Since I’m stuck at home with the kids, I’ve decided to do my part and make this the livebloggiest entry in the history of Major League Jerk. Although it will really lack in comparison to our world-famous debate thread, I will still try to bring some heat, unless of course I have to take a break because one of the kids got sick.
If anyone has a link to the PPV, feel free to leave it in the comments because I don’t want Dana White and the Fertitta brothers to send any lawyers to my shack’s front door. And please take it easy on me if I don’t get the terminology correct (I’m looking at you, cursed). I just really got into MMA a year and half ago.
Things will get started around 8:50 God’s Time (Central) so we (probably won’t) see you after the jump. Oh, and if there’s anything you want to contribute, holla: majorleagueclown at gmail.
8:54: And we’re off! If you want a preview of tonight’s card, you can find it here. Probably the best preview in the history of modern times, at least since the invention of the printing press.
8:58: Man, Rampage looks fat in his pre-fight interview. Maybe it’s the beard.
9:01: I love the pre-fight “I’m gonna beat his face in” and then they do that ghey stuff at the end of the match.
9:07: Tony Schiavone and Mike Tenay Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan agree: this is a sick lineup. Rogan always wears the same douchetastic shirt at every UFC event. Don’t tell him I said that because I’m hoping to score some free tix when he comes to Austin in late January.
9:09: First up: Mostapha Al Turk vs. Cheick Kongo. They’re both euros. Kongo’s pretty legit.
9:13: I didn’t catch Al Turk’s intro music, but I think Kongo came out to some hardcore French rap.
9:13: Bruce Buffer is a dapper man.
9:14: Steve Mazzagatti is the ref, sans pornstache.
9:18: 2:13 left in the first, and Kongo takes a knee to the nuts. Time out.
9:20: 1:08 left in the first and now Al Turk takes one in the johnson. The whole crowd “AWWWWWWW!”
9:23: Kongo knocks him down him with the right and does some serious ground and pound. Ref calls it with 22-ish seconds left in the first. Mucho ouchies for Al Turk. One more fight after this and I could see Kongo getting a title shot.
9:25: I wonder if Kongo hangs out with Tony Parker. I’ve seen pics where Thierry Henry went to one of Parker’s games. I figure all French professional athletes chillax together.
9:27: Bam!
9:30: Wow, they are already getting ready to air the Silva vs. Rampage match! Thought it would be third to last.
9:31: Silva comes out to one of the gheyest dance songs evAr and I absolutely love it. Wish I knew the name of it. Help, anyone?
9:33: NM, Sandstorm by Darude. How can you not get hype to that?
9:35: Not sure what Rampage’s Jay-Z intro joint is, either. Rogan’s talking about how Rampage is taking his training and nutrition seriously for the first time ever. That’s a big ol’ “Fuck you, Juanito.”
9:38: Rampage getting booed. I guess causing miscarriages doesn’t make you a fan favorite. Yves Lavigne is the ref. The fighters don’t touch gloves. Fight!
Tentative swinging so far, 3:46, 1st.
9:42: Ramage catches Silva with a crazy left hook out of nowhere! 1:41 in the first. Silva was out cold.
9:46: Rampage mentions his new training camp about 5 times in the postfight.
9:48: Promo for UFC 93, which I personally have no interest in. UFC 94 with St. Pierre v. Penn, on the other hand, I’m def down for.
9:49: (undercard) Dan Evensen v. Pat Barry. Good time for a Jameson refill.
9:52: Pat Barry wins by opponent’s vagitis. Evensen has some sweet tats, tho! Right, brah?
9:57: Up next, CB Dollaway v. Mike Massenzio. Evidently they have some kind of amateur wrestling history. I used to think that Dollaway was a douche, but since he already lost to Amir twice on TUF, that hating has run its course. Also, he trains with Ryan Bader with Arizona Top Team, so that makes him one of the good guys.
9:58: Mike comes out to AC/DC. So cliche.
9:59: CB comes out to Eminem. At least rock his new joint or something. Shit.
10:02: Yves Lavigne reffing again. Arianny Celeste is so damn fine.
10:03: I think MTX Audio might be a sponsor of Dollaway.
Mike had Dollaway in a guillotine, and it kind of looked like Dollaway tapped, and then CB got out of the hold.
That was after Mike caught him with a pretty good punch.
CB recovers, gets full mount and then takes Mike’s back. Ref stops the fight. 3:01 in the first.
CB has a lisp. He looks like the Rusty from Lampoon’s Euro Vac.
10:10: (undercard) Matt Hamill v. Reese Andy
Steve Moustachgatti is reffing. FWIW, I’m still pissed that Hamill got screwed against Bisping. Fuck those Brits.
Reese Andy with a good flurry. Hamill is cut, but he’s a gamer. They are still standing.
I would like to hear Cursed commentating an MMA fight. (The after school fight at West Parkersvilleburg Junior High doesn’t count)
Our first fight to get out of Round 1! Dana White is Hamill’s trainer, evidently. Certainly a lot of curse words.
Hamill wins with “beating that ass”. Ref calls it mid-way thru the 2nd.
10:20: Rogan looked very uncomfortable with that postfight.
10:22: New UFC game is coming out next year. Anyone played that?
Interview with Brock Lesnar. He wants to fight Frank Mir for the rematch. Coming up next: Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira v. Frank Mir. I think Lesnar was wearing denim on denim. I’m not sure – I’m not watching an HD feed.
While we have a break in the action, may I refer you to Fetch’s sweet holiday poem?
10:27: Frank Mir’s intro: Nas feat Puffy
Nog’s intro: Rolling Stones
Mad shout to Quizz and Quon. Welcome, everyone! Don’t be afraid to leave comments. (Pac-10 football still sucks, tho.)
10:32: Herb Dean will be reffing this match. I hate that the wife won’t let me grow dreads like Herb. Does she not realize how cool I would be?
Mir is getting some punches thru. 4:00 left.
Mir gets the takedown and then wants Nog to get up.
Mir knocks down Nog. Wants him to get up. They stand. 1:20 left, 1st.
Mir knocks down Nog again at the end of the round. Goldberg fucks up again. Nog looks very tentative.
Start round 2.
10:43: Mir knocks down Nog again. Nog can’t defend the pound. Ref calls it at 1:50 in the 2nd. Can’t wait for the Lesnar/Mir rematch. If it’s in Columbus at UFC 94 – Rex, I’m coming to watch and I’m gonna stay at your house. kthxbai.
10:47: Brock gets booed during the postfight. Mir talks about beating him again in the first round. Will Mir luck out again? I don’t think so.
10:49: My Bloody Valentine 3D – in theaters January 16th!
10:55: Rashad Evans intro: KRS-One. Classic. banger. (although I like the remix better)
10:58: Forest’s intro: phaggy shit. Boston sucks.
Griffin has a sweaterchest that would make Roman and CRM proud.
Stevie M. is reffing again.
Evans is mostly booed. Vegas is so racist.
11:04: And we’re off!
Both fighters afraid to clinch. Lots of kicking and punching at air.
Round 1 is over. I think I give it to Forrest based on the kicks.
11:10: round 2
Evans tells Griffin to bring that shit to me. Forrest caught him with a couple of good punches.
Round 2 to Forrest, I think. Griffin looks like he’s breathing pretty hard. Did he look the same against Rampage? I didn’t see that fight.
11:17: round 3
Evans knocked down Forrest. bunch of hammerfist. Griffin has full guard. 3:15 left.
Evans knocks out Griffin! Barack Obama, motherfucker!
Mazzagatti was kind of late on that stop. Let’s see if he keeps reffing after this.
Officially a TKO. Good win for sparty. They may suck at football, but at least they can produce quality wrestlers.
11:25: Another undercard match: Hardonk vs. Wessel. HW match.
11:30: I just realized I don’t give a shit about these guys. Find out who wins here. I’m headed to the gentlemen’s club. Hope you enjoyed it, and have a safe evening.
How dare you bump my UTL
/runs away crying
Did TBL take down Intern CRM’s link to us?
Blog War XXXIV
First related post is a Rex special.
TBL is busy cross-referenceing economic data with athletes’ cocks, tabloids and face-book stalking. He has no time for MMA.
Who has a link to the PPV for me?>>
Possibly here.
http://www.justin.tv/therekos2
http://www.chanelsurfing.net
/
thank RS27
Sweeettt free PPV. Suck that, Dana White
Keep it up, clown. You’re going strong.
Anyone else want to reprimand me for using the term “cunt” ?? yeah, that’s what i thought bitches.
@tony: Don’t use the term cunt. It offends our female (one person) demographic.
Who’s SportsboyTony?
Who’s watching Raptors-blazers?
Just me? Alright!
If anyone is offended my fake outrage, then I think that automatically puts you in the “cunt” category.
Our main anchor just looked at the wrong camera for two straight stories. Yeah, I’m exactly where I want to be in my career.
@tony: did you make it back to the 216 for xmas
And by the way, how F’ing awesome was Rampage’s knockout..even better that Joe Rogan scolded Mike Goldberg for saying that’s the same punch he knocked out the Iceman with.
Well if adding girls on adult friend finder from 216 counts as going back..then yes, I had a lovely time back in Cleveland for the holidays.
CJ Dolloway – “If you guys come to my after part I’ll be giving away stereo equipment”
Goldeberg, unphased -
“I’ll tell you what, these ASU wrestlers are tough”
Even Matt Hamill thinks this announcing is awful.
Ah just got done watching Miracle, one of the best movies of all time.
I actually thought Miracle was overrated. But mostly b/c I couldn’t see the puck.
That’s what she said?
you bite your tongue
Wooooooooooo!
Yeah!!!!11111111one!
“I think Lesnar was wearing denim on denim.”
Ah, the Canadian tuxedo.
Big Nog is definitely out of shape. But he still wins this one easily.
Welcome, quizz.
Hello, NickP. Thank goodness I caught CRM post on TBL before TBL took it down.
Anybody know what that giant dimple is on Nog’s back?
Quizz- nice Jessica Simpson pic on your blog.
@fetch – it’s just my holiday spirit. it was either j simpson or frank sinatra. i think i made the correct choice
I’d fuck her.
/Tampa Bo
you can change that tampa bo to a fetch. id do anything that bitch wanted me to
clown – Pac-10 is now 2-0 in bowls. If Cal had a qb they would have been a top 10 team this year. Small “if,” i know.
Aw quizz, I’m just giving you a hard time. I actually like the Beavers, since Q&Q are both Texas products.
clown you cant tuck the link to my holiday poem in a liveblog. i’m re-running it as a one-liner after the new year.
clown – i know you are. just my best coast definsive-ness(?). I heard the UT coaching staff got a stern talking-to for letting Quizz out of the state. Not that Texas has a problem recruiting.
I’ll be in Columbus for New Years Fetch. Wanna kiss at midnight?
and why isn’t my sweet gravatar showing up on MLJ?
sadly I will not be in columbus for new years. I actually have no idea what i’m doing for new years.
Oh shit its a live Blog. Rampage knocked that bitch out.
Joe Rogan looks like a homeless hippie.
I want to see a big superman punch. Virtually never works but when it does…badass.
clown, true story… wessel had to be tossed from our bar once. he was nice enough to have hit one of our female bartenders, as well as the mgr. we survived, charges were pressed, good times were had by all. fuckers built like a block. we have our “theories” on the anger…