Sigh…
USC is a great team. There I said it. Sure, I think the Pac-10 plays the most vagina sniffing brand of football in the country and the fact that USC actually has a defense is the only reason they’ve been successful in conference (I don’t believe this at all, but I’m sticking with it), but USC is stacked. They truly are a national power, and I understand that Ohio State has worn the crap out of their welcome a million times over.
As you recall, I previously predicted that the Buckeyes would win a close game, but now, I just don’t have any confidence in that at all. I’ve tried convincing myself a hundred times over that the only reason the Ohio game was close was because the Bucks were saving all their variety for the USC game, and that they didn’t want to risk losing Beanie or Pryor, but I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I was wrong.
See, I consider myself objective to the core, someone who looks at things as they are and analyzes situations based on the most rational, even keeled basis possible. I tried to rationalize the fact that USC is a vastly overrated team playing in a pussified conference, but in the end, all I ended up doing was grasping for air. So instead of this being a preview of sorts, I’m going to do the exact opposite…I’m going to call out every other “powerhouse” in college football and make fun of their queer asses. Why? Because they deserve it.
University of Texas: Wow, you guys have so much room to insult the Buckeyes, you really do. Oh wait, that’s right…you get waxed every year by Oklahoma and can’t beat a Texas A&M team that is so fucking awfully coached, Mack Brown looks like a capable manager even in a loss. That’s impressive. Not only that, you really looked great in your BCS bowl apprearances ever since Vince Young left…oops, another error on my part. Why don’t you avoid losing 3 games per year without a savior before you start insulting a much better program?
University of Florida: Please slow down, real quick, I know that’s hard for you, what with your SEC Speed and all, but may I please point out that you’re fans are a bunch of sun bleached, jort wearing fuckstains who are rooting for a dude who grabbed Filipino penis all summer? A dude you hail as a God, yet still lost 4 games last year, including one to a Michigan team that was fucking atrocious in every aspect of the game. I’d say you have a lot to be proud of, what with your convincing win in the 2006 National Championship game, but you probably can’t read this, so I’m just wasting sapce.
University of Tennessee, Miami, Florida State, Nebraska, and Alabama: Please become relevant again, then talk.
University of Oklahoma: Don’t you feel just a little bit hypocritical insulting Ohio State when…lets see…got smoked by LSU, got smoked by USC, got beat by fucking BOISE STATE, then got embarassed by West Virginia? Then again, if I had to look out my window and see nothing but flat land scorched by the sun, I’d hate my life too and ignore details like this.
LSU: Can you stop deep frying a housecat for a second and listen up? Yes, you beat us fair…oh, I can’t hate on LSU, they’re the best. And I’m being serious…LSU fuckin’ rocks.
University of Georgia: Which game are you going to blow ruining any chances for a NC visit? I mean, you do it every single year, without fail, so which one is it gonna be? Hmm? I like your seersucker shorts and your visor, you have an original look there! Shouldn’t you be watching NASCAR and drinking Keystone right now?
University of Auburn: Is it Auburn University or U of A? Who knows? All I know is that nobody outside of Alabama gives a shit about your school. What’s the worst part about winning the Iron Bowl? Even if you win, you’re still retarded. And fat. And stuck in Alabama. I’m from Ohio and if I think Alabama is a shithole, well then shit, your state sucks all sorts of fierce.
You know what? I fucking can’t stand this shit. The Buckeyes are National Enemy no. 1, in front of Kim Jong Il, Osama, fuckin’ China and all sorts of other shit, and why? Because you dumb fucks have to take it out on somebody because your teams don’t have enough balls to actually win enough games to be put into this position. Seriously, shut the fuck up already.
I think OSU is gonna get waxed. There, are you fucking happy? Jesus tapdancing Christ, I hope that makes you little bitches happy. “God, OSU sucks so much ass.” You know what? I don’t see your schools scheduling USC. “But our conferences are tough!!!” Give me a fucking break. The Big XII and Pac-10 have one team that matters, the SEC has two. Each conference has the same number of good teams, and don’t give me any bullshit saying otherwise, because frankly, you’re wrong, and if you even try to argue, you’re an even bigger idiot that I originally gave you credit for.
And I fully understand that shit like this is the reason that Ohio State fans get a bad rap, but it’s warranted. What’s the worst that can happen? It’s not like there are any blue states on that map other than Ohio anyways, so what the fuck do I care? OSU is better than 98% of your teams, but you just can’t handle the truth…and despite the fact that the Bucks have lost two NC games back to back, that still makes them better than 98% of your teams because 98% of your teams weren’t even close to being in cosideration for one of those two spots to begin with. So perhaps isntead of making fun of OSU, you should be look at why your teams suck, because, trust me, they do. Hey, don’t blame us, blame yourselves, oh wait, I’m sorry, that would mean you aren’t a bunch of boner holstering retards. I gave you too much credit.
Get off our fucking asses and start criticizing your own teams like YOU SHOULD BE DOING. And if you think they’d roll through the Big 10, then feel free to schedule Penn State, Wisconsin and Michigan for your OOC schedule. Do it, show some fucking balls. Until then, shut your bitch mouths and don’t lose to the Texas A&M’s and the South Carolina’s of the world.
Now that I’ve settled down, let me tell you about the next few days. Tomorrow will be a preview of the USC offense agains the Ohio State defense and on Thursday, it’ll be the opposite. Friday will be my ultimate preview post, and if you don’t like it, you can lick my salty bag.
HT map Pic: Dr. Saturday
what a slap to michigan. they don’t even make the list of teams no longer relevant.
See..we do other sports
RWH-I want a big piece from you, on the awesomeness of Justin Tuck
m-a-i-l-e-d i-n a-n-a-l-y-s-i-s.
(by the way, Tennessee does deserve to have their queer asses made fun of!)
sparty…all is possible…most will happen…I am still working my way back into the swing of things…that and I have a shit pile of work
RWH-i know you will not disappoint.
mizerle…is it not true though?
that Tennessee needs to become relevant then? Yes, that is true. They also deserve to be made fun of until they are relevant again but I think everybody has just kida brushed them aside.
I was just giving you a hard time with the “mailed in analysis” pip. the most obvious sign of a team’s demise is whether opposing fans consider the team relevant enough to bash. when that answer becomes “not relevant enough,” then the demise is in full swing.
what I meant to say.
Better question: When was Tennessee relevant?
Texas lost to second-tier A&M two years ago and was rightfully left out of the BCS picture. Last year, Ohio State lost to second-tier Illinois, and they were able to backdoor their way into a BCS title game.
It’s them getting debacled against legitimate teams or dominating an FCS conference and still getting to the title game – that’s why they get so much national hate. Also, the whole unjust pass interference flag against Miami.
@hawkeye – funny you ask; we are celebrating the 10th anniversary of relevancy this year.
Seriously, this is some of the funniest shit that I have read in a long time (in a good way). I laughed out loud several times at some of the jokes. The flaming finger is classic.
You could have spent more time on Miami bc there is so much to pick on there. And FSU? C’mon, those fans a so delusional that they deserve a beating as well.
Here’s where you lost me (ie, sounded like a total OSU delusional fucktard):
“Each conference has the same number of good teams, and don’t give me any bullshit saying otherwise, because frankly, you’re wrong, and if you even try to argue, you’re an even bigger idiot that I originally gave you credit for.”
I’m from ACC land (which I decried as the biggest mistake in Miami football history years ago) where we have exactly ZERO good teams, but you can’t make this claim with a straight face unless said face has a ton of your own feces on it (the obvious implication being that you shoved your head EXTREMELY far up your own ass).
Oh yeah, what clown said about the flag. You have one hollow MNC. VERY hollow.
clown…but illinois made it to a BCS game, A&M is as middling as it gets. them getting debacled? so twice then? they come a coaching-decision-cunt-hair from beating Vince and the Horns and that’s their only other high-profile loss. and believe it or not, there are other teams other than OOC opponents…wisky, PSU, michigan.
and at least OSU BEATS the “FCS” competition. and if you think the bucks would lose to Kansas State and Texas A&M, you’re misguided.
this hollow?
i don’t know how you can just ignore that evidence…or say that “they shouldn’t have called anything rather than call it late.” it was the righ call.
and Re: ACC…i was only talking about conferences taht matter…which is why there aren’t any Big East teams named either.
What about Rutgers? Oh right…
Spencer you’re amongst friends, just because you stole a national title doesn’t mean you have to defend it.
everyone…im sorry if im a little snippy…it’s been (and is going to be) a rough two weeks of football.
i guess spencer didn’t see my morning post.
Illinois was about as deserving of a BCS bid as Notre Dame two years before.
really? which top 5 team did ND beat that year? on the road no less?
sparty…that was a nice article you linked to at Fox Sports and sums it up perfectly.
if the bucks get smoked, i don’t think i’ll be able to talk any more college football for a long, long while. if/when OSU loses, there will be the death of my grandfather, 9/11 and saturday in terms of complete and utter dismay.
@clown: Is the Big 12 going to have to worry about Baylor in a couple of years? Robert Griffin looked as awesome as a true frosh can in his first start. Yeah, it was Northwester St., but it has been 20 years since the Bears have beat anyone like that. How is this relevant to one of many Ohio state universities? Because Griffin was ranked right behind Pryor as the best dual threat QB last year in HS.
/One game kneejerk reaction to an 18 year old kid, where could that go wrong?
I’m not sure who you are referring to – no one the Irish beat that year finished ranked.
clown…exactly my point. last year illinois went into the Shoe and beat a top 5 team. that’s a nice piece to have on your bowl game resume therefore…
2007 illinois > 2005/6 ND
@spence: KU’s loss in the Border War made me lose my mind, literally. I watched the game everyday on DVR for about three months(it finally got erased in April), and paid no attention to our Orange Bowl game. Nothing mattered because we lost to Mizzou. I stopped commenting at TBL in Nov. after the game, and gave up the internet entirely until April. Only the b-ball NC brought me back to sanity. I don’t think I can/will/ or even should care as much about a game as much as that game last year.
AssHawk, I’m hearing good things about Griffin. I may try to finagle some tix to that game in November so I can see him firsthhand.
So you bitch about Pats fans and them bitching about success and then turn around and write this (albeit funny) piece?
when did i say anything about pats’ fans? all i said was vrabel, bruschi and brady were douchebags.
spence, your last post demonsrates that you need to get your priorities in order. I was in NYC on 9/11 and UM’s loss to OSU (or any loss for that matter) doesn’t even come close to that. Or my grandparents for that matter.
As for the right call, I can cite rules, twist them around and manipulate facts with the best of them. But I won’t. The point is that they both ostensibly committed penalties during the play (I know, poor defenseless Gamble was just protecting himself from the big bad Sharpe) so you let it go when a MNC is on the line.
guru…i hope you didn’t take me seriously.
the Pats fan gheybashing? that was me.
spence, I did only bc I feel that you’re in a state of delerium over OSU.
You haven’t addressed the point about how in God’s name the Big Deuce, I mean Ten, has as many good teams as the SEC. To quote you: “you’re misguided”.
You play creampuffs (regardless of this USC or the UT blips) and it lets you sneak your team’s sorry ass into the title game more often than it should.
your right, you said the org, not the fans. accept the olive branch of I think the bucks can cover.
guru…in 2002, the b10 was the toughest conference in the nation. and wisky, PSU, and Michigan are hardly creampuffs.
speaking of OOC…if OSU only plays creampuffs, then why did they even schedule USC or UT in the first place? or agree to play a home-and-home with Oklahoma, Miami and Tennessee in the next few years?
sterling…branch accepted. tho, the more and more i look at it, the less i think they can cover.
spence, OSU needs to schedule those sorts of OOC opponents. They should get kudos for doing so, but not for getting to the BCS Title game because they lose those OOC games early and then run the table versus inferior talent.
Say what you want about OSU, but their consistent recruiting of talent is undeniable. And it will be that talent that will make them even more of a disappointment when they lose to USC, run the table and then get bitch slapped…..AGAIN…..in the title game by [INSERT NAME OF OPPONENT HERE SINCE THE NAME IS NOT RELEVANT].
Thanks for playing.
guru…that’s just total bullshit.
USC gets a free pass because they play such “powerhouses” like Oregon (blech), Cal (blech blech), ASU (good golf team) and UCLA? fuck that. they have the same bullshit schedule OSU does, and that’s why they schedule games like this.
what team, other than Texas and maybe T-Tech does Oklahoma play that’s worth a damn?
and i think you heavily underestimate PSU and Wisky.
thanks for the reminder. I need to put it down on my calendar to hate you about this time of year in 2018 and 2019.
mizerle…the only question i want an answer to is, “will you be wearing hunting gear while watching the game?”
I do not underestimate any Big Deuce team bc they all suck.
And you fail to address the SEC as usual.
You are obviously correct about USC. But they beat the OSU’s of the world and then read their own press clippings and shit the bed while the gritty Buttholes get their shit together vs tough opponents like PSU.
Again, I thank you for playing.
im not saying anything about the SEC, they’re the measuring stick all other conferences are measured by.
this is going to go on the rest of the week so im gonna save some for tomroow.
surprisingly, spencer, I don’t hunt so I don’t really have hunting gear. I may have a pair of orange coveralls on though. will that suffice?
that’ll more than suffice.
do those come in scarlet?
and shit, i have no room to talk…i bet there’s just as much hunting gear at a browns game as there is at Rocky Top.
Having taken a trip to Knoxville, all I can say is that I don’t want to go back. Ever.
We did whoop the ever loving shit out of them of course. On thier field. In front of 100K rednecks.
this is the best I can do. I might be able to get you a discount with my Bass Pro VIP card.
why? it’s actually a really nice college town. were you treated bad by some of the locals? was that 2002 in the rain when Casey Clausen fumbled the snap about 349 times?
Cabela’s > Bass Pro Shops
/never hunted or fished in my life
you don’t have to be a hunter to know that. Cabela’s has cooler/better shit.
It was ‘02. I was blitzed and don’t recall rain. I just recall an ass beating.
The locals were fine. I just thought it was kind of a dump–especially the bar scene. Had the same impression of Norman last year.
the bar scene sucks in Knoxville after a loss.
potentially like the bar scene in Miami after we waxed some Cane ass in ‘03?
‘03 was bad.
And by “waxed,” I think you meant “benefitted from Cane offensive ineptitude.”
I volunteer to guest post on “Best College Football Destinations”. Gainesville definitely makes the cut.
guru…email me at spencer09600@gmail.com
i’m making an executive decision here people…i move to make this guest post happen.
As the boss…I am very cool with this
spence, my personal email is blocked at work so will email from home.
And I will need input for the post. For eg, never been to Columbus but have heard of outrageousness (in a good way). Also, how could you go wrong at the largest outdoor cocktail party? Unfortunately, I’ve not had the pleasure. Also, I would propose NO rankings. That’s right, NONE! You can’t fight about fun, you just can’t.
This is your oppotunity to be heard people!
guru…awesome. send me an email later this evening or whenever you want and we’ll get some shit down.
mizerle, sparty, clown, AzHawk, ANYONE…if you have any input…send it along.
guru, it will be cool to read your opinion of the “best college campuses for a football experience” and it will be a good forum for other people to express their own opinions.