I’ll admit it…I’m a crotchety old Big 10 guy who likes things called “defense” and “a running game” and really could care less about some douchebag throwing the ball 35 times per game for 5 TD’s.  In my mind, there’s nothing more impressive than seeing a team hold the ball for 20 minutes more than the other team, physically beating the crap out of their opponent on both sides of the ball.  It’s like saying, “fuck you, we know we’re better and we don’t want to waste our time with you so we’re going to get this over as fast as possible.”

The Big XII doesn’t think this way.  The Big XII is a bunch of guys with tiny peckers who have to drive Corvettes and big cars just to prove to the world that they’re fucking retards.  This applies to every Big XII coach except for Mike Leach, who does that because he’s an angry pirate and totally cool.  Mack Brown is probably the king of this, though Bob Stoops would probably disagree and of course this was pioneered by the great Nebraska teams who played football the way it was meant to be played…with steroid fueled white guys opening up giant holes for steroid fueled black guys to run through…all fueled by steroids…and steroids…steroids.

Anyways…today we’re going to look at the top 5 teams in the Big XII and their respective defensive statistics.  Now keep in mind that Oklahoma State has not played either Texas or Oklahoma yet, and that Missouri has played two of these teams as has Texas, so the stats might be a little skewed, but the more important thing is that none of these teams, other than Missouri, have played a single opponent out of conference that was worth a shit.  What am I getting at?  Find out after the jump.

  • Texas: 48.1 Rush YPG/275 Pass YPG/17.6 PPG
  • Oklahoma State: 116.7 Rush YPG/219.1 Pass YPG/20.6 PPG
  • Texas Tech: 92.4 Rush YPG/258.6 Pass YPG/21.1 PPG
  • Kansas: 109.7 Rush YPG/250.4 Pass YPG/21.9 PPG
  • Oklahoma: 111.6 Rush YPG/219.1 Pass YPG/20.7 PPG
  • Missouri: 123.1 Rush YPG/287.7 Pass YPG/26.3 PPG

These numbers, simply, are fucking atrocious, considering each team is ranked with Oklahoma, Texas Tech and Texas all in the top 10. 

My question is how can we take these teams seriously when their defenses are middle of the pack even after playing slate after slate of creampuffs?  Texas has DOMINANT rushing defensive statistics, but they give up almost 300 yards through the air…against two real opponents. 

Now, I’ll give them this…Texas has, by far and away, the best defense in the conference…what they did to Missouri was incredible and they are a legit national championship contender.  But Oklahoma, Kansas, Oklahoma State and Texas Tech’s defenses are putrid to the point of being mediocre, something damning for such highly ranked teams. 

Here’s my point…the passing game is a luxury, an ornament, a frosting.  Have you ever eaten a cake made only out of frosting?  It makes you sick.  These teams, Texas included, have essentially been playing 7 on 7 games and are so unintimidating physically, that it’s almost impossible to take them seriously.  How can we be sure that Colt McCoy is any good?  The last real defense he faced was in 2006 against Ohio State…and he still hasn’t beaten Texas A&M, yet he’s the “best player in the country?”

I’m not buying this conference at all.  The reason the SEC is considered the king of the hill is because their defenses are too dominant for the rest of the country to handle.  They bring an unmatched physicality and ferocity to the game that other teams are hard pressed to match.  This is supposedly a down year for the SEC and lets take a quick gander at some of the SEC teams ahead of Texas in total defense…Kentucky, Florida, Auburn, Alabama, Tennessee, South Crackalacki, and Vanderbilt.  That’s 7 teams from one conference with a better overall defense than the best defense in the Big XII, under the assumption that their schedules have been relatively even.

Now, it’s hard to compare things like this in college football because no schedule is even, but I think this is telling.  There’s been a lot of talk about how great the Big XII is, and rightly so, but at the same time, there’s no doubt that the SEC is still heads and shoulders above it, and frankly, the only reason that Texas is on top right now is because they’re the only team that has realized that airing it out all day is not the key ingredient to winning. 

And it’s because of that I find it hard to take Texas seriously as the top team in the country considering the two biggest fish on their grill play about as much defense as my grandfather’s nursing home flag football team.  If the Big 10 gets knocked because they play dive, dive, short pass offense, then the Big XII needs to be knocked for playing “ow, don’t hit me, that hurts” offense…something that will undoubtedly come back to bite them in the ass when it’s all said and done.

Look at a team like Penn State…if it wasn’t for Ohio State’s failures in the last two National Championship games, they’d be considered the best team in the country, because when I look at PSU next to Texas, it’s no contest who’s the better, more balanced team.  Penn State could play against anyone…all we know about Texas is that they can play against teams that can’t stop anyone.  I have no doubt in my mind that there isn’t a team in the Big XII that would’ve been able to play in Wisconsin against that physical of a defense before Wisconsin got physically wrecked by the Michigan, Ohio State, Penn State gauntlet.  Throwing the football is a double edged sword…big offense can lead to big turnovers and it’s always easier to rely on the ground game to churn clock and keep your defense fresh, but if the throwing game isn’t working?  It can get ugly quick…just ask Texas Tech.

And so ends the most subjective MLJ Stat of the Day…I’m wrecking this website, here, people…someone needs to write something that isn’t garbage…and soon, because I don’t know how much of my own bullshit I can take.

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