If you’ll allow me, I’d like to take a minute to praise my favorite sports blog. I’m talking about a sports blog that has devoted itself time and again to providing nothing but quality over and over and over again. A sports blog that would rather alienate even its most loyal readers by writing absolutely nothing of relevance on a day like today while the writers instead bickered in public about how gay a certain athlete is. A sports blog that consistently takes shots at its readership, mocks its sponsors, and invents lie after lie to support whatever ridiculous theory its pushing on a certain day. Ladies and gentleman, that sports blog…is us. That’s right. Major League Jerk is my favorite sports blog. Now, I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, “Hef, way to pick the obvious one. MLJ is your favorite because it’s the best!” Gentle reader, no. I mean yes. You’re right. It was an obvious choice. I mean who else was I going to pick? A site that plans their posts in advance instead of waiting to the last minute which means that they’ll have nothing if they have to get work done at their paying job? Give me a break.
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I was walking home from the bar the other night. About an 8 out of 10 on the drunk scale. Wearing my earbuds for my imitation i-Pod and rockin out to some Pearl Jam, NIN and Days of the New. A couple people of another race walk by and bump my shoulder, rather non-chalantly. I refuse to even acknowledge, for fear I lose my teef and have to explain to friends that I write for a site called Mayor Weague Yerk. Anyhow, a few minutes go by, and out of the corner of my eye, I see some movement through the bushes. I remove an earbud, and hear some rustling. “Shit”, I think to myself. I gotta get moving. Cut through a couple houses, hop a fence or two (OK, I opened the gates rather quickly). Then I end up on a street I’m not familiar with. Walk through a hole in a fence and end up on the train tracks. Whew, I know where I am now. This is where the homeless defecate and have their Amazon orders sent (Free Wifi). I start to walk briskly when something jumps out and tackles me. We wrestle for a while [*perks*-Hef]. Finally, he gets the best of me. With my last breath, I squeak out, “What do you want from me?” He says… 





