I love big-market fanbases, I really do.  They think just because a lot of people follow that particular team, that, no matter what, that team should be awesome.  And because there’s a shit-ton of them, and they tend to be vociferous, media types are not too inclined to insulting said teams in their outlets out of fear that the fanbase will fill their Inboxes with hate mail.  This sums up the NFC East to a tee…there’s one great team, one decent team, and two teams who are so loaded with question marks, it’d be hard to consider them anything special.

The NFC East, of course, is home to the fiercest rivals in all the NFL.  Despite the fact I think these teams are perennially overrated, they all truly hate each other’s guts, and that’s endearing.  And they have all been pretty competent teams in the recent past, so it’s not like they’re all garbage, but going into 2008 I just don’t see how this division matches up with the AFC South in terms of how ”the best division” argument is stacked.

Hey, I appreciate the NFC East, well, I appreciate every team in the NFC East except for the Eagles, whom I loathe like few other organizations.  And it’s not even the team or players, it’s the organization…the Eagles are a bunch of cold motherfuckers, and what they did to TO, a guy who signed a waiver saying the team wasn’t responsible for any further injury the guy could suffer after coming back from a BROKEN LEG to play in the Super Bowl, and not only play, but arguably be the best player on the field…was bullshit (disclaimer: I’m a huge TO fan and was on his side all throughout the Eagles debacle).  Fuck the Eagles, I hope they never win a Super Bowl…not only does the organization not deserve it, the fans don’t deserve it by being a bunch of whiny bitches. 

How the fuck could anyone not take TO’s side on that?  Jesus Christ.

Let’s do this…

Dallas Cowboys:  You’re fooling yourself if you don’t think they’re the best team in this division.  What’d they have, 13 Pro Bowlers last year?  A loaded defense and a loaded offense?  You know, I’d almost think they were Super Bowl contenders…but they aren’t until they fill some MAJOR holes.

Why is Roy Williams still playing in the secondary?  Why haven’t the Cowboys realized he can’t cover ANYTHING?  He’s a linebacker for fuck’s sake, why isn’t he playing at MLB?  And you wouldn’t even have to change his number, just say he’s a SS still and play him as an MLB, there’s really no fucking difference…just get him the fuck out of any position where he has to make sure some guy isn’t going to catch a pass…Jesus Tapdancing Christ.

Two: Who’s their 3rd option behind TO and Witten (despite my undying love for Lt. Winslow…Witten is the best TE in football until Gates shows he’s healthy)?  Patrick Crayton?  I don’t like him against any decent CB.  Sam Hurd?  That was more a joke than anything and highlighting the ridiculous lack of depth they have.  Then again, Double J is crazy and if he can convince the Cardinals to allow him to take Boldin off their hands then shit, they’re Super Bowl favorites.

Three:  Is Tony Romo a good QB?  I realize that his numbers would say “yes,” but his playoff performances, hell, his performances against decent defenses would say “shit, no.”  I’m in the “undecided” camp.  Sure, he looks all-World sometimes, and think he can be something special, but he does look ADD a lot of the time.  DId he spend too much time golfing this summer and not enough time learning the playbook?  What about the Jessica thing?  Will his contract make him soft?  He did look a little pudgy during all the golf tourneys he was playing in.  Just saying…2008 is a big year for Tony.

Prediction:  Still give up way too many big plays, but DeMarcus Ware, Marion Barber and TO are still on the Cowboys, so they’ll be in the playoffs easy.  From there?  Your guess is as good as mine.  12-4.

World Champion New York Giants:  There’s not much more I can say about their Super Bowl performance which had me in my seat jumping up and down like a little girl.  That was fucking awesome for the entire, non-New England country, so…thanks. 

There are a lot of things to like about this team, starting with their offensive line, which as a unit (to my eyes) was only behind the Browns and Vikings last year.  The other thing to like?  The RB’s which is about as Fire and Ice as you can get.  What about Eli, who in the playoffs looked like the QB that he was drafted to be.  Or Tom Coughlin, who was about as shrewd a game manager as it came in the last 6 weeks of the season.

What’s not to like?  Losing Strahan, and this is a biggie.  When you could throw Osi Poops-a-lot, Strahan and Tuck out there at the same time, that shit was like a tornado, but what happens now that Strahan isn’t there anymore?  Will Jay Alford turn into a stud and give the Giants that inside rush presence?  Will Matthias Kiwanuka put his hand on the ground as a DE again?  I think that’s the way to go, but regardless, he isn’t Strahan, and the unit won’t be nearly as good.  And if they can’t get that same kind of pass rush, what are the DB’s going to be able to do?  It’s not a huge problem because Aaron Ross and Kenny Phillips are pretty tits, but it’s something to keep an eye on.

Prediction:  Eli has turned the corner, they’ll be here awhile.  10-6.

Washington Redskins:  Jason Taylor is your Left End?  Does anyone else HATE HATE HATE this move, other than me?  You realize that Taylor has spent his entire career playing on the opposite side, against athletic LT’s rather than mauling, aggressive RT’s right?  You realize that using the opposite hand to set up moves isn’t easy when you’ve been playing on that side for the last DECADE, right?  You realize that, dripping wet, he’s probably 255 lbs. when the average RT has at least 50 lbs on him, right?  And that he’ll be facing a TE, which normally lines up on that side.  This just reeks of bad news.

Taylor is a great player…I just don’t know how he’s going to adapt, because it’s not easy switching sides as it is in Madden, you can’t just pick it up and rock and roll, it doesn’t work that way.  That with the fact that D-linemen have been dropping like flies in Redskins camp this year, and it’s not like they set the world on fire last year either (33 total sacks).  This is a HUGE problem.

I don’t really know what to think of Zorn either.  On one hand, he’s been getting rave reviews, but what first year coach doesn’t get rave reviews?  The fact remains that he was an Offensive Coordinator for a team that had Mike Holmgren as it’s coach, i.e. he did jack shit of the offensive coordinating.  Not only that, but he goes from having a “here, take these wads of cash” owner in Paul Allen (even though he probably never dealt with him) to having to deal with Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerratto.  Good luck, Zorn.

There’s nothing more I’d like to see than Jason Campbell not suck or Clinton Portis not get beaten into depression, because I really like both those players, but I just don’t see that being the case this year.  Plus, Sean Taylor isn’t coming back, which is both sad and disasterous for the Skins.  I fuckin’ loved Sean Taylor.

Oh…AND CHANGE YOUR FUCKING TEAM’S NAME GOD DAMNIT…REDSKINS?!?!?!?!  Are you serious?  Dear fucking God, I have no couth whatsoever and even I find that just plain WRONG.  I mean, at least you don’t have a grinning idiot caricature mocking the race like the Indians do, but seriously…REDSKINS?!?!?!?!

Prediction:  Rough year…5-11.

Philadelphia Eagles:  Now what makes this team any good?  Anyone?  Is it their QB who hasn’t been healthy in 4 years?  Is it their RB who has had enough with the cold, calculating, completely disloyal ownership?  What about Shawn Andrews who’s sick of the same shit?  It sure as hell isn’t their WR corps, because those guys are garbage, or their TE, who is completely over the hill.  So what is it?  The defense?

Well, Brian Dawkins is still there, and he’s good…and old.  There’s um…Lito Sheppard, who they’re trying to get rid of.  Oh yea!  Asante Samuel!  But he’s hurt and overrated.  Um…uh…seriously, I got nothin’ here.  Not one thing.

But that’s ok…because the assholes who own the team deserve it.  They deserve to have no success come their way because guys who will risk their careers for the team get the ultimate shaft.  They don’t want to pay their good players, instead would rather just toil in mediocrity.  Why pay guys like Brian Westbrook?  What has he done for the team other than be the most consistent playmaker they’ve had since TO left?  And Shawn Andrews?  Fuck him, he doesn’t deserve shit despite being their best offensive lineman.  (I’ve answered my own questions enough…I have to stop doing that fer serial.)

And this isn’t a recent trend, either.  Look at Hank Fraley, standout center who was traded to the Browns for a 7TH ROUND DRAFT PICK, despite being a starter for more than 5 seasons.  Look at the cavalcade of great secondary players that have been unceremoniously let go, despite being top players at their positions.  Hell, look at Troy Vincent, one of the classiest players in the NFL, just being let go for no reason, or Jeremiah Trotter, a guy who would DIE for the team, just get cut.  Hugh Douglas, yet another one, the list is endless. 

This is the guy who calls the shots for the Eagles...I'm putting a bounty on his job. First person to plant kiddie porn on his work computer gets a free MLJ Polo.

This is the guy who calls the shots for the Eagles, Joe Banner...I'm putting a bounty on his job. First person to plant kiddie porn on his work computer gets a free MLJ Polo.

This team doesn’t deserve JACK SHIT.  Fuck the Eagles, fuck their ownership.  I feel bad for the fans who have to watch their team just get rid of all these guys just as they start to produce.  The Eagles are the NFL version of the A’s or Indians…frankly, their ownership is why they suck, and they’ll never be a consistent winner unless they realize this and learn to cultivate a TEAM atmosphere rather than a fucking business.  This is a sports team, not a company, the best results come from an environment where everyone feels like they’re working together, not bleeding and killing their bodies just so they can get cut when they get a little expensive.

And I understand that it’s a business and that sometimes it’s coldhearted.  But the Eagles take it to a whole different level, it’s downright insidious.  When your SALARY CAP guru is one of the more well known guys in your organization, you know you’re a bunch of calculating bitches, and since every fucking offseason we have to hear about a few, high profile Eagles players complaining about management, I’m pretty sure that it’s not just a bunch of spoiled players, rather, ownership is fucking everyone over just to appease their bottom line.  Sure, they’re successful, but that doesn’t make it right.

Prediction:  This roster blows.  4-12.

Up next: NFC North…thank God there are no retard executives like Joe Banner in the NFC North…oh wait…HOLY SHIT.  They should totally rename the division the “NFC North…land of the worst executives in all professional sports.”  Seriously, how do I get a job like that?  Surely I know FAR more than any of these jokers in charge.

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