Attention All Rich Bastages

Posted on July 17, 2008 by clown

Now that the All Star break has concluded, Major League Baseball can get back to business. And their business, of course, is making hella fetti. One way to do that is to auction off the 8 and a half foot statues that dotted New York City for the month preceding the All Star Game. Sure, MLB will tell you that “(n)et proceeds from this auction will benefit the Boys and Girls Club of America, the official charity of Major League Baseball.” Since the bidding for each statue starts at $5000, however, I’m pretty sure that the “wholesale cost” for each statue is somewhere around $5000 or so, with the Boys & Girls Club (a great organization, by the way - it’s where I learned how to shoot like Shawn Marion) getting whatever scraps that Bud Selig will throw them.

As of press time, the statue getting the highest bid was the Yankee Stadium Final Season statue, with a whooping bid right now of $17,250! With 17 bids, that’s a wee bit higher than the 0 bids for statues for Shittburgh, Oakdone and Toront-hole. Such support from their fans! Even the Strangers and Disastros have bids.

These things are ginormous. If you have a sports bar in one of these towns, not only would they be a great conversation piece for your business, but you would sell lots of alcohol; people are always saying “Just let me have a couple more drinks and I’ll take a picture.” Boom - beer and fruity drink sales out the wazoo.

Even better, buy this statue for your gentlemen’s club. Imagine the dollar bills that I twenties that your wealthy clientele would dispense upon the stage when Serenity is grinding her cooch on Chief Wahoo.

I just hope a certain basketball player from Akron gets this statue. You know, as a centerpiece for his home when he changes companies in the near future.

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57 Responses to “Attention All Rich Bastages”

  1. illformula, on July 17th, 2008 at 3:42 pm Said:

    I heard these and other auctions yesterday on ESPN radio. I’m all for the charity associated with this but I think that their methods are wrong. Most of the auctions start in the 2-3k range, that’s just too damn high for the average sports fan. Why not raffle some of this shit off at like a couple hundred dollars a raffle ticket (with no maximum number of tickets). I think more people would contribute to the charity this way and in the long run they would raise just as much money.

  2. Hef, on July 17th, 2008 at 3:45 pm Said:

    I want to hear more of your nicknames for the different teams. Dance for me, clown.

  3. stigs, on July 17th, 2008 at 3:51 pm Said:

    these must be the things pkiguy was talking about.

  4. Hef, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:00 pm Said:

    They’re not very visually appealing.

  5. RexKramerDangerSeeker, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:00 pm Said:

    Chief Wahoo is racist, therefore your post is racist. Think about what my people went through next time, Clown.

    RexKramerInsultedCommenter
    1/17 Navajo or Sioux. I forget.

  6. clown, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:03 pm Said:

    Rexy, you know you would wear a cap with Wahoo on it, but they don’t make fitteds in 8 1/2.

  7. sparty, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:04 pm Said:

    so, now that the hef lovefest is over at TBL, are we back to being douchebags?

  8. mizerle06, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:06 pm Said:

    it was always douchebag central over here, nothing changed.

  9. stigs, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:06 pm Said:

    i’m not a douche

    /john edwards

  10. RexKramerDangerSeeker, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:07 pm Said:

    ironically, when i wear my racially-charged Tribe hat, it’s a 7 3/4. I have a huge heeeed. you should see this thing. it’s a virtual planetoid.

  11. RexKramerDangerSeeker, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:08 pm Said:

    Free pie and ice cream for all commenters in the Nothing to Click Here VIP Suite.

  12. Hef, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:09 pm Said:

    I wear a 7 5/8 hat. I thought I had a big head. Rexy, you outdo us all.

  13. fetch, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:09 pm Said:

    Rex: It’s Lakota, not Sioux

    /every retard who wants my school to change our name

  14. stigs, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:10 pm Said:

    Hef, does Darren Sutton do the Buckethead Brigade thing in AZ? dat dOOd has a huuuge head.

  15. clown, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:14 pm Said:

    7 1/2 right now. I wore 7 1/8 in high school. Damn, I’m fat.

  16. Hef, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:14 pm Said:

    @stigs: his head is enormous. And he’s really awkward in the Indian Casino commercials where he hands out money to the few people that recognize him.

  17. stigs, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:15 pm Said:

    he used to do a thing in Milwaukee where fan’s would all wear buckets over their heads to pay homage to him. and they would get tshirts or something.

    i wear a 7 1/8 to 7 3/8 depending on hair length.

  18. RexKramerDangerSeeker, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:18 pm Said:

    clown, you on the cream or the clear?

  19. mikeychx, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:18 pm Said:

    heid…pants! Now!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=varaAADgC84

  20. stigs, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:21 pm Said:

    does anyone still rock the chrome MLB Authentic sticker on your hats? i have this ghetto Brewers hat(but the Brewers version, which i can’t find) and i keep it on there as a joke. my dad always looks so disappointed if i see him and am wearing it.

  21. clown, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:23 pm Said:

    Naw, stigs, but my brim has to stay flat, dunny.

  22. fetch, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:24 pm Said:

    the last time i took a sticker off an mlb hat it ripped off a bunch of fabric on the bottom of the bill so i am too afraid to do it now

  23. Hef, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:25 pm Said:

    I don’t like the fitted caps. I prefer the new era batting practice hats. They’re real comfortable.

  24. stigs, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:25 pm Said:

    i like to keep the brim bent if i rock it backwards. if its forwards, its a little bent. i’ve got a couple limited hats that i couldn’t find my size so they are a little big and need to be worn backwards.

  25. sparty, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:25 pm Said:

    irish returned, i think a few of us upset him. he really hates it that you guy picked me to be friends on facebook

  26. illformula, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:27 pm Said:

    +1JS mikey, love that scene.

  27. illformula, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:29 pm Said:

    Front or backwards, brim always slightly bent and slightly tilted to the left.

  28. clown, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:30 pm Said:

    The older BP caps were better because they didn’t have that stoopid side panel.

  29. sparty, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:30 pm Said:

    i always was a big bender with the brim.

  30. Hef, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:31 pm Said:

    @clown: I agree. I can’t find them anymore.

  31. Hef, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:31 pm Said:

    My snakes cap has the panel but my sox cap does not. I prefer the sox cap.

  32. arkbadger, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:33 pm Said:

    Damn, I wear a 7 1/2 and I thought I had a big ass head.

  33. stigs, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:34 pm Said:

    side panel = that dumb colored thing over the ear? those hats are totally strahan. i think their called 39-30

  34. clown, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:34 pm Said:

    Every once in a while, the old BP caps will pop up on Ebay. It’s a good workout cap.

  35. mikeychx, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:34 pm Said:

    had to come over here really quick….i couldnt hold in my laughter anymore

  36. Hef, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:36 pm Said:

    Every once in a while, the old BP caps will pop up on Ebay. It’s a good workout cap.

    In AZ it’s a good cap for doing anything outside including helping idiot friends move in the summer and mowing the lawn. Every trek outside is a workout in the summer.

  37. stigs, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:36 pm Said:

    those 39-30 hats are real comfortable but the side panel things suck.

  38. RexKramerDangerSeeker, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:36 pm Said:

    Stigs, I don’t think your hat’s sticker has anything to do with your Dad’s disappointment.

  39. clown, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:38 pm Said:

    Hef, you need friends who won’t ask you to move in the summer. Also, AZ heat isn’t that bad. It’s a dry heat.

  40. stigs, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:38 pm Said:

    Rex, you win. You always do.

  41. illformula, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:40 pm Said:

    Are those BP hats shallow? I like the game hats because they’re deep and don’t look like a yamika on my head.

  42. RexKramerDangerSeeker, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:42 pm Said:

    Not being able to spell “yarmulke” is racist.

    /Bizarro Nick P.

  43. Hef, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:43 pm Said:

    @ill, they are shallow, they look and feel like older hats. I don’t like the new hats so much. They’re too big and puffy.

  44. clown, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:43 pm Said:

    ill, the L/XL BP cap is pretty deep. It doesn’t fit small like all the adjustable caps out there.

  45. clown, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:44 pm Said:

    listen to me, ill. Hef doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

  46. sparty, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:45 pm Said:

    nobody is rocking the flex caps? i t feels good on us guys with big round heads.

  47. Hef, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:46 pm Said:

    It’s a matter of preference. How does that make me wrong. Plus I’m old and can’t dress like a kid anymore, people stare.

  48. sparty, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:48 pm Said:

    Hef-that is why i never turn it backwards anymore.

  49. RexKramerDangerSeeker, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:49 pm Said:

    i dont even own a fitted. i only go with the flex fit, as i also only do with my pants.

  50. clown, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:52 pm Said:

    don’t forget about your flex suspenders, rex.

    I still rock my hat backwards, but it’s okay because I’m Mexican. Also, because of my dazzling smile.

  51. fetch, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:53 pm Said:

    flex fit is great

    clown- i have a facebook group to invite you to

  52. sparty, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:56 pm Said:

    i like wearing my Yankees batting helmet. thats the hat i wear out of the house

  53. illformula, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:58 pm Said:

    @clown/hef, I’ll have to check it out. I almost have faith enough in both of you. Almost…

  54. sparty, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:58 pm Said:

    i also am required by doctors order.

  55. clown, on July 17th, 2008 at 4:58 pm Said:

    If it’s only one flap, sparty, then I’ll accept that.

  56. sparty, on July 17th, 2008 at 5:01 pm Said:

    no flaps

  57. mikeychx, on July 17th, 2008 at 5:04 pm Said:

    are you guys talking about officially licensed mlb yammikas?

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