Getting to Know: The Chicago White Sox

In an effort to diversify the coverage of the teams here at Major League Jerk, I am going to provide a regular series called “Getting to Know”. My intent is to interview a fan of a team and ask them what we need to know about that team. If you want to be the first one on your block to be interviewed by me, the Great RomanWarHelmet, please send an e-mail to majorleaguejerk@gmail.com and put Roman in the subject. Well, this edition should be a special treat, for Hef. When embarking on my journey to get to know every team in the Major Leagues, I put up the Jerk signal for help in my quest. So far I have interviewed a Long Island guy about the Braves, an Arkansas guy who grew up in Wisconsin about the Cardinals, a guy who grew up in Chicago but moved to Milwaukee about the Cubs and a few other guys that actually live in close proximity to their teams. Not that any of this should matter, it takes a real fan to not live anywhere near his team and still follow it religiously. Right? Right. So with that said we found a guy who grew up in New Jersey (America’s armpit, home of the no left hand turn) to talk about the White Sox. But it is not just anybody. It is internet celebrity Dave Lozo of davelozo.com. Well maybe internet celebrity is a bit strong. I will say internet gadfly and observer of all things sports and not sports. Whatever that hell that means. Anyway check his site, it is unique. Who else would prattle on endlessly about some chick’s vagina and how it needs more TV time? Me probably, but Hef won’t allow it so I let Dave carry the water for us all. OK. Enough with the shenanigans. Let’s get to know…The Chicago White Sox.

As always I like to find out what makes the fan tick. To do so I need to find out how they became a fan, how they follow the team and how they interact with the team’s fanbase. So I start off by asking Dave, how did he become a White Sox fan? (Dave Lozo’s words are in bold)

I was 10 when I first saw Field of Dreams. Absolutely loved that movie and Shoeless Joe Jackson. It grew from there.

Really though, Frank Thomas was my favorite player when I was little, so I started following the White Sox because of him.

No, seriously. Jack McDowell did a card show around here when I was little, and he signed my card, “You should play Blackjack.”

The truth is, I don’t know how. I just am. I don’t remember ever making a conscious decision to become a fan of the team. I hate that question, so I make up an answer to people because, “I don’t know, I just am,” never satisfies them. Why doesn’t anyone ask why you’re a fan of a team if that team is from your area? Because you’re a mindless zombie? No. You just are. I just am. I’m deep.

OK. Way to debunk my favorite fucking question. I have lovely stories about sitting on my grandfather’s knee and learning about baseball. But I live on Long Island and love the Mets so I am a mindless zombie? I guess you must be sensitive to that question. I understand. So how do you follow the White Sox?

I’ve got the package, so I watch them whenever I can. Ha. The package. Sorry. I used to work nights and weekends, so it never made sense to get the package until now. Back then, I’d mix in game casts, the occasional game on WGN or ESPN, or just hit a sports bar if it was a big enough game. I try to see a game when they come here for the Yankees. I’m going to a game in September this year. Did you know in the long and storied history of the interleague play, the White Sox have never played at Shea Stadium? True story. What I’d give to be able to not have to watch a White Sox game in the Bronx.

Well, it will never happen now that the Cathedral in Flushing is being torn down. But maybe the White Sox can play in Citi Field? Maybe we can go together and have a beer and be pals? Or maybe not. So with only seeing your beloved team in the Bronx and on TV how do you interact with the fan base and do you know of any traditions they adhere too?

I really don’t interact with the fan base. I used to post on a Sox message board. Two, actually. One of them actually kicked me off because in a game thread, I expressed displeasure with Mark Buehrle during a bad start against the A’s in Oakland. This was during the time when the White Sox and Buehrle just couldn’t beat the A’s. I posted something like, “Man, I’m so sick of how we play against these guys.” I got banned. For that. Then I started posting on another one, but this board had two idiots for every one intelligent poster. It was awful. People are the worst. I interact with myself. The only traditions we adhere to are assaulting first-base coaches and umpires. The wife-beater is strictly optional.

You got banned for being upset over losing to the A’s? Weak Sauce. I comment over on Metsblog and trust me that place exists to be negative. Unless you are a backup second baseman. The Met backup second baseman has replaced the backup QB of the Giants or Jets as the favorite person in town. I thought there was going to be a riot when Ruben Gotay was released and now Our Heinous Reyes is like the wunderkind. Oh, wait. Right. The White Sox. We are talking about the White Sox. OK, so we learned White Sox fans are sensitive and love to attack the first base coach. Good Stuff. So give me an overview of this year’s team.

It’s been a weird season. Almost nothing has gone as expected. Paul Konerko’s been awful, Jim Thome’s been below average, Nick Swisher’s been a disappointment. But guys like Carlos Quentin, John Danks and Gavin Floyd have been ridiculously good. Heck, even though Joe Crede’s back acted up again, when he was healthy, and not in the field, he was having a nice offensive season, something you couldn’t exactly count on after last year. Even Jose Contreras has been serviceable. I like to think the decline of the surprise guys will be offset by the usually steady guys getting better. The Twins really don’t scare me. The Tigers didn’t scare me in April, so they definitely don’t know. To paraphrase Morpheus, I’m beginning to believe.

Then we go out and get Ken Griffey Jr. and we manage to lose two games in the standings in three days. I really can’t begin to tell you how pointless and not helpful I think that deal is. Plus, while it doesn’t seem like we gave up a lot, Nick Masset is better than Ehren Wassermann. He’s not Mariano Rivera, but with Scott Linebrink for about another three weeks, I consider Masset more valuable and necessary than Griffey. How can you have your setup man go down, and not consider that priority No. 1? If Contreras gets hurt again, then what? More Clayton Richard? Which means more D.J. Carrasco? When you look to your bullpen and D.J. Carrasco and Ehren Wassermann are out there, it might be a more pressing need than center field. It’s like Kenny’s priorities at the deadline were:

1. Seeing Ken Griffey in a White Sox uniform
2. Being able to hang out with Ken Griffey
3. Getting to do a press conference with Ken Griffey
4. Touching Ken Griffey
5. Relief pitching

Who wouldn’t want to hang out with Ken Griffey Jr.? He is a first ballot Hall of Famer. I totally get this trade. If it was 1999. Anywho, are there any players who don’t get enough media attention either good or bad?

Carlos Quentin’s hair is getting overlooked. Ever see that dude cap-less? His hair looks like it snaps on. Like those creepy people in those old Duracell commercials. All the talk I ever heard about Floyd was that is horrible K/BB ratio would catch up to him. Well, it’s August, and he’s rolling along. No one ever mentions him anymore. It’s the White Sox, so I don’t expect media BJ pieces. You had to be paying really close attention in 2005 or you might’ve missed the fact they won the World Series.

Not that Raj wants to be considered the media, but his season long blowjob of Gavin Floyd has to count for something. Right? Well, you touched on this a bit but what do think of the jobs that Kenny Williams and Ozzie Guillen are doing?

Depends on the day of the week. I think Ozzie’s gotten better since 2005, actually. I remember in his first couple years, he left starters in to throw 100 pitches no matter how bad things were going. He seemed to have a hard time managing the pen. But this year, he’s actually been better. I hated how he handled things a couple years ago when Jon Garland didn’t retaliate with a beanball against the Rangers, openly ripping the guy who helped carried him to a World Series the year before. It’s probably part of the reason he got dealt to the Angels. Which brings me to Kenny. Personally, I think the guy is an idiot. Everyone is lauding him for getting Quentin, but come on. That’s pure luck. He’s had a few deals shake out. Getting Scott Podsednik for Carlos Lee looks great because the Sox won the Series in 2005, but Pods is long gone and Lee is mashing 30 homers a year still. Giving up the farm for Swisher is looking pretty bad so far. Roberto Alomar, Todd Ritchie, Billy Koch, David Wells. Yeah, he’s gotten guys like Matt Thornton and Bobby Jenks for nothing, but he’s caused more harm than good in his time.

And like I said, Griffey as the only deadline move is terrible.

Yeah Roberto Alomar. You got him after his awful decline in a Met uniform. So that makes that deal even worse. Really, really worse. Just terrible. OK, but I digress, are there any guys in the minors that we should know about? How does the White Sox future look?

The farm became a little depleted after the Swisher deal. We gave up Gio Gonzalez and Fautino de los Santos. Could I recognize those guys if they passed me on the street? Absolutely not. But I heard good things. Chris Carter’s supposed to be decent, but I was never a big fan of the X Files. Jack Egbert’s a Jersey guy with a live arm. Lance Broadway could be a good pitcher. I mean, it’s the minors. I don’t get too concerned over it. I know the names. Does Josh Fields still count at this point?

No, Josh Fields doesn’t count. I drafted that asshammer in my fantasy draft only to find out about the return of Crede. Now, I know nothing about any of the other guys you mentioned but Gio Gonzalez will not be anything, neither with Jack Egbert. Faustino de los Santos and Lance Broadway will be stars. How do I know? Look at those names. Will anybody be remembered as the immortal Jack Egbert? But if you are in Game 7 of the World Series and your starter is named Faustino de los Santos, you are pumped. A head line like “The Lights are Bright on Broadway!” is a given. OK, enough with the silliness. How do you deal with the “second team” status? Is it total shit or just partial shit?

Man, I’m from Jersey. That status means nothing to me. I imagine if I grew up in Chicago and had to listen to how awesome the Cubs are and that sort of thing, it might bother me. But I’m detached from that stuff. It’s kinda nice, actually.

Is Hawk Harrelson the worst homer in sports? I have been subjected to him, don’t lie.

During my first season with MLB Extra Innings, I have come to learn that everyone is a homer. Everyone. I don’t know what worst means, but he’s definitely the most open about it. “Come on, Timo,” to this day remains one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard an announcer say during a game. I can see how it would piss off people and that’s OK. But Hawk’s my guy, so I love him. Besides, he’s the first to say negative things about the Sox when things are going badly. He’s a homer, but he’s not a guy like Michael Kay who will never say a bad thing about the Yankees during a game or pretend he’s objective.

So yes. “Come on Timo” makes you the worst homer. It’s science. Last question, what do you think of Frank Thomas? Is he a Hall of Famer and how do White Sox fans feel about him?

Love Frank. Still my favorite all-time Sock. He’s a first-ballot Hall of Famer. There was no more feared hitter in the game during his prime. I’m pretty sure Sox fans still love him, even though he did appear to be kind a of prick behind the scenes. But hey, I don’t have to sit in the locker next to him, so what do I care? If Carl Everett can get me a World Series partly because he believes dinosaurs never existed, hey, fuck dinosaurs then.

Fuck Dinosaurs indeed. Thanks Dave. I still think you had the best take on the Brett Favre situation.