Dear Hef

You're Welcome

Dear Hef,

We did it! We swept a four game set from those annoying Dodgers, just like you asked. When I got your email the other day, I was skeptical. I had just returned from the DL because of a back injury, and I wasn’t sure how much I could contribute this weekend. Plus, Greg Dobbs had been filling in nicely at 3rd, so I wasn’t sure how much playing time I would get. I felt for most of the weekend, but things got better midway through Sunday night’s game. That’s why I wasnt in the starting lineup. Around the 7th inning, I told Uncle Chollie I was ready to go. So he inserted me into the lineup via double switch (Thank God he got it right this time). I was totally thinking of you in the 9th when I hit that bloop single to tie the game. Right before I stepped into the box in the 11th inning, I got that text message from you (Hit it for Hef!), and it gave me goosebumps. I felt so nervous, I nearly pissed my pants at the on-deck circle. I had never been asked to hit a homer for anyone before. Plus, I was shtting bricks because I kinda figured they would throw anything but a fastball, I knew I would let you down. Luckily, Joe Torre hadn’t been able to read up on my scouting report. That’s why Jason Johnson grooved a first pitch fastball on the inside part of the plate. Shit, I thought EVERYONE knew I couldn’t hit an off speed pitch. I’m worse than Pedro Cerrano for fuck’s sake. After the bat connected with the ball, it was a joyous time as I hadn’t hit a walk-off homer ever in my career. I was so happy that night that I didn’t get a chance to email you back. I figured, why not just wait til we take the 4th game of the series. No thanks needed. Just root for us to make the playoffs.

You’re Welcome,

Pedro Feliz

P.S. Nice job with the Marlins, asshole.