Under the Lights
Enjoy the games this evening. I’m out this bitch for the week.
After the jump, Somethin’ 4 Da Honeyz:
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Non Foodquitur, Pt. 3
Baseball and hot dogs go together like peanut butter and jelly, and I guess the same could be said about July 4th weekend and hot dogs too, but whatever, not all hot dogs are created equal and that’s the point I was trying to get to.
Courtesy SFWeekly.com
MLJ Trivia!
Which Major League Jerk stars in the video below?
a.) Spencer096
b.) NickP
c.) clown
[h/t: With Leather]
Move Over Roger, ‘Cause Albert Wants The Record
Don't even act like you're not impressed
On Wednesday night, Albert Pujols went 2 for 2 with 2 walks and a stolen base in 4 plate appearances. Unfortunately, he did not hit a home run, so his projected HR pace dropped from 62 to 61. As we’re all aware, the record for most home runs hit by a Major League player in any one season is 61 by Roger Maris 48 years ago. If anyone in baseball has the ability to break that hallowed record, it’s Albert.
I’ve made no secret of the fact that I have a healthy baseball crush on Pujols. He’s been the best hitter in baseball just about every season since he’s come into the league in 2001. Somewhere along the way, he also became one of the best defensive 1st basemen as well. Basically the man simply brings it every game and every season. But so far in 2009, he’s been putting his previous seasons to shame. Check out where he ranks offensively in the most recognizable stats:
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Well…It’s Almost College Football Season
Ah yes…what a wonderful time of year. My baseball team is the baseball version of a smoldering wasteland and I’m neck deep in golfy goodness but there’s still something missing. And that something is college football madness, the kind of madness that instinctively pops up once the calendar turns to Smarch July.
This year, I’m not crazy excited, just regular excited. I know my Buckeyes will roll through the Big Ten because the only other team worth a shit, Penn State, couldn’t be fraudier if they tried. Look at the history of teams replacing their entire OL, secondary, WR corps and two best pass rushers…actually, don’t. I’ll save you the time…it’s not good, not at all. Oh, but they have Evan Royster and Daryll Clark!!! So what? But Sean Lee is coming back and they have Navarrow Bowman!!! Ok, that, I’m willing to accept. But they’ll still blow.
What was my point again? Oh yea…don’t worry, this isn’t a Buckeye crazy post. They’ll get to a BCS game like usual, but they’re not in the NC picture this year.
And unfortunately for good, hardworking, land tilling Midwestern folk, this year is a 4.5 horse race with none of those horses residing outside of the South and Califnornia. After the jump, we’ll take a look at each of the contenders, not as in depth as later, but we’ll look nonetheless.
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Quality Start: Make That A$$ Clap
Here’s some dumb trick that went onto the field to get a fair ball during the Mets/Brewers game. Not only did she interfere with the game, she showed a bit of her ass crack to the entire nation and still didn’t get thrown out. They sure are lenient in Wisconsin.
The dudebro sitting a couple of seats down wasn’t impressed:
But her friend thought it was hilarious:
Eh, I’d still fuck her.
Classic joint after the jump:
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Under the Lights: Best Video You’ll See All Day
If you didn’t like the video from this morning, you don’t appreciate the fine arts. If you don’t like this video, you’re a fucking homo and love cock. Enjoy.
Non MIND BLOWING, SKIN MELTING METAL-quitur
Because I’m bored and this song just RAWKED my SAWX off, I’m going to post it.
I figure why not? This week has been a total clusterfuck as it is, so what harm will this really do?
None.
It’s Children of Bodom covering Iron Maiden’s “Aces High.” Normally, I’d say that there’s no topping the Maiden version, and this is one of those normal times. But if Bruce Dickenson was singing instead of this muck-throated Scandanavian fuckstick, it’d be epic beyond words. HAVE THE RIFFS CRUSHED YOUR SOUL YET!?!?!?!?
Non Foodquitur Pt. 2
So I’m on a diet again which means I get to enjoy three straight months of nothing but grilled chicken, spinach and sweet potatoes. It sucks. It sucks ass. But today was the first day I’ve been back under 200 lbs. in two years so…HUZZAH!!!
And whenever I diet like this I always end up watching 8 hours of the Food Network and looking at restaurant websites from across the country and salivating. Food pics like this are porn. I want pizza. I want chicken wings. I want shit smothered in cheese and calorie rich sauces that taste amazing. I want fried food. I want pasta with Alfredo sauce. I want cookies and ice cream. God damnit, I’m fucking starving.
That pizza looks fucking glorious. I might have to go to LA just to sample the fine, fine establishment known as Abbot’s Pizza.
(link courtesy: SportsByBrooks)
Some Happy Thoughts To Get My Feet Wet
You may have noticed that this place has been absent of my unrelenting wit for the past week or so. My hope is that you noticed I was gone one day last week and since then, you couldn’t help but long for my return. You’ve been going to bed each night tossing and turning, screaming out “Where is Happy? Where is Happy?” Well fear no longer, my precious, for I am back and better worse than ever. I am rested, rejuvenated, and ready to reclaim my spot as the 6th most popular contributor at Major League Jerk (ranking unscientific).
Now you’ve probably been asking yourself, “where has Happy been for the last 7 days? Has he been in New Jersey with some friends of his on a man-cation of debauchery and scandal?”
Oh, you weren’t asking that at all? You hadn’t even realized I was gone? That’s disappointing. Well it would have been a decent guess because I was in fact in Jersey. Sadly there were no scandals to speak of. There was plenty of debauchery though. By the end of the week, the average number of hours I spent sleeping each day came in at 2.7. It was one of those vacations where afterwards, you feel like you need a vacation. At the very least, I could use a new liver. Anybody got a spare? At one point in the middle of my trip, I may or may not have sent out a 5AM drunken email to the MLJ distribution list. I also may or may not have woke up a couple hours later and thought to myself, “did I send an email to the MLJ distribution list last night or did I dream that?”
/deleted from existence’d
But regardless of whether or not that did or didn’t happen, I’m back now and ready to talk some baseball. Who’s with me?
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