Last One I Promise: OSU vs. USC

I know I promised the weed post today, but I’m having a debate with myself whether or not it’s a good idea because I’m paranoid (probably from the weed smoke…HI-YO) that my work might find out, so that might have to wait until after the weekend.  So in the meantime, I’m going to try and convince myself that Ohio State actually has a chance in hell against USC.  Off we go.

1. Mark Sanchez has started four games in his career:  But if you’ve read/heard/seen anything on ESPN, you’d think he’d have been a two-time Heisman winner.  Stop fooling yourselves people, if USC wins this game, it’s because of their defense and their running game, not Sanchez, some douchebag who’s had ONE good game against Notre Dame and ONE good game against a Virginia team that’s the worst conference in the BCS’ worst team.  Um…do you realize how much stock you’ve been putting in Sanchez’ performances against two teams that probably belonged in D-1AA?

2. USC doesn’t know jack shit:  Oh, they know jack shit, plenty of jack shit, but nothing about the Ohio State offense, since they’ve run all of 8 different plays all year.  USC doesn’t know if Beanie Wells is going to play or what Terrelle Pryor is going to do, something that COULD be beneficial if USC comes out flat. 

3. Don’t forget…USC is a Pac-10 team:  I have been getting in debates with a Pac-10 afficionado on TBL regarding that conference’s worth.  Frankly, I just don’t understand how anyone with a shred of football knowledge can call that a decent conference.  Pac-10 supporters point to their 10-6 record vs. the SEC in the BCS era, but stop fooling yourselves…they’ve LSU twice, and lost both, and USC played Auburn twice, and the rest of the matchups were the ‘Bama’s, Miss State’s, Arkansas’ and Tennessee’s of the cofnerence…OOOOOOOO.

The Pac-10 should be renamed Tuna-10 because the odor eminating from their collective crotches is the distinct aroma of some good Ahi Ahi.  Seriously, there is ONE team, USC, in the conference that actually plays something that resembles a defense, and the other, Oregon, has a few up years and down years.  Arizona State?  Really?  Did you watch them against USC last year?  Blech.  Cal?  HAHAHAHA.  They were ranked no. 2 in the country last year before they plummeted with a choke-job of epic proportions.  UCLA will be great in a year or two, but right now, we’re as talented as their starting QB.

Face it, Oregon State, Washington, Washington State, Arizona…these teams are awful to a humiliating degree, and even though Arizona laid a shellacking on some scrub school, Mike Stoops’ tenure there has been embarassing at best. 

4. Ohio State doesn’t have any expectations:  Do I need to bring out The Map again?  Needless to say, the rest of the country doesn’t have the highest of hopes.

5. USC’s OL and WR corps are young, inexperience and untested:  This is an issue.  USC has a stable full of the best running backs money can buy…haha, how does it feel?  An OSU fan can make that joke now in the country, all of which bring different things to the table and can attack in a variety of ways.  But they rely on a strong passing attack and great blocking in order to be at their best.  Sure, the USC WR’s looked fantastic against Virginia, but it was Virginia.  Hell, the ACC is so bad at this point, OSU might have faced a better opponent last week in a MAC team, that’s how bad it’s become on the right coast. 

The OL is a little iffy though.  They lost a good chunk of experience from last year, and facing a 3-4 defense that Virginia runs is not the best way to prepare for a largely nickle-based defense with blitzers coming from the secondary.  And even if that were the case, Virginia isn’t throwing the caliber of players that OSU has at them.

6. USC isn’t Florida or LSU:  Florida runs a gimmicky offense.  If ANY of their players are successful at the next level, frankly, I’ll be shocked.  LSU is a different story.  Last year’s team was fucking l.o.a.d.e.d.  They were stacked to the hilt with experience, talent and a tailor made scheme, something that ANY defense would have trouble stopping.  I’m not making excuses here, but OSU got beat because they don’t get exposed to those kinds of offenses on a regular basis.  It was like a bunch of Europeans coming over here and facing off against Kobe and LeBron with NBA officials.

Which is why USC’s offense doesn’t scare me nearly as much as LSU’s did (I won’t lie, I totally looked past Florida…just like the whole Ohio State team. /rimshot).  USC runs a more pro-style, spready thing, something Ohio State SHOULD be able to see coming and will have some good film on, and they don’t have to worry about Mark Sanchez being Tim Tebow, Matt Flynn or Ryan Perrilloux. 

7. For some reason, this feels like the Miami game:  Like I mentioned before, in 2006 I was cocky, frankly, a douchebag.  In 2007, I still was overly confident, but that was because I was sick to death of hearing every little fucking thing from SEC fans, and not even LSU fans, fans from SEC schools that lost like 6 games.  Fuck that.

I remember back in January of 2003, when OSU played Miami in the Fiesta Bowl.  I would’ve been happy if the Bucks didn’t lose by 30.  Hell, i would’ve been happy anyways because we fuckin’ got a giant sheet pizza, a bunch of those old, thick Tostitos chips for dipping that I can’t find anywhere anymore, and a bunch of burrito bowls from Chipotle…we ate like kings that night, lawya, KINGS.

Anyways, this is a parallel of that game, almost to a T.  Good defense?  Check.  Banged up running back?  Check.  Shitty QB who can’t move?  Check…God damnit…remember when I said I didn’t want a QB controversy between Boeckman and Terrelle Pryor?  Well, there isn’t one, Terrelle Pryor is the better QB.  There’s just SOMETHING about the way I feel right now that makes me believe that something decent is going to happen. 

Usually before big Ohio State games, I’m a whirling dervish of emotions, running the gamut from elated euphoria to desolate depression and any other alliterations that come to mind (though lately, they’ve always ended with Sad Spencey), and this year’s has been no exception.  The only difference is, that normally, I talk myself into thinking that OSU has a chance in hell.  This year…not so much. 

It’s not that I’ve given up on Tressel, God forbid, that’ll never happen, but I’m close to giving up on Bollman and Heacock.  The thing that disturbs me the most in the blowout NC losses, is how grossly out of position the team was, almost to the point where it looked like they hadn’t watched a single tape before the game.  And that’s where I have a glimmer of hope…I think that Tressel is going to be so fired up that he’ll take over everything, as to save his name from the public scorn, because Bollman and Heacock have shown that they’re so fucking bland, you might as well rename them Lloyd and Carr.

8. It’s not fun being hated: Sigh…it’s not that I crave acceptance, far from it, it’s just that I really don’t like being on the ass end of every single joke regarding my favorite sport.  There isn’t much more I like that getting into a well-spoken debate with a few other people regarding various college football teams, and frankly, when you’re team has shat the bed in such glorious fashion as the Buckeyes have, it’s hard to tread water, you know what I mean?

Hell, Ohio State’s reputation to begin with is about as sullied as it gets thanks to the John Cooper years.  Despite Tressel turning around the program’s image, cultivating a family environment, drastically reducing the number of player incidents, and forging an identity for the program, Ohio State is too often referred to as O$U.  The fans, once a menacing, mean, aggressive, collection of dickheads running around in the most arrogant fashion imaginable, have calmed down, and tried to be civil and respectful, definitely humbled by the last two years. 

And what has that gotten us?  An even bigger slap to the face.  No longer is Ohio State, and it’s fans, a hated, but respected program, far from it.  Now, Ohio State is a running punchline, a pretender of a program who acts and looks the part, but doesn’t perform.  Ohio State is a laughingstock, a program that should just fold up and call it a history, not even bothering anymore.  OSU is on the level of teams like Wake Forest and South Florida, miles and miles away from being named with the USC’s, Florida’s and LSU’s of the world, and frankly, it’s beaten me down to the point where I have nothing more to say.

9. Whatever happens, at least Michigan sucks more fierce than anyone could ever imagine:  Thank God.

Yes, I realize that 99% of our readers could give 10 shits less about Ohio State, but indulge me.  I don’t ask for a whole lot in life, just let me sound off and rant a little.  It’s been a trying week for me and this weekend is going to be one of the most stressful of my sports veiwing life, I just needed to vent. 

So…thanks for playing.

Final, Ultimate Prediction based off all the transgressions of the last week…

Ohio State 24, USC 22