, the third turd Bill Belichick has flung at the Browns…

There are so many reasons not to like this hire…

Can we start with the fact that his reputation around that of being a rat? After the Spygate fiasco triggered by Mangini his credibility is absolutely shot and he’s viewed as someone who willingly cheated in order to advance their career, and then blow the whistle on his former boss. That’s disgusting behavior, especially towards someone you considered a mentor and a guy who gave you the career you now enjoy? You were a fucking media bitch when you started here in Cleveland and the only reason you’re employed in the field you are is because of Bill Belichick…and how do you repay him? By snitching on a practice you were most likely involved in?!?!?!!

Questionable ethics and moral judgment aside, and looking at him purely as a coach, you’re still left underwhelmed. Something like a 23-26 record when your two winning years were aided by historically creampuffed schedules does not inspire confidence in the least.

Schematically is there something there? He WAS called the “Mangenius” after all! If his offensive scheme (aided by Bill Callahan and Brian Schottenheimer) was a food, it’d be the macaroni and cheese with bacon that Pizza Hut was trying to pass off as gourmet. If Belichick is a tandoori grilled ribeye with mango chutney and mint jelly, you know, high end exotic, then I feel that’s a fitting description for what Mangini’s coaching acumen represents if it were a meal comparatively.

Now lets take a look at the circumstances under which he was hired…the Browns are going under a complete organizational overhaul, from top to bottom. The thinking was we were going to get a GM first and let him choose the coach, you know, the rational method one would take in if they wanted everything on the same page. There was Scott Pioli out there, someone who was groomed under Parcells and came to fruition with Belichick, a partnership which yielded three Super Bowls. Most certainly HE would be someone to go after without abandon!

But say you wanted a coach instead and let him pick who he’d choose to work with? There was Mike Shanahan, a coach given far too much control, yet owns two Super Bowl rings, over 220 wins, and guru of an offensive scheme that fits your current personnel on that side to a T. Most certainly HE would be someone to go after without abandon!

And why rush anyways? We still have three rounds left in the playoffs and there’s a bevy of qualified coach and GM hires that may appear from the fray with Steve Spagnuolo and Jim Schwartz leading the pack. There’s a potential rift in Tampa Bay with their Super Bowl winning coach Jon Gruden developing. Why not just sit back and see what’s out there?

BECAUSE RANDY LERNER NEEDED ERIC MANGINI!!!

The thing that hurts the most is that there was Scott Pioli just sitting there, with Clevelander Josh McDaniel in tow, waiting for the Browns job, while not a major market, a relatively high-profile job for a ravenous fanbase spread throughout the country. And he WANTED it too. He had worked here before. It was PERFECT.

And despite all this, Randy Lerner hurriedly jumped to action, desperate to make a move. He became instantly enamored with Mangini, almost after the first interview, and in their discussions (or the organization’s discussions, I have no idea) the name George Kokinis came into the fold, the man who took over as Ozzie Newsome’s right hand man after Phil Savage left.

So…Lerner, obviously thrilled after the first go-around with a former New England coordinator paired with an ex-Raven decided to fund a sequel and now, many of the employees that were so ineffective during the Savage-era, will most likely be retained. I say most likely because the Ravens blocked the Browns from interviewing Kokinis, but I’m making the assumption that it’s a done-deal.

In all honesty, Lerner probably doesn’t even care, and hell, he’s probably on his jet across the pond to watch his soccer team he cares infinitely more about and letting the rest just fall into place. Meanwhile, the fanbase of his team is in a riotous fervor over a hiring that was, in their eyes, unnecessarily hurried and rashly executed.

Mike Shanahan will get back from vacation on Monday and Scott Pioli is still up in the air, yet the Browns decided that Plans A and B weren’t worth the bother and went with a very mediocre Plan C without a second thought. Great.

What did we do to deserve this?

First, let me say that I don’t think that Mangini’s time here in Cleveland won’t be fruitful. It would hardly be the first time that a coach with a previously meh tenure went somewhere else only to find success. He’s still young, he’s semi-bright, and he does demand respect from his players and will be the demander of accountability that this organization has lacked under Romeo/Savage, which are all good things.

But it’s just so…underwhelming.

What, exactly, has Mangini done to inspire confidence other than put in a memorable cameo in The Sopranos? I can’t think of a whole lot.

So, while Pioli waits and Shanahan gets ready to start interviewing, the Browns will be gearing up for Mangenius to get to work. Browns fans will be sitting at home wondering if we’ll be blessed with another tumultuous three year run that ends in another wholesale re-organization. This is our umpteenth run at this type of thing, and at this point, we can almost sense it coming, which is why I’m so distressed by this hire.

We’ll see what the draft brings and what happens in the offseason, but Randy Lerner, if you happen across this, please listen…

You are losing the confidence of your fanbase. If this fails, the results will be disasterous. Considering what I’ve been through as a Browns fan, and how that pales in comparison to the pain that thousands of Browns fans who have been around longer have endured, another disastrous turn of events will undoubtedly shake the very fabric of the team, the undying support of the greatest fanbase in sports. Without that, there is no Browns…period.

This is an important moment in our organization’s history…what comes of it…I’m not sure, to be honest, but I do know that I’m re-evaluating my dedication, and it sickens me to death.

Part II: Spencer’s ridiculous theory making a corollary between Randy Lerner’s current bullshit as a master plan to re-locate the Browns to Los Angeles and Rachel Phelps’ plan to get the Indians out of Cleveland in Major League.