Wayne Krivsky’s Rainbow Coalition

As part of Major League Jerk’s investigative team, it is my responsibility to ask questions and follow leads wherever they may take me. Earlier this season, The Cincinnati Reds fired General Manager Wayne Krivsky, even though the team seemed to be on the upswing after he infused the team with young talent through the draft and through trades. This seemed peculiar to me so I decided to go about finding out the real reason for the firing. Through various sources I have learned he was fired not because of a slow start but because Krivsky’s true purpose was to make the Reds the first all gay baseball team in Major League history. I have unearthed Photographic evidence to prove my point. First Krivsky himself:

To your right is the former General Manager. To the left is his life partner, Bronson. Bronson is supposedly the mastermind behind this plot to bring Gay Pride to Cincinnati. Bronson felt that to do this he needed go out and find the best gay talent available. Wayne has spent the last few years doing this. His final piece came when he traded future Hall of Famer (and straight male) Josh Hamilton to the Rangers for Edinson Volquez.

Edinson was known in the Rangers farm system for throwing heat and taking cock. He is above with Michael, his current boyfriend. Edinson’s arrival would give the Reds a star pitcher with an alternative lifestyle to go along with their two newest everyday players.

These two here are Jay Bruce (left; looking at cock) and Joey Votto (right; displaying his wang). Not only are these two future sluggers prolific at taking it deep they also spend their off seasons starring in male on male Porn.

This here is Jay Bruce. As seen above, Jay Bruce is the most blatant gay male to ever don a Major League uniform. First off, he has two first names. Gay. Secondly, every picture I have ever seen of him has him either looking at man ass or spreading his legs. Gay. Thirdly, I have seen more written about this man’s prowess by other men (cough*NickP*cough) that it has become uncomfortable for me to even read my own blog. Of course, Krivsky was not going to let these young men spread their wings and cheeks without a little veteran guidance. Fortuantely, he had someone on the team to show these young twinks the way.

This here is the Cincinnati Queen himself, Adam Dunn. Adam loves to take it deep and take balls. He loves balls. In fact, Nick P tells me it doesn’t matter how many hits he gets, as long as he takes balls he is helping the team. He is what is know as a “bear” in the gay community. Krivsky knew he had himself a team but what he wanted was a true field general to lead this swishy group of boys to glory (holes).

Wayne Krivsky traveled to San Francisco to find his man. Dusty Baker had just been let go in Chicago because of his inability to lead his men. But Krvisky remembered the great job he had done in Frisco, so over brunch he offered him a unique opportunity to lead a full team out of the closet and to a pennant. Dusty got a little, well, Dusty when the job was offered and offered to do anything and everything to get his boys ready to go.

After Krivsky’s plan was unearthed, it was learned that Mr. Redlegs offered to get the crowd going any way he could. Wayne was touched and touched and touched. With his team in place and the mascot behind him, Krivsky was set to make the announcement. Unfortunately, the ownership caught on. After seeing that Dusty Baker knew nothing about baseball (Corey Patterson batting leadoff?) and all of the towel snapping and grab ass in the clubhouse, they confronted Krivsky. Wayne broke down and spilled the beans. Later that day, he was fired. Of course knowing the powder keg that was about to explode, they hired a man who spent the last ten years dealing with a gay manager and blatantly homosexual superstars. Walt Jocketty, has been left to sweep this all under the rug and back into the closet. While I cannot confirm all of my sources, I feel comfortable in my accusations. Alleged Accusations. All alleged. Allegedly.