Let’s Jump to Conclusions

Posted on July 21, 2008 by Hef

This here is a map of the States with the highest obesity rate.  You’ll notice that most of the nation’s fat people reside in the deep south.  But you’ll also notice that all the best places to live as well as the places with the reputation of having the best looking women are all relatively low on the obesity list.  The obvious assumption based on that is that you need to look good to land a hot girl.

Now compare that to this chart below.  Notice that the places with all of the best looking/slender women are all the places with the most expensive condoms.  You’ll soon notice that the condom industries of the world are jacking up the prices where the women are best looking in order to increase their profits. 

Isn’t it already expensive enough to court an attractive lady with all of the other vultures trying to swoop in and take her away from you? It costs a fellow a lot of money to make a lady think that he’s important enough for a condom to be needed in the first place.  Now he’s gotta shell out more just to close the deal?  It seems that the condom industry is not a fan of the working man.

Filed under: Non-MLB | Tagged: , ,

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17 Responses to “Let’s Jump to Conclusions”

  1. stigs, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:06 pm Said:

    did i miss an email or something while i was away?

  2. illformula, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:11 pm Said:

    Fat people don’t use condoms, thus creating more fat people. Sounds pretty simply to me.

  3. Hef, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:11 pm Said:

    Yes. Several.

  4. Gonzo, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:12 pm Said:

    Just like the song says. If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, don’t make a pretty woman your wife. Listen to the things I say to you. Get an ugly girl to marry you.

  5. sparty, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:12 pm Said:

    Hence Prince Fielder. there is your connection to baseball.

  6. sparty, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:13 pm Said:

    how are all these people getting together? alcohol.

  7. stigs, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:19 pm Said:

    “fat bitches need loving too craig”

  8. illformula, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:22 pm Said:

    And I can’t read that bottom graph for shit.

  9. sparty, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:23 pm Said:

    new post up on my site. week in review for mlb. a new weekly, monday feature.

  10. thenug, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:24 pm Said:

    I used to be fat and had an ugly wife until I switched to a maple bat.

  11. stigs, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:25 pm Said:

    thenug = barry bonds?

  12. fetch, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:26 pm Said:

    is that percentage of people in said state who are obese?

  13. Hef, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:27 pm Said:

    You can click on the maps to see a larger version. Don’t know if any of you geniuses thought of that.

  14. illformula, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:34 pm Said:

    No shit. Thanks Hef. I now see the light.

  15. sparty, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:39 pm Said:

    i clicked on it to see if I could fit into the Czech Republic’s condom. i didn’t need to click….

  16. RexKramerDangerSeeker, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:40 pm Said:

    -100 for not including the obligatory Jump to Conclusion Office Space reference.

    Hef, can I see you in my office for a sec? Why couldn’t I get assigned this piece? I would have totally nailed it as it has absolutely nothing to do with the baseballing. And it’s related to sex. Sex and condoms which, as a married guy with 2 kids, you clearly know nothing about.

  17. RexKramerDangerSeeker, on July 21st, 2008 at 1:44 pm Said:

    those look like the condoms detective fowler from Deuce Bigalow would wear.

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