What a spooky day we had here at MLJ. Fetch recapped a college hockey score and suggested a name change for Quality start. Then he enlightened us all by informing us which college hockey arenas were the biggest in ‘Merica. I’m surprised anyone came back after that. Rex tried to save the day with a deliciously hilarious reference to last night’s Always Sunny. Moments later, Roman told us that the Mets had resigned a roid-head who has had 2 good seasons. (September Collapse III – coming in 2009!) Then I tried to save the day by posting the culmination of hours of hard work. What a fun, sexy time for you. A short time later, Roman again brought the house down by posting pictures of his cute-as-a-button kid. He also went on and on about something. I presume it was Philadelphia. Stigs played along and posted a video I didn’t watch. Hef complained about having to vote with people his own age. Then Donovan McNabb Elvin from The Cosby Show stopped by for a motivation McDonald’s plug. It was as full a day as you would expect from such a group of degenerates like us. (And Elvin) Read the rest of this entry »

Fantabulous Fridaylicious Footsplosive Weekend NFL Preview:  Hey guys, I’m Donovan McNabb, I play quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, and I’m here to tell you that you can, too, if you start every day with a hearty breakfast from McDonald’s, like the new sausage egg McGriddle value meal, available now, for a limited time, for under five dollars. Remember, guys, real champs eat at McDonald’s!…I’m lovin’ it.  Can I have the check?

Since it’s Halloween and I work with schools, it’s more or less a day off.  No one is available to take my calls due to their excessive godlessness so I don’t even really try to get any work done when we all know it ain’t gonna happen.  So instead of working I decided to try to be a responsible citizen.  So, after crawling out of bed at 5:30, getting HeJew ready for school and taking care of a few important tasks, I headed on over to the public library to get a little voting in.  First of all, let me say that the people who vote in this country are all vile individuals and should be put down with a decent rifle (mizerle, what does your hick ass recommend?). I’ve never seen so many elderly people piled into a single place that didn’t have bingo or soft, lukewarm food served cafeteria style.  Now this isn’t the first time old Heffy Hefflestein has voted.  That’s right, he voted for Lieberman in 2000, he voted for Goldfarb, he voted for Leibowitz, and he even voted for Hitler (I heard he was half Jewish).  But this was the first time I ever tried to vote outside my normal voting area.  This one is further west than normal, but it was the closest early voting site around.  Anyway, I get there and they tell me it’s gonna take 4 hours to vote.  C’mon, America.  Four hours?  What kind of communist nation are we living in?  How am I supposed to enjoy the day I took off if I have to hang out with the dregs of humanity for four hours trying to vote against the Presidential candidate who actually lives in this state?  My vote is about as meaningless as Fetch’s which about as horrible a realization I could ever have.  I mean, Fetch is a nobody.  Shouldn’t I get two votes to cancel out his one meaningless one?  What kind of world is it where I am equal to Fetch?  Miz, hand me that shotgun.

There’s Nothing to Click Here Read the rest of this entry »

Who says hockey fans are obnoxious? This lady takes it to a whole new level. How embarrassed would you be if this was your mother? I bet she has her face painted too. (Language NSFW)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbNZCID6TJg]

See her. That is my sweet baby girl all ready for Halloween and frankly with nowhere to go. Why? Well, beside the fact that she is 9 months old and is barely eating Cheerios, it is because we have pussified the sacred holiday of Halloween. Or All Hallows Eve for the religious. Over the years the media, overzealous educators and all sorts of stupid pussies who don’t like hurt feelings or anything fun or out of the normal have convinced the rest of us that sending our kids out into the evening to knock on neighbors doors and ask for candy is wrong. That putting them in costumes that might be scary or funny or clever is just wrong and will mess with their heads and make them bad people. That allowing them to get themselves into some sort of harmless mischief is the worst thing imaginable. Halloween is one of the great American institutions being ruined by the PC police. It doesn’t have to be but we seem to allow it. Why? Because most of us would rather give in than fight for our right to do what we want. Because they use tactics to make us feel guilty and wrong for allowing our kids to be kids. And because we don’t have the time to put up the good fight and it is easier to roll with the punches. Read the rest of this entry »

Today is the final day of the Halloween Fashion Preview. Quite frankly, I can only teach you so much. If you want to catch up, you can see all the sexy goodness at Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3. It’s totally worth your clicks.

Oh boy. It’s here. It’s actually here. It’s Halloween.

I went to one of those temporary Halloween stores last night. When I was there, I saw one of those girls. She was alright. A solid 6. Way back when, you wouldn’t have complained. She seemed like a normal girl. But she was holding this costume. Fuck and yes. This is just another girl. 364 days a year she gets a “not bad.” Tomorrow, she gets starred at.

It made me want to sing. It made me excited to go out tonight. I can post every picture in the world in this space, but it’s no substitute for the real thing. That’s why I kind of hate Fetch this weekend. Read the rest of this entry »

Listening to my prayers, the Mets wrapped up their most important signing of the offseason early. The Great Tatis will grace us with his presence for at least another year with a $1.7 million dollar deal. That should give him some scratch to build some more churches in his honor. It also means I get to wear my custom made Tatis Jersey T-shirt proudly in public for another season. Thank you Omar. May Tatis Bless You All.

Conspiracy Theory Friday:  If neither Pepe Silvia nor Carol in HR exist, exactly how far up the ladder does this thing go?

I think pretty soon I’m going to be locked out of the MLJ facilities. The last two Stats of the Day have been college hockey ones, but oh well. NickP was feeling a little down and he wanted me to find something Ohio State was first in, and it took awhile, but I finally did it. Today’s stat: Largest ice arenas in college hockey.

1. Schottenstein Center, Ohio State, 17,500

2. Kohl Center, Wisconsin, 15,682

3. Qwest Arena, Nebraska-Omaha, 14,700

4. Ralph Engelstad Arena, North Dakota, 11,406

5. Mariucci Arena, Minnesota, 9,700

Hey, baseball season is over. I don’t see why it’s still called quality start. E-mail Hef if you want the name changed.

Hey it’s Halloween folks. Drag yourself through your day at work and think about all the beer you get to drink tonight and all the young hotties you get to see at night. I’d look forward to a Monday edition of NTCH from Rex that will be Pulitzer worthy. In a related story, special thanks to CRM for his fashion preview. That was great, but probably tame compared to what I’ll see tonight.

I hope you can tell I’m just rambling, so I’ll end it and get to some action from last night.

Rockets 112, Mavs 102: Yao Ming had 30 points and 13 rebounds. Clearly he is better than Dwight Howard.

Cincinnati 24, South Florida 10: Some kid got run over by a Cincy receiver and got a football for his troubles, plus a hug from a Cincy wideout. The real prize, though, was an Erin Andrews interview.

Boston College 4, Merrimack 1: You’re welcome for the token college hockey score of the night.

Lightning 5, Sabres 2: Steven Stamkos scored his first 2 NHL goals, and I would highly recommend looking him up on YouTube.