Getting to Know: The New York Yankees

In an effort to diversify the coverage of the teams here at Major League Jerk, I am going to provide a regular series called “Getting to Know”. My intent is to interview a fan of a team and ask them what we need to know about that team. If you want to be the first one on your block to be interviewed by me, the Great RomanWarHelmet, please send an e-mail to majorleaguejerk@gmail.com and put Roman in the subject. In this addition we are breaking tradition (it’s not really a long tradition so fuck it) and getting someone to talk about a team that is currently being rooted for by a MLJ author. clown loves the Yankees. Yes, that’s right. You didn’t think he liked baseball? Neither did I, but apparently he loves them, even though he thinks they win the World Series every year. We haven’t had the heart to tell him it’s been a while. So when our pal Sparty asked if he could be interviewed about the Yankees, I didn’t see much of a problem with it. They have had as much coverage as Pittsburgh Pirates have had on this site. Sparty is a commenter du jour. He comments at the Big Lead, here and at his own blog, Sparty and Friends. So let’s start the “Sparty Party” and get to know….the New York Yankees.

As always I like to start by finding out how the person being interviewed became a fan, how he interacts with the fan base and how he follows the team. Now since I live in New York, I have a pretty healthy understanding of how shitty the Yankee fan really is. The self-entitlement. The obnoxiousness. The pomposity of it all. So of course, when I read Sparty’s responses, I knew he fit right in with that generalization. So let us begin. Here is how Sparty became a Yankee fan. (Sparty’s words are in bold)

I did not have much choice. I think I was told when I was about 5 years old that I needed to make a commitment to a baseball team. Once I did, I could not back out or I would be disowned. Hence why one of my brothers lives 2000 miles away.
Anyway, once I told my dad that I would follow them, I was bought a Mattingly jersey. Then they slowly started to suck in the late 80s. Where my father was growing up in the prime of Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra and Whitey Ford, I was seeing the greatness of Roberto Kelly, Don Slaught and Andy Hawkins. Thank God the Reds traded us Paul O’Neill. That was the deal that got us going to being the team we are today. I say us when I speak of the Yankees, this was my first love along with the World Champion New York Football Giants. They have made me laugh, cheer and cry.

I know how you feel. Don Slaught was a beast. But not as awesome as the World Champion New York Football Giants. (Gonzo just puked) So how do you go about following the gritty gutty Yankees?

The wife works in the evening, so I bond with the kid watching the Yankee games. Too hard to get to the stadium with a 2 year old. Though I gotta get him there before the end of the season so he can claim he was at the original Yankee stadium. Obviously, I use the internet to follow what is being written in the newspapers about them, and to find out about any possible transactions. It was tough following the Yanks from Detroit when I moved there as a youth. Not only that, they always lost at the old Tiger Stadium when they were in town. Even the 1998 114 win team lost the two games I went to at that stadium. The Tigers best player was Bobby Higgninson! Thank God for USA Today, that is how I would find out about a lot of what was going on back in the 80’s and 90’s. I cannot stand listening them on the radio, I hate John Sterling, haaaaaaaaate hiiiiiim!!!

So you are already ruining your kid. Well done Pops. As for “the Original Yankee Stadium” that went away after 1973. They remodeled the joint and it looks nothing like the classic Yankee Stadium. So much for all the false tears being welled up by these phony assholes that became fans in 1996. You obviously aren’t one of those assholes. Tell me about you interactions with the Yankee fanbase.

Let me tell you something about the Yankee fan base. They relied waaaaaay too much on the curse of the Bambino. Tradition died in 2004. They held so tight to the friggin idea of the curse and the mythical spirits of Destiny and Mystique. We are grasping to believe in something again. Hating the Sox is not tradition, especially since they have more championships this century than us.

Derek Jeter. His play has been not good for what his stature is. He is not the best SS in the AL. His fielding is getting worse. He looks lost at the position. People think he is a great fielder because they remember one play or two plays. He was way out of position and performed the option play (The sick play against Oakland flipping the ball to Posada) almost a decade ago, he is not doing well in the field. He is not creating enough runs. He needs to do this. I also believe that the bullpen and rotation has succeeded the way they have this year because of Jose Molina. He is not getting any attention because he cannot hit. He is excellent behind the plate, and he eliminates mistakes by throwing out runners at 2nd.

OK. I am in. Derek Jeter sucks. AHHHHHH…that felt good. Are there any guys in the minors we should look out for? How does the Yankee future look?

Besides Kei Igawa? Ugh, ok. Cash fucked that up. But Austin Jackson is the guy to keep on your mind. Great great athlete. He is playing in AA Trenton right now. That is the CF of the future. He has very good range in the OF, good speed, gets on base, power is improving. I like this kid.

Necessary? Not as a baseball fan. You think the narrow concourses really bothered the fans? Not a chance. I love Yankee Stadium. However, I am looking forward to the new stadium. I am also about the power for anyone to make more money for themselves. These are the times we live in. Tear down history man!

Hank Steinbrenner, bloated asshole or the second coming of George?

Neither. Hank loves the team like his dad does, and likes talking like him too. The only big difference is that Hank is trusting more in the people he pays. George would have fired Girardi back in May, and Robinson Cano would have been traded for some inadequate degenerate, or Cashman would be out of a job.

Define a term I find sickening. What is a “True Yankee”?

Coming up big, in October, it is as simple as that. It is not about a stoic attitude like a Jeter. Reggie Jackson was Mr. October, but he was still a douchebag. That’s what is so special about Scott Brosius and not Alex Rodriguez. Chad Curtis and not Melky Cabrera.

I am glad we cleared up the fact that Chad Curtis is a “True Yankee”. I am sure Thurman Munson’s corpse did not roll over in it’s grave. Last question, did you download this year’s version of Joey Baseballs and Carmanooch’s “Yankees How Ya Doin”?

Um, huh? no. what? Too busy reading all this frivolous garbage and wasting my time destroying Dan Shanoff.

Stop lying….Sparty…How Ya Doin?…How How…How Ya Doin? Thanks for the interview.