Major League Jerk

Since I can’t do the standard blog meme of striking out something in a post title, such as There’s Nothing to Click Here: Friends of Dorothy Major League Jerk Edition, I figured I’d try to grow our readership by targeting the key, Brady Quinn demographic (NTTAWWT). So today… today is all about steady pimpin’ and charity. Pimping the ever-loving shit out of our friends that have made this site possible.

Just yesterday I was watching a rerun of 90210. It was from the later years. It was a turd. But it was that very turd of a Christmas episode where The Stray Cats played a swing dance’athon to raise money for something that has inspired me to give back. All the 90210 gang was involved, to some extent or another (Dylan’s extent? Trying to score some coke, but hell… who hasn’t been there?). So after learning that giving back is something we should all do once every few years, I figure it’s our turn. Do I give money to something worthy like Snowy Owls, cancer kids, Retired NBA players, I don’t know…? Nope. I’m going to give precious, precious links to our blogging commenters. The Big Lead has done it for MLJ, so it’s time for us to give a little payback as well.

There’s Nothing to Click Here

For many guys, they’d rather watch baseball than porn. Our boy Fetch is sadly in this camp, but substitute hockey for baseball. He’d develop a much better game with the ladies if he’d study anything put out by Bang Bros. Seriously, Fetch. Show up with a pizza box and a hole cut through it and it’s amazing how many women will apparently get riled up for some of that Big Sausage Pizza. Or become a substitute teacher and you’ll be shocked by the number of 18 yr old students who will degrade themselves to attain that dream of a C+. But when it comes to porn vs. baseball, it’s probably well established by now that this in no way applies to me. Give me some “MILFs Like it Big” any hour of the day over watching the sport that this blog is so oddly fawning over. But, I digress. One thing I will give a chance is Porn AND Baseball.

Our fine commenter and blogger, illformula, runs a little joint called “Billy Penn Wins Again: Baseball and Porno. Mostly Porno“. Oh, Billy, Billy, Billy… I think we all see the genius in this. It’s SFW in the sense that I haven’t seen any dirty pictures, but don’t take that as a guarantee. There’s a semi-safe for work pic on the following link. Semi-safe in that it’s a pic of ancient pottery with some dude wheelbarrowing some broad. Sex Positions Compared to Baseballers Bask in it’s glory.

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And iiiiiiin this coooorner, weighing in at a little over [insert number here] pounds, we have Spaaaaaart-tyyyyyy. Sparty is a prodigious commenter on both The Big Lead and this fine establishment. Sparty & Friends is growing in leaps and bounds, at least that’s what I would assume if I’m taking the time to link to it. That and as a fan of all things Buckeyes, I have no problem linking to a blog named after the Michigan State Spartans mascot. Why? They are harmless. H-A-R-M-L… you get the point. Although they do have Javon Ringer, the single greatest high school running back I’ve ever seen. Better than KiJana. Better than Curtis Enis, although he was brute strength and speed. Better than Pepe Pearson. Better than Robert Smith. Javon is the closest thing I’ve ever seen to the moves of Barry Sanders. My nephew racked up 24 tackles at Strong Safety against Ringer’s school his senior year. 17 of them were on Ringer blowing around the corner. 5′8″ and benching 400 with low 4 speed? The stuff of legends.

I’d link to something specific on Sparty’s site, but it ain’t that simple. Unlike the poorly thought out strategy of this site, Sparty covers all sports. No pigeon-holing for him. He is the 5-tool player. The Jack of All Trades, Master of None. We? We are what you call a Specialist. And we damn good, too. We ain’t just any geeks off the street. Plus, we handy with the steel, if you know what I mean.

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Quit doing the pee-pee dance, MikeyCHX. It’s your turn.

Mikey is a Cubs fan. I think we now have two who regularly comment here. I’m not quite sure when he showed up, but I’m guessing I was on a boat boozin’ bender and didn’t get the chance to formally welcome him.

You’re welcome.

From what I’ve seen, Mikey is as high-strung as they come. Regularly lobbing grenades at RomanWarHelmet is something I wanna kiss respect him for. I do, however, fear that Mikey will soon be jumping off the Sears Tower at any moment. His Cubbies are sailing towards a guaranteed World Series Title (what could go wrong? says this Indians fan) and the team is up for sale. When Zell purchased the Tribune Company, it was only a matter of time before he shed the assets that are the Chicago Cubs and Wrigley Field. I’m sure all opposing team’s fans are hoping that the Modell Family decides to get back into professional sports. The Oklahoma City Cubs has a certain ring to it, no? That would be, as my Mom says, “A hoot.”.

Well, it’s off to another weekend of debauchery. Feel free to stop by for a beer or a boat ride. Or a beer on a boat ride.

Remember, kids: Pimpin’ ain’t easy…